Hidden Truths
by itzalliballi
Summary: AU. Their lives are unraveling right before their very own eyes, and no one really knows what exactly they are suppose to do to stop it. Secrets are never buried forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone! This story is AU, and it has hints of a lot of different shippings in it. Basically it's the group living in a small town where their past is coming back to them full force. I hope you guys like it! I think it may be my favorite story of mine yet! Enjoy and please let me know what you think! Chapters will probably be short, but hopefully it will be updated often! **

_please don't make me cry_

_please don't make me cry_

_i'm just like you i know you know_

_i'm just like you so leave me alone_

Eisley, Telescope Eyes

Meredith Grey had lived in Braxton, South Carolina her entire life, with the exception of the two years after college. Her life revolved around two things, her students and her friends. Given, since it was a small town, she knew her students way before they reached her fourth grade classroom and after they left, and her friends, well she'd practically known them entire life. But that didn't stop her from making sure to make time for them. Not that there was a whole lot to do in the town anyway. She had to drive to the next town over just to buy alcohol. She didn't drink too much, but she did enjoy a glass or two of wine on the weekends, or a couple shots of tequilla at the nearest bar she went to with Cristina.

First day of school had always been her favorite day of the year. Mostly because it held endless possibilities. She'd been teaching long enough to know that the children were never quite as well behaved in class as they were during Sunday service, but she was always curious to find out who was going to make the year interesting. There was always the classics. The clown, the bully, the nerd, the shy one, the cheery one, even the jock. Her friends didn't believe her that they were all so stereotypical at such a young age. But she could see it, and rarely was she proven wrong when they got older.

"Good morning class." She smiled as the old school bell rang outside the doorway indicating that it was officially 8:31, the beginning of the school year. Several varieties of the appropriate pleasantry filtered the air in mumbled tones as she scanned the room, trying to figure out just how many would be sleeping most of the period. Or atleast trying to.

She smiled, vaguely surprised to find that most of the students seemed to be alert. Instantly, she decided, this was going to be a good year. "Welcome to the fourth grade."

Ten minutes passed before there was a soft knock on her door. Glancing quickly around the room she realized there was, in fact, one seat left empty in far left corner of the room. She quickly made her way to the door, the sound of her heels clinking against the floor being the only noise in the room. Considering there was only one fourth grade class, everyone knew who the kid was, and everyone was more than a little surprised he was there at all.

Opening the door with a sincere smile on her face, Meredith's eyes quickly met the little boys. "Hey Tommy."

"Hi Miss. Meri. Sorry I'm late. Dad forgot to set the alarm. Then there was a bit of an accident in the kitchen, and well, I guess all that matters is that the fire was put out before anything was messed up too bad." A soft laugh filtered the room, and Meredith quickly realized that he was going to be what made this year interesting.

"It's alright, kiddo. Good to see you. Just take the empty seat." He smiled at her thankfully before walking further into the room, ignoring the pity stares he received from his classmates. He'd been getting them for an entire month, and it was just about more than he could take.

"Guess I don't need to take roll, then, huh. " Meredith redirected the attention to her successfully as she grabbed the pink piece of chalk. Turning towards the board before writing "Ms. Grey" on the green board.

As soon as she turned around, she realized a hand was raised in the front row. Megan Johnston- aka the cheery one. "Something wrong, Megan?" She asked softly, not understanding how she already had a question. "Would it be okay if I called you Miss. Meri too?"

"I don't see why not." She grinned before turning around to erase her last name, replacing it with Meri instead. She could sense another hand being raised, so she quickly wrote the formal name below it. "I go by either one." She offered, trying to avoid any confusion, or annoyance.

She sighed slightly once she realized that one hand was still raised. "Yes?" She offered her best smile in the little boy's direction.

"Does your mommy work here?" The boys hair was curly, but it was only long enough for one curl.

Meredith laughed softly as she shook her head. "No. My mom doesn't. Does yours?" She asked, already knowing the answer. Miranda made it perfectly clear that if he looked even vaguely sick, that she was to send him to her immediately.

"Uh huh. She's fixing everyone's boo-boo's."

"Well, I guess we should be thankful for her then, huh?"

"I know I am!" The little boy smiled proudly before finally letting his raised hand fall to his side.

**Once again, PLEASE let me know if I should continue!**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Thanks so much for the feedback guys!  
_**

_sometimes it feels  
like nobody knows  
you wanna be alone now  
hidden from view  
feels as though the whole world  
is comin' for you_  
**The Waifs, Here If You Want**

Mark Sloan considered himself a blessed guy. He'd only been truly heartbroken by a girl once, not that he'd ever given them the opportunity, not since college anyway, and he had Derek to keep him in line. He'd been there his entire life, and he couldn't remember a time they hadn't had each other's back. He was hoping that wouldn't change. After all, if he wasn't Chief Deputy, who was he? He lived and breathed the justice system, and he wasn't so sure he knew who he was without it.

The morning had gone awfully slow for Mark. With no citizen complaints to look into, no inmates to feed, unless he counted himself, and no Derek to pester, he was flat out bored. If there was anything that Mark Sloan hated, it was being bored. He'd already gotten breakfast for the morning, so he couldn't even do that. He wasn't sure exactly sure where the line between being a loyal customer and an obsessed stalker was, but he was getting the feeling he was flirting with it. It wasn't a good feeling considering he was Chief Deputy. Who would run the place then?

Where was Derek anyway? Even if Tommy didn't go to school, he would have checked in by now. He wasn't certain the time line of grief, but he'd been doing so much better in the last couple of days that Mark had been hoping that he was on his way back to normalcy, at least as normal as you can get after something like that. He was starting to wonder if it'd all been an act. Derek had always been good at hiding things.

Just as he picked up the phone to call Derek, the door opened to revealed a very drunk Frank. Rolling his eyes, Mark stood up, making his way over to lead the man to the cell. "It's Wednesday, Frank!"

"Frank doesn't see the problem. Frank didn't drive, Frank didn't even visit Mark's girlfriend and get food. Frank came straight home to sleep. Frank deserves a brownie." Frank laughed as he allowed Mark to guide him to one of the two cells. "Frank gets to choose?"

"I don't even know which one of those statements to correct first, Frank, but no, you're getting the left one." Mark grabbed the keys from his pocket, and quickly made work of the lock.

"Frank thinks Mark is jealous that Pippie offered Frank a cupcake instead of Mark." He slurred as he plopped himself on the cot.

"Her name is Addison, and that's because she thinks you don't eat!" He muttered, wondering why Derek let Frank pretend that the jail was his home. Derek was his best friend, and he trusted him, but Frank was just a bit much.

"Whatever you say, deputy." Frank smiled as he dozed off into an alcohol induced slumber. Mark shook his head slightly as the sight before the sound of the phone brought him back to reality. Whoever it was on the other line, he was sure they would keep him better entertained than a sleeping Frank.

**Thoughts? **


	3. Chapter 3

**_Oh wow! I'm so happy that ya'll like this story. I wasn't sure if it would work out right or not. I know the chapters are short, but I'm trying to make sure I have enough written that I have enough to keep posting on a regular basis. But since I got so many reviews for last chapter, I'm posting two on here. Please tell me what you think!_**

**_P.S Someone asked about my MerMark story, You Won't Ever Be Lonely, and it's NOT abandoned. I'm about halfway through the next update!  
_**

_It's the perfect ending  
To the bad day I was just beginning_  
**Sheryl Crow, My Favorite Mistake**

Derek Shepherd was the Sheriff of Braxton, and had been since his grandfather passed away when he'd just turned twenty years old. A lot had changed in those twelve years in his life, but no matter what, he loved his job, and he loved the people in this town. No matter what happened, he had them,and they had him. On most mornings, that was enough for him. But today wasn't one of those mornings. Starting with the fact that he stumped his toe on the railing of his bed when walking to the bathroom, then nearly causing a fire that could burn down their house, and then getting criticized by his nine year old son about being late to school.

It just wasn't a good morning. He'd told him he didn't have to go to school today. Ms. T, Tommy's grandmother, would be back that night, and the next day would go much smoother, but he'd insisted.

Of course, about halfway from the school house to the Sheriff's office, his car broke down. Luckily, it was only a block to the nearest auto shop. The owner toed the car for free, a personal favor, and allowed Derek to use the phone to call Mark. He was certain the personal favor was out of pity, but he was in too bad of a mood to care. He didn't have the money to pay for the towing anyway.

Mark's voice rang through his ears after only two rings, and he quickly rolled his eyes. It just wasn't normal for someone to be that cheery in the mornings. "Sheriff's Office. Deputy Sloan speaking."

"Mark. Hey. It's Shep." He waited a moment for the recognition to filter through before continuing.

"What's up? Kid lose his shoes again? I told you to buy him another pair, Derek. But no! Don't listen to me!" Mark laughed as his wit as he relaxed into Derek's comfortable office chair.

"No. My car broke down. I'm at Jake's shop. Can you come pick me up?" He muttered the words, knowing that Mark had also been telling him to get the car checked for weeks.

"I suppose I could do that at about noon." Mark grinned.

"What!"

"You know I'm the deputy, Derek. I have to take care of things when you are unavailable. Just relax. I got everything under control."

"You better be here in the next ten minutes, Sloan. Don't you dare go searching for your gun. You aren't allowed to have it."

"Fine." Mark pouted before hanging up the phone, and grabbing his keys. Derek really wasn't any fun at all.

_It's ordinary plain and simple  
Typical, this everyday love  
Same 'ol, same 'ol keeping it new  
Emotional, so familiar  
Nothing about it too peculiar  
Oh, but I can't get enough  
Of this everyday love_  
**Rascal Flatts, This Everyday Love**

Alex and Izzie Karev owned a conjoined barber/beauty shop. It wasn't anything fancy, but there wasn't much of a call for fancy in Braxton, so their business didn't suffer. Besides, there wasn't another shop in Braxton to go to. Wasn't enough people to support another one.

"Iz? Babe? Mrs. Rolland is here." Alex called into the back room as he finished sweeping up the shavings from his last customer before he went to get lunch.

"Coming!" she called out happily as she placed the sleeping baby in her crib. Annie was only eight months old, but she was the center of Izzie's world. Despite previous concerns from being premature, she'd come out as strong as the next one.

"How you doin today?" He asked the elder woman to break the silence until Izzie came out.

"Oh I'm fine, sugar. How's that beautiful baby doing?" She smiled as she made herself comfortable in the designated chair that fell just slightly as she put her full weight on it.

"She's amazing." Alex grinned as he thought about his little girl. Izzie is putting her down to sleep now. "Aw. I was hoping I'd get to see her." She frowned for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe next time."

"Definitely next time." Alex grinned before finally sitting down in his own chair.

"Hey Doreen." Izzie beamed as she tied her own long blonde hair into a pony tail, walking out of the back room, leaving the door open so they could hear Annie crying if she woke up soon.

"Hey darlin'. She smiled as she glanced over Izzie's slim appearance with envy. She never was able to lose her baby weight. Then again, she wasn't on her feet for hours and hours on end.

"What can I do for ya today?" Izzie asked, hoping it was going to be quick considering the growl her stomach was repeating over and over.

"Oh I just need a trim. I can't do anything with it this long." She laughed as she ran her hands through her hair that didn't even run the length of her short stubby fingers.

"Well, alright then." Izzie smiled as she grabbed the scissors off her table. Turning towards Alex, she bit her lower lip. "Hey baby?"

"Yes?" he laughed as he watched her run her free hand along her growling tummy.

"Can you run to the dinner, and bring the food back? I should be done by then." As soon as the words left her mouth, another growl overtook the room.

"Sure thing babe. The usual?" Alex laughed, sliding out of the chair.

"Yeah. Thanks." She smiled, leaning slightly to kiss his cheek on the way out. "Love you!"

"You two are just too adorable." Doreen cooed as she watched Izzie's eyes travel behind him until he was out of sight, causing her to blush.

"Thanks." She smiled before focusing her attention on the hair that was entirely too short already if you asked her.

**E-penny for your thoughts? **


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hey guys! I meant to post this this morning. But time crept up on me. So here it is now. Hope you guys like it. _**

_It's two steps forward one step back  
I get so nervous that I crack  
I've got so much I want to tell you  
I just don't know what to say  
You know when pushing come to shove  
You've got me hypnotized my love  
I've got so much I want to give you  
I just don't know what to say sometimes  
**Sister Hazel, Hello It's Me  
**_

Cristina Yang never thought when she was younger that she would stay in Braxton. She'd always sworn as soon as she turned eighteen, she was going to leave the pit hole of a town for something bigger- mostly just better. And she had left. She'd went all the way across the country to California to college, just to find that bigger didn't necessarily mean better. At least not in her case. But California hadn't been a complete waste of time, she did become major in Law. She was even offered an internship at one of the top legal companies in the state, but she promptly declined after her mother called and informed her that her father had become ill. Ten years later, she still hadn't left. She was now the Mayor of Braxton, seeing as how there was much of a calling

for a lawyer there, and whether she ever admitted it out loud she was happy. Sure, she dragged Meredith on a road trip every now and then just to get some sense of reality, but besides that, she lived a relatively normal life. It was so normal, it almost made her sick to think about. Normal had never been a apart of her plans. Nothing in her life had gone according to plan.

"Ms. Yang?" He broke her train of thought as he knocked on her office door slightly. She thought momentarily of grabbing a notepad and at at least pretend to be doing something, but they both knew that there was just nothing for her to do. The day was just another day in the perfect town.

"It's unlocked, George." She muttered, loud enough for him to hear her. Sometimes she wondered how she dealt with him, but then sometimes she realized that there wasn't anyone she liked any better. He'd been there for three years, and he'd never once raised his voice to her. He was like an overly obedient puppy, and sometimes, she just wished he'd bite the bait and fight back. He always made her feel bad about her comments. Like she cared or something. A normal person would bite back that she

was a heartless person, but not him. He just looked at her with puppy eyes that were begging to shed tears before leaving the room. Ugh. She really hated him sometimes.

"Um. You have a phone call. It's Max." If she was really truly pushed, she would admit that she could possibly love Max. If you can love someone you only see once a week on Saturday night. He was an architect that lived in the next town over, but he was usually gone most of the week on business, leaving her to her own muses.

She simply nodded before George left the room, closing the door behind him. She waited until she could hear him type on his computer before picking up the phone.

"Hello." She answered, sounding as busy as she possibly could considering how little she had to accomplish that day.

"Hey Cristina. How are you?" his voice sounded the same as it always did. Calm and collected. Much like him. He rarely raised his voice, and if he did, it was usually about a bad call from a referee or umpire. She found it to be completely amusing, and just a little on the hot side. His face always always reddened and the veins in his neck got strained. Yep, she definitely loved watching him watch the games.

"Eh. How about you?" she responded, rolling her eyes as George's laugh filtered through the walls. She often wondered how his girlfriend found the time to be online to talk to him all day, but she never cared enough to ask. She even tried to be angry that he spent more time talking to her than working, but the way she saw it, better the girlfriend than her. There was only so much Bambi time she could handle in a day.

"What do you think about staying at my place tonight?" she'd only been to his place a handful of times, but never during the week.

"Why?" she asked cautiously. There'd been hints that he was going to propose soon, and she was going to avoid it as long as possible. Sure, after two years it was a logical step, but it still wasn't something she wanted.

"Something different, I suppose." Different? What was wrong with their schedule, she wondered but shrugged her shoulder as she realized that she didn't have any plans anyway.

"Well, uh, I guess I'll see you tonight then." She smiled slightly into the phone. Making a note to call Meredith before she left.

"Oh, it's suppose to rain, so don't ride your bike, babe." He grinned before hanging up, knowing how much she hated driving her car.

"Ass." She muttered into the air before looking at the calender. Crap. Meredith was at school. Why did school start on a Wednesday this year, anyway? It was ten minutes till Lunch anyway. The kids can have an extra few minutes. She was the mayor after all.

**I really heart Cristina in this story. Hope you do too! **


	5. Chapter 5

_Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate  
I believe that happiness is something we create  
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait  
'Cause there's gotta be something more  
_**Sugarland, Something More**

Miranda Bailey had once been a world class surgeon. Brain surgeon at that. But she'd traded it all in the day her son was born. Braiden Michael Bailey was the single most important person in her life, followed closely by her husband, Tucker. She gave up the job for a general practice in a town, she only found because she did a search for the smallest towns in the US on Google. Braxton wasn't the smallest, but it was in the top five, and it was the only one she could pronounce. So after some coaxing, Tucker reluctantly agreed to the move. Nine years later, they still agree it was the best decision they'd made. Braiden would be able to play in the front yard without them having to worry. He knew all of their neighbors, and he knew not to talk to strangers.

She only worked three days a week in her office, and even then she rarely had a patient unless it was Winter. She did make the occasional house call, but only when there were really bad symptoms. Life threatening symptoms really.

Today she was volunteering at the school. Partly because it was her son's first day of fourth grade, and partially because the school had no school nurse, and the first week of school, there was always a kid sick. It was inevitable. It was almost noon, at which time she could go see her son for lunch. She hadn't had one student come in all morning, and she was starting to wish she would have brought a book to read. The only visitor she'd had all morning was the principal, thanking her once again for her time. Just as soon as she went to turn off the light for lunch, there was a knock on the door. It had to be a joke! She was not missing lunch with her baby!

"Callie?" Miranda couldn't quite hide the annoyance in her voice at the principal's reappearance that day. Three times was more than enough. "If you're here to thank me again, you should just turn around. I mean it."

Callie's fake smile faltered slightly as she looked past Miranda into the darkened room. "Were you leaving?"

"To have lunch with Braiden. Yes." Miranda crossed her arms as she refused to step back to allow Callie's entrance.

"I.. I need your help." Callie bit her lower lip nervously as she waited for Miranda's response.

"With what?" she asked reluctantly, glancing quickly down at her watch to find that she had exactly six minutes until Braiden was released for lunch.

"Can I come in?"

Sighing, Miranda nodded as she stepped back, turning on the light once Callie had crossed. This better be quick.

---

_I'm darker underneath  
I'm darker by far  
I'm as dark as hell  
You know who you are_  
**_The Waifs, The Haircut_**

Addison Montgomery was another one of the few that was not born and raised in Braxton. She fled from New York, leaving her with nothing but 50 bucks after paying for the bus ride. She hadn't planned on staying in Braxton. Just long enough to get a job and save up some money for the next bus ride, but the people in the town became more like family, and now she couldn't imagine her life anywhere else. She now owned the local diner where she spent everyday with people she truly cared about, a sharp contrast to her life in New York. No one here knew about her past life, and she liked it that way. They didn't even know her real last name. To them, she was Addison Sampson, and she planned to keep it that way. Being found just wasn't something she was willing to let happen.

"Hey Addi!" Alex smiled as he walked up to the counter, not even bothering to look at the one menu in the entire place. He often

wondered if anyone did, but decided that there was always going to be that one person that wanted to know all of their options.

"Karev. Hey." She gave her best smile as she shook herself out of the thoughts of her past. "How's the rugrat?"

"Great." Alex smiled, leaning on the counter. "The usual, please."

"Coming right up." Addi smiled as she grabbed four pieces of wheat bread from the bread container before reaching into the mini fridge beneath the counter for the ham, cheese, turkey, and mayonnaise packets.

"How's the shop doing? I need to make an appointment. But I just feel so guilty closing the place down to get a haircut." She laughed as she refused to look at her split ends that were hanging down from her pony tail.

"Shop is good. Addi, you know Izzie would stay late for you one day, or come by the house or something. You know, instead of wasting money on those chick flicks you two are always buying.

"You like them!" She laughed as she placed the meat and cheese on the sandwiches.

"Maybe." He chuckled as he watched her place an extra piece of cheese on his sandwich, just the way he liked it.

"Tell Iz I said hey, alright?" Addi smiled as she tossed two bags of BBQ chips into the bag before the individually wrapped sandwiches.

"Will do." He nodded in agreement, grabbing onto the bag. "See ya Pippy."

"I DO NOT LOOK LIKE PIPPY!" she called out to his retreating form that'd already walked out the glass doorway, leaving her with only her thoughts and the sound of the idle fan going round and round above her. She hated Wednesdays.

_No I wasn't looking  
It's funny how I found you  
Just when I thought  
I'd live my life alone  
**Trisha Yearwood, Maybe It's Love**_

"Are you sure you want to do that, Callie? It seems that this guys got a secret." Miranda offered to the woman who was so desperate for her opinion.

"No, he's asked me to meet him before. I just.. I don't know. It could be someone I've known my entire life, and that would just be awkward." Callie reasoned.

"You mean to tell me you don't even know this guy's name!" Miranda's eyes narrowed on her friend, her hands placed firmly on her hips.

"No." Callie grimaced, slightly afraid of the reaction.

"Woman, I don't know much about computers, and I don't pretend to, but that just ain't right." She was cut off by a soft knocking on her door.

She made her way to the door, fully intent on sending whoever it was away until she was finished with Callie until she saw his curls. A smile quickly spread across her face as he opened the door further, extending her arms open for him to fall into. "Hey baby!" she cooed, running her hands over his hair.

"Hey mommy. Hi Ms. Torres." He greeted adults shyly before looking back to Miranda. "Can we go to Addi's, mommy? I'm hungry!"

"Of course, B. Where's Tommy?" She glanced behind her son for his best friend, but didn't see him.

"He stayed in the classroom. The other kids kept staring at him."

Miranda frowned as she nodded her head in understanding. It broke her heart that he had to go through that. "Alright. Well let's go." She smiled as she grabbed his hand before looking at Callie. "I don't like it, Callie! I don't like it at all!"

Callie simply nodded as she watched the mother and son leave her behind. Finally standing up, Callie realized she was even more confused on what to do than she'd been before she told Miranda. But she knee she had to make a decision, and soon. She had to tell him what she wanted to do, whoever he was.

**Sorry it took so long to get this out. Hope you guys like it!  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**_Thanks for the reviews! You probably noticed I changed the shippings a little, the story has kind of changed around a bit, and I hope that's okay. I know there were a few Mer/Mark fans, and I'm so sorry! I hope you will still give it a chance!! _**

_When the train rolls by  
I'm gonna be ready this time  
When the boy gets that look in his eye  
I'm gonna be ready this time  
When my momma said I look good in white  
I'm gonna be ready this time  
**Dixie Chicks, Ready To Run**_

The room was eerily quiet when Cristina bustled in. All of the students were contently working on some worksheet, probably spelling their names, she thought to herself. Meredith's eyes were the only ones that shot to her, and she immediately stood up, and walked over. "Cristina, I'm in class."

"So? Let them go to lunch. What's a few minutes gonna do?" She quipped back as she glanced over at the class. The site would make a great newspaper clipping. They were so perfect. Her eyes fell on Tommy, and a very small frown crossed her features.

Meredith glanced down at her watch before looking back at Cristina. "Well you are the mayor."

"Gotta love it." Cristina smiled as she stepped out of the pathway to the door to sit in Meredith's padded chair. It was surprisingly

comfortable considering how ragged it looked. Meredith had probably had it forever.

"Who wants a few extra minutes for Lunch?" Meredith smiled as the class's attention was directed to her, each of them all smiling and nodding. "Well, alright then. See you at 1."

As soon as the words left her mouth, there was nearly a rampage for the door. Meredith let out a small laugh at the rush. "Apparently I'm boring."

"No you're not, Miss Meri." Tommy's soft voice caught both of their attention. Meredith could of sworn all of the kids had left.

"Aw, thanks Tommy. Don't you want to get lunch?" She wasn't sure what to say to him, because she knew all too well that apologies could only be heard so many times before they turned into pity.

"Can I.. Can I stay in here?" He asked pleadingly, causing Meredith to turn back to Cristina. It was going to be story after all. She watched as she nodded slowly, and Meredith had to stop herself from laughing. Who knew Cristina had a heart.

"Sure you can, kiddo." She smiled at him before turning around back towards her desk. "Alright, what was so important Cristina that I had to end class?"

"Max asked me to stay at his place tonight." Cristina mumbled in a low tone.

"And? What? Are you asking my permission?" Meredith laughed as she grabbed an empty chair from the corner.

"Meredith! What if.. I mean.. He isn't going to ask me at his house, right? I don't like his house. I don't want to get engaged there!"

"Do you want to be engaged?" Meredith grinned, knowing that Cristina was plotting her death right that instant. She was the mayor. She could hide her body so no one would ever find it.

"I don't want to break up." Cristina muttered, sending daggers into Meredith's heart with her eyes. If she wasn't her person, she would so be in a minefield right now.

"Then, if he proposes in his house, just remember that he planned it. And that he wouldn't do it if he didn't think you'd say yes. It's been two years."

"He can't propose on a Wednesday! It's Wednesday! It's not our day! Our day is Saturday! Why is he changing the rules? I, for one, liked the rules! Rules are important. They are like, they are like laws! Regulations even!"

Meredith cut Cristina off before she raised her voice loud enough to scare Tommy. "Alright Mayor. Breathe." Once Cristina's breathing returned to normal, Meredith continued. "Some people find change romantic, some people even crave it. Spontaneity is a good attribute for someone, Cristina. Let him be."

"Who's person are you?" Cristina glared before breaking into a smile, casting a glance in Tommy's direction. "Got any parent teacher meetings planned?"

Meredith's eyes bulged as she began her own plotting of Cristina's death. "It's barely been a month, Cristina." She hissed quietly,

angered that Cristina would bring it up after what happened.

"Everyone needs some love, Mer." Cristina laughed as she backed away slightly from the desk.

"Cristina. It's not funny anymore." Meredith glared at her until her smile disappeared.

"Oh, come on, it was just a joke!"

After a moment, Meredith relaxed content with the knowledge that Cristina didn't mean anything by it.

"I have Braiden in here too." She grinned.

"Oh man. Miranda is never going to leave you alone."

"I know. She's even volunteering as the school nurse."

"Poor kid."

"My sentiments exactly."

"Well I better go. Enjoy your lunch." Cristina grinned as she stood up.

"Enjoy your Wednesday." Meredith bit back as she grabbed the apple on her desk.

"You know in this case.. An apple a day is NOT going to keep the doctor away." Cristina laughed, finally leaving.

_If what you don't know won't hurt you  
Some things are better left alone  
Some things are better left alone  
**Some Things, Tyler Kyte**_

The door was shut by the time Meredith started to bite into her apple. "Miss Meri?" The voice hit her ears just as soon as she took a big bite into the apple, making her laugh slightly before setting the apple onto her desk before nodding her head, indication for him to continue. "When does it go away?"

She stood up to make her way to him, clearly confused by his question, hoping the apple would be all chewed by the time she reached him. It was. "When does what go away, Tommy?"

"The sadness. When are people going to start smiling at me again."

"Well. I don't know, buddy. But I know I will start now." She offered her best smile, trying to fight the urge to hug him. She knew better than anyone how awkward an unwanted hug was.

"Yeah?" he looked up at her hopefully.

"Yeah." She genuinely smiled as she ruffled his hair playfully.

"Guess you can't do much bout anyone else, huh?" He asked, with just a small glimpse of hope in her authority.

"Afraid not. But it'll pass. It's just, well, your mom was pretty loved by everyone." She spoke softly, ignoring the flood of memories as best she could.

"Did you love her?" He asked curiously.

"We were best friends in high school." She offered her best smile before standing back up, not wanting to go in any more detail, or give a definitive answer.

"It's a funny thing, you know.." He spoke softly, and she wasn't even sure he was talking to her, but she turned back to him anyway.

"What's that?"

"I knew her my whole life, and I never knew that." In most cases when a fourth grader said that, she would have truly wanted to laugh, but in that moment, he seemed wiser beyond his years, and a small piece of her heart broke that maybe she wasn't missed at all.

Meredith chuckled appreciatively as she nodded her head. "Life's a mystery sometimes, kiddo."

His eyes dulled as he looked back down at his desk. "You mean how things just happen for no reason?"

"Something like that." She nodded before making her way back to her desk. The rest of the class was going to be back soon, and she had to remember what she was suppose to be doing with them. She hadn't talked about her relationship with Cynthia in years, and she never expected it to be with her son of all people. Some things were better left unknown.


	7. Chapter 7

_And now this whole world is going 'round  
But it's when you're gone it really brings me down _

**Bethany Joy Lenz, Crazy Girls**

George O'Malley had lived in Braxton his entire life. Yet very few knew him. He was timid, an extreme introvert, and when he wasn't working, he spent his free time with his father who'd been sick for years. George worked just enough to pay the bills. He didn't have many friends because he didn't trust anyone. At least not really. Every now and then, he'd have dinner with Cristina and Meredith, or with the Karevs, but that was about it.

That was until he started talking to her. He no longer remembers when it went from polite conversation to serious in depth soul searching, but somewhere along the way, he'd fallen in love with CTBug33, which was hard to understand considering he'd never met her. A part of him, the part that didn't trust anyone, told him he was begging to get burned considering he didn't even know where she lives, besides in SC. But he didn't care anymore. She was by far the best part of his day, and if he needed blind faith to believe it wouldn't go down in flames, then he was willing to at least try.

**CTBug33:** _Hey :)_

His attention was dragged from his thoughts as an IM box popped on top of his screen, covering up Cristina's planner for the day, that was virtually empty. He smiled as he eyes his keyboard, wishing he could even begin to describe the feeling he got in his stomach every time he saw her screen name.

**ILoveMeGold:** _Hey you_.

He responded before quickly minimizing the box. Cristina had caught him on more than one occasion, but she always hounded him to be more bold. But being bold had gotten him nowhere in his life. Not that he'd tried it often, but he'd just never gotten the desired result.

**CTBug33:**_ I've missed you._

He read the words and a blush quickly crept onto his cheeks.

**ILoveMeGold: **_You too._

Once again, he minimized the box, glancing at the doorway, waiting for Cristina to return from, well, wherever it was that she ran off to in such a hurry. Seeing no signs of her, he returned his attention back to the screen to find her box blinking on the bottom menu.

**CTBug33:** _I told my friend about you today_.

His mind wondered to how many times he'd attempted, and ultimately failed, to tell someone about her. Cristina didn't even really know. She definitely didn't know he'd never met her. She'd never let him live it down.

**ILoveMeGold:**_ All good things, I hope._

He waited rather nervously for her response, his stomach doing flops faster than he could keep track.

**CTBug33:** _On my end. :/_

Just as he'd feared, her friend obviously didn't understand. Then again, in today's world, it's hard to have faith in people. He knew that better than anyone.

**ILoveMeGold:** _We could... get to know each other better. _

He bit his lower lips repeatedly as thought about what that would entail. **Like your name for instance.**

**CTBug33:** _We could :)_

A smile plagued his feautures as he looked down at the keyboard. "I'm George." He spoke the words that he'd wanted to type for so long, but as soon as his fingertips hit the keyboard another message popped up from her.

**CTBug33:** _Another time. Gotta go. Work calls. XOXO _

His smile faded instantly as the words that'd been building for so long were once again killed before they reached her.

**CTBug33 signed off.**

"Bye CTBug." He whispered to the thin air right before Cristina bustled into the office. Causing him to quickly X out of the box.

"Coffee O'Malley! I need coffee!" she stopped right before she reached her door. "Why do you look like someone ran over your mom? Girl problems?"

"Something like that." George smiled before standing up to go get some coffee.

"O'Malley!" Cristina called out, completely irritated that she felt the need to baby him. He was a grown man. "For what it's worth.. I'm sure everything will be okay with whoever she is."

He simply nodded before she walked into her office. Leaving him with a smile. Who knew she had feelings. "Coffee coming right up, Mayor."

_I talked so much, I'm sure  
I didn't realize I'd gone crazy  
Didn't catch my bloody nose  
Or that my heart tried to explode  
I still hang with my High School friends  
Some people never change at all  
We're still the same compulsive drunks  
We were when we were small _

**You Can Breathe, Jack's Mannequin**

The diner was full of the usual goers when Mark and Derek walked in at two o'clock for lunch. It'd been a long day. Derek spent most of the morning convincing Mark that Frank only messed with him albeit Addison because he let it get to him. That wasn't necessarily true, Frank had made it clear that if he was ever sober for longer than a week, he was going to ask her to marry him. Somehow, Derek didn't see them riding off into the sunset though.

"Hey Addi." Mark smiled as he sat down on a barstool.

"Deputy. You're here.. Again." It wasn't that she was complaining exactly, after all, she was a business woman,and he left great tips, but sometimes she wondered if he'd ever made a meal for himself. The thought made her a little sad.

"I didn't want you to worry that I'd been killed in a shootout." He laughed, considering he'd never had to use his gun, it was highly

unlikely. Or allowed to use it. But he didn't see that as a point to be spoken of either.

"How considerate of you." She laughed eying him for a moment before turning her attention to Derek. "What about you Sheriff?"

Derek grinned as he looked between the two. "I'm the wingman. Do I get a discount?"

"Quit being a cheap ass, Derek." Mark laughed as he watched Addison already start on his food. "Hey! I haven't ordered yet!"

Addison rolled her eyes, not even bothering to look his way. "Call it Chef's Intuition."

"I want a brownie." Mark grinned before continuing. "You should have a coupon. Like buy 2 sandwiches, get a brownie free."

"How about I just give you a brownie?" Addison laughed as she grabbed a brownie from the treats area.

"For being your favorite customer?" Mark broadened his smile.

"How about for bringing a good .. Wingman." Addison winked at him before placing the two plates onto the counter. "Enjoy guys."

"She loves me." Mark smiles as he looked down to find the double stacked brownie. "Frank doesn't get double stacked."

"Frank doesn't pay." Derek laughed, shaking his head at his best friends attempt.

"You're the worst wingman ever." Mark glared before taking a bite of the sandwich.

"I'm your only wingman." Derek pouted playfully.

"Yeah. What good has that done me." The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. "Sorry."

**Epennies for your thoughts. **


	8. Chapter 8

_Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow  
I can't let go  
When will this night be over  
**BBMak, Ghost of You And Me**_

It'd been fifteen minutes since the afternoon bell rang, indicating that the first day of school was officially over, and Meredith found herself alone, once again, with the young boy.

"Hey Tommy, is your Dad suppose to pick you up today?" She asked softly as she made her way to the back of the classroom where his desk was located.

"I don't know. Either him or Mark." He shrugged his shoulders. He was upset that they'd obviuosly forgotten about him, but he'd never admit that. He got that his dad had an important job, he just wished he was important too.

"I could walk you to the jail if you'd like." She smiled at him, hoping that he'd feel better once he didn't feel so confined.

He was about to decline the offer when Derek ran into the room. "Hey Tommy. I'm so sorry, kiddo. Car broke down, and I've been waiting for them to fix it all day." Once he finally took a breath, he realized there was someone else in the room. He hadn't even taken the time to look at the name on the door when he ran in, and now he was regretting it.

Meredith winced as she heard his voice, hoping that she wouldn't have to face him, but as silence overtook the room, she realized she just wasn't that lucky. Finally turning around to face him, she put on her bravest smile.

"Hi Derek." She'd seen him around town a lot through the years, even had a dinner with a group of friends and him a few times, but it'd been a long time since she was forced to actually have a conversation with him. She didn't want to talk to him, especially not now.

"Me.. Meredith." He whispered as his eyes met hers. "I.. I didn't know you were Tommy's teacher." He frowned, realizing how bad of a parent he sounded. His mother had taken Tommy to the open house the week before, and Derek didn't even to think to ask who his teacher was. It wasn't like there were options.

"It's okay. You've been.." Meredith stumbled on her words as she glanced between Derek and Tommy, "distracted. I.. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks." He offered a ghostly smile. "She missed you, ya know?"

"Can we go home now, daddy? I gotta clean my room before T gets home." Tommy was growing increasingly uncomfortable with his parents past with his teacher. The tension had sucked all the oxygen out of the room, and he, for one, needed to get outside.

"Sure buddy." Derek smiled softly at his son before turning his attention to Meredith. "Good to see you, Meredith."

"You too." She offered, watching as the father and son left the room hand in hand. She couldn't help but wonder what that life would be like. As she glanced around the empty room, she was certain it would be better than the one she was leading.

The worst part is she had a feeling that this was going to become a frequent encounter. If not with Derek, then with Mark, and she didn't particularly want to deal with either. She didn't want to face her mistakes anymore. She didn't want to remember what caused the loss of one of the best friends she'd ever had way before the time of death approached.

**Please let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

_It's love that breaks the seal of always thinking you would be  
Real happy and healthy, strong and calm  
Where does the good go  
Where does the good go  
**Tegan and Sara**_

"DADDY!" Tommy's voice rang through the cozy house that was only lit by carefully placed candles. Derek and Teresa immediately jumped to their feet, making their way down the hall to the boys room.

"What's the matter, baby?" Ms. T cooed as she made her way to the boy's bedside. He'd already been asleep when she arrived, and she didn't want to wake him up, but it was good to know he was.. Alive.

"I saw her! She was here! She was here! Where is she?" he cried, tears bigger then his sleepy eyes attempting to make a puddle on his bunched sheets.

Teresa looked to Derek only to find him in the corner of the room, his own eyes filling with tears as well. She nodded in understanding at the scene. Derek had done it more than she cared to remember when his father passed. "What do I do, Ma?" He asked in a hushed whisper as the little boy continued to demand to know where she was.

"Go back to the living room, Derek. Let me talk to him." He looked at her for a moment before nodding. She was better with words than he was. He slowly made his way over to the bed and placed a kiss on the top of Tommy's brown hair that he obviously got from his mother. "I love you, Tommy." He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt that he didn't return the gesture, but he understood. After all, he'd been that boy before. Except he was much younger. He was thankful that Tommy got as much as time as he had with Cinny.

Once the door was shut, Teresa took a hold of Tommy's little hands before pulling him into her lap, rocking him back and forth. "You need to listen to me, baby. Okay?" his body eventually stopped shaking as his breathing returned to normal.

"Ok." He whispered, wrapping his arms around her as much as possible. "You know that your mommy would be here right now if she could, right? She loved you so much." She could tell he was still trying to process the distinction between the dream and life, so she waited patiently until he responded.

"I miss her." He pouted, secretly craving to smell her perfume one last time as she read him a bed time story.

"I know, baby. I miss her too." Teresa cooed, bracing herself for the rest of the conversation. "What do you miss most about her?"

"Everything." He whispered through a series of sniffles.

"Tell me about your dream." She watched as he shook his head.

"No. It's mine." He whined, pulling away from her embrace slightly.

"It'll help, baby. If anything, it'll help you remember. Don't you want to remember?"

"Why did she have to go? She was suppose to be here! She always picked me up from school! She wasn't there! No one was there!" He begged for answers that he already knew she couldn't give him, no one could give him. Yet, he begged anyway.

"I'll be there from now on. I'm sorry I wasn't there today." She frowned as she remembered Derek's recollection of the day. It definitely hadn't gone smoothly. And Meredith, she couldn't even begin to process that.

"My teacher knew her." Maybe she had to process it after all.

"You like your new teacher?" she asked, ignoring the statement for now.

"Miss Meri is nice. She let me eat in the classroom."

"Why didn't you want to go to the cafe?"

"They all stare at me like I'm some stray or something. She doesn't look at me like that."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"You know, she used to read me a story when I had nightmares." He swallowed harshly, not wanting to replace her, but knowing he needed to sleep for school. He couldn't be late again.

"Oh yeah? Any particular story?" she smiled at him the best she could before glancing to the collection of books in the far corner of his room.

"Not really. Whatever she was in the mood for really." He smiled sadly as he remembered the night before she left the last time.

_**The roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone  
Part of me is fighting this, but part of me is gone**  
_**Three Doors Down**

_Tommy had been tossing and turning for a good hour, rather loudly because of the squeaking of the bed, when he heard the knock on his door. "Tom Tom? Can I come in?"_

_"It's unlocked." He sighed as he flipped onto his side so he'd have a better view of her. He wanted to pretend to be mad at her, but he couldn't even pretend. He was just sad._

_"You alright, kiddo?" She asked as she made her way further into the room, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Casually placing the back of her hand against his forehead to find that he didn't seem to be running a fever._

_"I don't want you to go, mom. Granny doesn't Really need you THIS weekend, right?" He whined, hoping for a different answer than he'd gotten the last six times he'd asked her. But that was at dinnertime, so he figured it wouldn't hurt to ask._

_"I'm afraid so. I'd take you with me, but your dad has been planning this camping trip for weeks." She gave her best reassuring smile as she thought about how happy he'd been about the trip until he realized she was leaving too._

_"You could come with us!"_

_"Oh believe me. You do not want me camping with you." She laughed as she ran her fingers through his hair. "I'll be back before you are."_

_"I can't sleep." He pouted as he grabbed her hand._

_"Well, I suppose I could read you a story, but it's gotta be short, ok?" She smiled down at him as he nodded his head before grabbing a nearby book and opening it up to the first page. "Once upon a time..."_

_In a matter of minutes, the little boy seemed to be sleeping soundly snuggled into his pillows. "Love you Tom Tom." She whispered before placing a kiss on his forehead. "Sweet dreams. See you on Sunday." _

"Tommy?" Teresa cooed as she waved her hands in his face.

"Sorry." He frowned. "Just thinking." She'd lied. She wasn't there when he got back that Sunday afternoon, and it wasn't untill Monday night that he figured out why.

"So ready for a story?" She was surprised when he quickly shook his head no.

"I'll read it myself." He frowned as he took the book from her hands.

"Alright. Well the offer still stands anytime.."

"Thanks." He whispered meekly as she left the room. He didn't want to be mean, there were just some things he wasn't ready for.

"Love you mommy." He whispered as he ran his fingers over the covering of the book before placing it underneath his pillow, hoping it would keep away the nightmares.


	10. Chapter 10

_I am what you see  
I am not what they say  
But if I turned out to be  
Could you love me anyway  
**You'll Ask For Me, Tyler Hilton**_

Cristina hated the drive to Max's place, but she hated the idea of him coming to her place even more. Her place was messy- disgusting even. He had pictures everywhere, all of the same person. She swore the woman looked eerily familiar, but he said it was a deceased girlfriend. Sure, it was weird,but everyone mourns differently. Who was she to judge? The memory of her father still plagued her, and it was those days she locked herself in her room for hours at a time going through a scrapbook that she'd made that included every picture she could find of her father. She wouldn't move to another picture until she could recall in vivid detail what was going on in the picture. She reassured herself that it was normal to want to remember her father, even when it hurt.

As she pulled up to the relatively small house, she tried her best to imagine pulling up to the house, or one similar knowing he was inside of it, As she pulled up to the relatively small house, she tried her best to imagine pulling up to the house, or a similar one knowing he was inside of it, but she couldn't, and that irritated her more than anything else. She cared about Max a lot, hell she probably loved him, but there was something so.. unacceptable about living with him. She didn't understand why they should change what they had. It worked. Besides she was the mayor, she couldn't leave! Would he be willing to move? Sure, she knew

she was getting a head of herself slightly, he hadn't actually proposed, but it was inevitable. As much as she hated to admit it, he was that guy. She couldn't help but wonder what he saw in her.

By the time she made her way out of the car, the front door opened revealing his broad smile.

She gave her most confident smile, something she'd perfected at the age of seven when she won the class spelling bee, and all but marched directly into his arms.

"It's Wednesday." She muttered against his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly.

"I like Wednesdays."

"Why?"

"Let's get inside." Max laughed, freeing one arm to open the door to guide her in.

Cristina glanced around carefully for any romantic gestures. Sighing in relief when she didn't automatically see any, she allowed her shoulders to drop into a comfortable position.

"I don't doubt it." She grinned, making herself a spot on one of the couches.

"It's your favorite."

"Pizza?"

"Chicken Parmesan." He glared at her, but wasn't able to bury the smile for long. "Come on." He pulled her up with ease before making his way further into the house.

"Something looks different." She glanced around at the bare walls, and it wasn't until the saw the spots where the nails used to be that she realized the pictures were gone. "Where'd the pictures go?"

"I did some.. rearranging." He offered a faint smile until they reached the kitchen.

The room was dark except for two single candles on the small square table. The candles were just enough light to showcase the food and wine, and suddenly Cristina's confidence evaporated into nothing. She'd let her guard down, and this is what he does for her!

"What do you think?" He asked, hoping that she wouldn't freak out too bad.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she nodded her head. "Nice. It's very nice. Orderly. It's nice."

"Orderly?"

"It's very nice, Max. Pretty even. Good job." She rolled her eyes as she made her way to the table and sat down.

"Thanks." He smiled faintly at her as he took the seat in front of her.

The dinner was eaten in mostly silence with the exception of the obligatory questions of how the day went and so forth. Cristina was on a mission to avoid any topic that would lead to engagement talk or proposal. She'd let her guard down once, she wasn't going to do it again.

"So do you still hate Wednesdays?" he grinned as he refilled her glass with wine for the third time.

"Yes." She grinned, taking a moment before continuing. "Perhaps not as much."

"You know we could make this a.. Daily thing." He offered, eying her carefully for any sudden movements.

"Daily? As in Mondays, Thursdays, and Sundays too?" she asked, trying her best to stay calm. Somehow she didn't see that coming.

"Don't forget Tuesdays." He grinned.

"Tuesdays and Fridays are already taken."

"I have friends too, ya know?"

"Good to know."

"Cristina.."

"Hm?"

"Marry me."

By the time the words registered in her brain he'd somehow managed to form a ring from somewhere. Her eyes bulged as her eyes settled on the ring. "I can't."

"Cristina."

"I can't.. I can't wear that." She shook her head, wondering how she ended up with such a traditionalist.

"Please. For me." He smiled, realizing that she didn't say she wouldn't marry him.

"Max." She spoke his name, but all other words failed her.

"It's just a ring."

"I don't do jewelry."

"Fine."

Cristina smiled as she made her way to his side of the table, straddling his lap. "Are we doing to have sex now or are you going to pout?"

"We're going to have sex now." He laughed, standing up, easily balancing her weight.

"Good." She grinned, pulling him into a kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons  
Finally content with a past I regret  
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness  
For once I'm at peace with myself  
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long  
**I'm Movin On, Rascal Flatts**_

The next two days went smoothly in town. In fact, Meredith thought it went too smoothly, but she refused to take that into account. Maybe it was just going to be a good year, even though she doubted it. She was on her Saturday morning jog when the Sheriff's car pulled up beside her. Stopping in her tracks to pull out her ipod plugs out of her ears. "Mark." She spoke softly, he hadn't went out of his way to talk to her since everything had happened. Sure, he sent her the required friendly smile in passing, but he hadn't truly spoken to her in years. Not since she'd destroyed his faith in people.

"Her Meridith." He stumbled on the name, making it very obvious this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have. "Can I..can we talk?"

Meredith simply nodded as she looked around until her eyes settled on the park. Quickly shaking the idea off, she turned back towards him. The park just wasn't somewhere they should go.

"Get in." He sighed, reaching over to open the passenger door for her.

"Okay." She nodded, quickly making her way into the car. Once the car was back on the road, she dared herself to look at him. "So, how are you?"

"I'm.. okay." He decided as he glanced her direction. He didn't like talking to her at all, much less about something that hit so close to home. But he needed to have this conversation. Because he knew how easily things could happen. "You?"

"Same as ever." She smiled as she began to ring out her hands like a washcloth. Unfortunately, it wasn't helping.

"I saw you at her funeral, ya know." He sighed, trying to hide the built up anger of her appearance. He didn't think she had a right to be there. Not after everything she'd done. How much she'd ruined.

"Oh." She lowered her head. She didn't think anyone saw her. She didn't even tell Cristina she went. She stood about hundred yards away until everyone had left before she went. "I just.." She didn't know how to explain it, she knew she couldn't get forgiveness from a grave, but a part of her wanted to try. At least express her apologies- her sorrow.

"You had no right." He glared at her, finally coming to a stop in an abandoned parking lot.

"I didn't think anyone saw me." She ran her fingers through her hair, trying not to tear up.

"Doesn't matter!" He tightened his grasp on the steering wheel, hoping it would calm him down. "She never did anything to you except be there for you, and you betrayed her! Okay, maybe I wasn't perfect, but I cared about you! And she.. why would you make her pay for my mistakes?"

"I'm sorry, Mark." She whispered, deceitful tears falling off her cheeks and onto her lap. She never thought things would get so out of hand, out of her control. No one was suppose to get hurt. Especially not Cinny.

"No! You aren't! You just feel guilty because she passed away before your selfish pride would ever let you feel anything but righteousness!" He refused to look at her, because if he saw her cry, he would take it back. He didn't want to take it back. She needed to hear it.

"She was my best friend, Mark!" She cried out before burying her face into her hands.

"Some friend you are!" He bit back bitterly, looking out his window at the empty streets.

"I was in college, and I thought.. I thought I was in love." It was the first time she'd ever spoken those words out loud, and it shocked her more than it did him. She didn't know if it was his re-entrance into her life, or just talking with Mark, but the realization hit her harder than ever, and she was determined to blame Mark for every bit of it.

"With your best friends boyfriend? Or your boyfriend's best friend? PICK WHICH ONE IS WORSE!" He gnarled.

"How many times do I have to say that I'm sorry! But P.S Mark! I wasn't the only one in that fling! You're still friends with him! Hell, you work with him!" She bit back, her jealousy slipping through slightly. He got to keep both of them. It wasn't fair. "He chose her over me. You chose him over me. She chose him. Obviously, I wasn't too damn important!"

_Braids have been un-tied  
Ribbons fall away  
Leave the consequence  
But my tears you'll taste  
**Skin, Alexz Johnson**_

He was slightly surprised by her outburst. Shaking his head, choosing to ignore it for the moment, he continued. "The reason I found you is I wanted to.. I wanted to thank you for taking care of Tommy." He sighed, having to bite his tongue to stop anything rude from coming out afterwards. "He's been going on and on about you. And Derek.. He didn't want.. He didn't want to bring up old wounds. So I told him I'd thank you for him. So. Th.. Thank you, Meredith." He grimaced at the words, he couldn't believe he had to say them.

"He's a good kid. You can tell he had good parents." Meredith frowned at the life she'd let slip by her.

"Great parents. They were happy, Mer. You.. You did the right thing by leaving town." Mark sighed, coming to terms with Meredith's side for the first time, even after all this time. He'd refused to humanize her. She'd hurt him.

"Thanks." She smiled sadly as her eyes traveled out the window.

"He looks just like her."

"A little eerie, huh?" Mark let out a small laugh. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mer. It's just, even after so long, it just hurts."

Meredith offered a soft smile as grabbed onto one of hands and squeezed it. "You are going to find someone amazing, Mark. I just know it."

"I've missed you, ya know? I mean, not like that. But."

Meredith cut him off with a soft laugh. "I know. Me too. We shouldn't be strangers."

"How did we let it get this far?"

"Pain is a hard thing to overcome."

"Yeah." Mark frowned as his thoughts once again turned to his best friend.

"How is he?" She asked, deciding to bite the bullet.

"Who?"

"Derek. You know. The elephant in the car. How is he?"

"He's.. surviving." Mark frowned, wishing he could say more.

Meredith simply nodded as she decided it was time to go. "If there's anything.. Will you tell him ... Just.. I'm around. Okay?"

Mark nodded slowly at her sincere gesture. "See ya, Meredith."

"Bye Mark." With that, she got off the car to start on the good two mile run home. Even if he'd offered a ride, she would have declined. She needed the air.

**Thoughts?**


	12. Chapter 12

_**It's coming down to nothing more than apathy  
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see  
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears  
Everyone knows I'm in over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
Let's rearrange  
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage**_  
**The Fray, Over My Head**

After stopping by the jail to find it empty, Derek and Tommy set out on the mile and a half walk to the nearest pond. They'd checked the weather channel three times, and each time there was no rain in sight. Great for walking, bad for the drought that they couldn't seem to pull themselves out of.

The walk was simple, either of them could walk the stretch of road with their eyes closed, but as their consuming silence overtook the walk, each of them found other things to focus on such as the length of the grass had grown since they'd went last time or how the trees seemed to be getting shorter compared to how Tommy remembered them as a younger boy.

Derek finally drew up the courage to talk. He'd barely spoken much of anything to him since it'd happened. He just looked so much like her. It was hard. "So anything new I should know about?" The words came out in a low whisper as the only other sound they heard was the swishing of the grass beneath their feet.

"Can I ask you a question?" Tommy asked, not completely certain he really wanted the answer.

"Sure buddy." Derek smiled, hoping it'd be something to get his mind on something besides Cinny, and definitely besides Meredith.

"How do you know Miss Meri? Were you friends with her when she was friends with mommy?" A soft sigh escaped Derek's lips as he considered the story, and what was acceptable for Tommy to hear.

"We were all friends, Tommy. Your mom, me, Mark, Me.. Miss Meri." He offered his best smile to his son to hide the guilt and sadness.

"So what happened?" Tommy asked, his detective side coming out full force.

"Miss Meri moved away for awhile, and when she came back.. Everything had changed, I guess." Derek frowned at his thoughts went back to one of the last time he spoke Meredith before she left.

_**See I'm not worried who you're hittin on at midnight  
The way I see it I've got you and I both covered  
The world's to bed and you and I instead  
Will secretly enjoy our time  
So kiss on me tonight  
Kiss On Me, Tyler Hilton**_

_He'd been standing outside of her door for fifteen minutes pacing back and forth from the stairwells on both sides. How could he tell her? She'd be broken. She would hate him forever, and he couldn't blame her. He'd lied to her._

_He was forced to face her as her door opened revealing her in a thick coat that easily passed her knees a long with the matching set of gloves and scarf. "Mer.." He spoke breathlessly as he realized for the first time the freezing breaths he'd been exhaling the entire time. He looked down at his thin sweater and jeans and realized he was destined to get pneumonia, but he couldn't feel any worse than he did at that moment._

_"Derek.." Meredith's eyes teared up at his broken expression, and overwhelming feeling of doom cast over her, and she couldn't shake it off. "What are you doing here? I'm going to Cinny's. I can't..." she shook her head as she reminded herself of Cinny's shaking voice moments earlier on the phone._

_"I messed up, Mer. Baby, I'm so sorry." His tears spilled over his eyes as he forced himself closer to her, begging silently for her to forgive him. She had to forgive him_

_"Derek.." Meredith's fear went into overdrive as he pulled her into a tight embrace, his tears soaking into her jacket and through her shirt onto her shoulders. She reluctantly wrapped her arms around him, running her fingers through his hair, partly for fear it'd be the last time. "Talk to me.."_

_"Can I come in?" He asked, knowing that once she went to Cinny's, she might never speak to him again._

_"Derek.. Cinny.. I have to go." She sighed as she looked into his eyes. "5 minutes. That's it. Ok?" He quickly nodded and followed her back into the apartment._

_As soon as the door was shut, he gently pushed her against it, kissing her with as much passion he could muster considering the tears that were falling down his cheeks. He continued to kiss her untill she gave in, melting into his embrace. Her coat was unbuttoned quickly, and discarded right there at the door before he began walking backwards into the living room, knowing they'd never make it to the bedroom._

_"I love you, baby. You have to believe me." He pleaded as he broke the kiss to sit down on the couch before pulling her on top of him. "Please say you believe me." His tears continued to fall as he ran his hands underneath her loose long sleeved henley shirt. Her skin was warm to the touch, causing him to crave the intimacy even more._

_The shirt was tossed onto the coffee table, along with his sweater before Meredith gained enough control to pull away._

_"What'd you do, Derek?" she cried as her fingertips ran up and down his chest, memorizing each of every centimenter they could._

_"Cinny's pregnant." Her fingers trails stopped immediately as she looked into his eyes._

_"No." Meredith shook her head as he looked around at the surroundings. "No. She can't be. We agreed Derek. You promised you wouldn't." She couldn't bring herself to look at him anymore as she crossed her arms against her chest. "You promised."_

_"I'm so sorry." He cried as he grabbed onto her hands, bringing them to his lips._

_"One more month, Derek. All you had to do was wait one more month." She cried as she watched him kiss her hands, and travel up her arms. "She was leaving next month!"_

_"It.. It was our anniversary, Mer. What was I suppose to do?"_

_"NOT sleep with her!" she called out as she glared at him._

_"Like you haven't slept with Mark!" his voice was full of hurt more than anger, but it didn't stop her from slapping him._

_"How dare you!" she started to get up but was pulled back down. "I'm sorry." He whispered as his hands cupped her face, pulling her into another kiss._

_"I can't. Not now." She shook her head, not meeting his gaze._

_"I know it's over, Mer. I just.. I can't leave here without showing you how much I care about you."_

_"You already have!" she glared at him as she tried to get up once again but was stopped by his hands on her hips, holding her in place._

_"Baby.." She knew it was dangerous to look into his eyes. But she couldn't stop herself. As soon as she did, she knew he'd win. She couldn't say no to him. It's what had gotten them in this to begin with._

_"One last time?" she whispered meekly as her hands found his belt buckle before meeting his gaze, receiving a nod. In one quick motion the belt was removed, followed quickly by the rest of their clothing._

_Thirty minutes and a shower of intense scrubbing later, Meredith was leaving her apartment once again to face the worst news of her life, this time by her best friend._

_You my love  
Non existence seemed like  
Nothing my love  
And though I said I was scared to die  
The end seemed so much greater  
Then either side of the equator  
But you saved me  
God was there to pass me  
You my love  
**Tyler Hilton**_

"Dad! DAD!" Tommy's voice brought him back from the vivid memory, leaving him with nothing but blushed cheeks.

"Sorry." He mumbled as he began to walk again.

"Why did she move away?"Tommy asked, not understanding why anyone would want to leave Braxton.

"She just needed to start over I suppose." Derek frowned as he looked down at his son.

"Did mommy ever want to start over?"

Derek smiled down at his son and shook his head, no, slightly thankful that he didn't ask if she ever wanted to leave, because that was an entirely different story. "Nope kiddo, you're mom was very happy here."

"Then why'd she leave us?" Tears sprang to his eyes as he looked down at the wild grass.

"I don't know buddy, but I do know she got everything she ever wanted." Derek gave his best smile as he ruffled his kid's hair.

"Like what?"

"You." Derek grinned pulling him into a sideways hug as his mind once again went back into the past, but this time a very recent past.

x

_She was smiling as she entered the room, instantly crawling into the bed beside Derek. "He asleep?" He asked as he wrapped his arm around her waist, kissing her quickly on the lips._

_"Yeah. He even offered me the chance to go fishing." She grinned as she snuggled closer to him._

_"Only because he's never seen you try." Derek grinned, quickly receiving a light slap on his arm. "Aw Cinny, you know I'd take you anytime."_

_"That's what I thought!" She laughed as she glanced at the puzzle in his hand. "Isn't that the one from last week?" She laughed as she realized he was only halfway through._

_"I'm a busy man." He grinned sheepishly as he stared at the same clue he'd been staring at for the last fifteen minutes._

_"Of course you are. You have to babysit the two rugrats."_

_"Who? Mark and Frank?" Derek laughed._

_"Who else?"_

_"I'm going to miss you, BonBon."_

_"I'm counting on it." She grinned, kissing him again before laying back on her pillow. "Goodnight babe, see you on Sunday."_

_"Love you."_

_"Mhm." She smiled before dozing off to sleep before he even flickered off the lamp. _

_x  
_

"Dad?" Tommy spoke softly, noticing the twinkle in his father's eyes as he gazed into the distance before he focused on him.

"Yeah?"

"Remember how when mommy made cookies, and everytime I would try to eat one, she always caught me? Even if she wasn't in the room?"

Derek offered a soft chuckle as he nodded his head, recalling the same memories with his own mother.

"It was like she could see everything. Do you think she can still see me?" Derek stopped walking as the question fully registered in his mind, kneeling down to become eye level with his son.

"I think... I think your mom will always be your guardian angel, kiddo." Derek smiled softly at his son.

"So she knows when I eat an extra cookie?" His eyes bulged as he swallowed the lump in his throat harshly.

"Better not take anymore, huh?" He laughed, ruffling the kid's hair.

"Guess not." He shook his head. "What about you? Is she yours too?"

"I hope so, kiddo." Derek frowned before he stood back up, restarting the walk to the pond.

"I love you, dad." Tommy smiled as he grabbed onto his father's hand, trying his best to keep up with the pace of the walk.


	13. Chapter 13

_When the moon has passed us by_

_And when the sunlight has_

_Opened up my eyes_

_I will see you in the morning_

_Goodnight, goodnight_

**Evermore**

By the time he stumbled into the diner, it'd been deserted by it's faithful customers for the evening, giving him a wide variety of choices to sit. The liquid on the floor, which he only assumed was from mopping, made his decision easy as he sat down at the nearest table. Alcohol and wet floors had never been a good combination for him over the years.

"Pippie? Where's Pippie?" Frank called out with a dazed smile on his face as he glanced around the place, looking for signs of the redhead. A clashing of pans echoed off the walls before she made her way into view.

Taking a moment to catch her breath from the scare once she saw him, she ran her hands along her apron as she made her way over to him. "Hey Frankie." She smiled as she took the other seat across from him. "Early night?"

"Frank told the sheriff he'd go to church in the morning, so Frank thinks that if he starts drinking early, the chances of him waking up

will be greater." He smiled proudly at his reasoning.

Holding in her laugh, knowing he'd be way too hungover to attend the service, Addison gave him her best smile. "Sounds like a winning plan to me, Frankie. You can sit with me."

"Frank would like that verrrrrry much, Pippie. Thank you."

"What can I get for you today? I don't have long. I have to head on over to Izzie's." She felt bad for leaving him, but there wasn't a whole lot she could do. Plans were plans.

"Is a Frankie kiss on the menu?"

"No.." She laughed as she scooted back in her chair. "But I can give you a brownie topped with a Hershey's kiss."

"Well Frank was once told to take what he can get. So Frank accepts."

"Brownie it is then." She grinned, finally standing up to make her way to the counter.

Only a few minutes passed before she was back at the table, taking her hair down from the clip to relax. "So, how was your night?"

"I met someone." He grinned, watching hopefully for any signs of jealousy, but only found amusement.

"Oh? Anyone I would know?" She smiled curiously at his admission, well aware that he probably didn't remember her name.

"Doubt it. She was passing through. She was pretty though. But not as pretty as you, Pippie. You'll always be number one in Frank's heart."

Addison did her best to hold in her laughter at his all too common love confession. He was a sweet guy, but she could never take him seriously. She could count the number of times she'd seen him sober on one hand, possibly one finger. "You'll always be in my heart too, buddy."

"Pippie is mean to Frank." He frowned as he took the Hershey kiss off the brownie and popped it in his mouth.

"Talk to me when you remember my name." She winked at him as she crossed her arms in front of her on the table.

"Your name isn't Pippie?" He pouted as he looked around the cafe.

"Not in this lifetime." She laughed, shaking her head before standing back up. "I have to finish cleaning. Take your time though. Kay?"

"Good night." He grinned before taking another bite of the brownie.

"I'll save you a seat tomorrow." She winked at him before making her way into the back, leaving him to wonder what she was talking about only for a moment, until he was once again distracted by the glass of milk.

He loved Pippie.

**xoxoxoxoxo**

_I hate you I love you_

_i just cant remember to forget you_

_who are you who needs you_

_you make me feel alive"_

_**Lilix, It's About Time**_

Meredith had just walked into the door of her small house when her cell phone's ringtone filted in the air. After rummaging through her purse, she put the phone to her ear before clicking Accept. "Hello?" She spoke breathlessly as she placed her purse on the nearby table, thankful to finally be home.

"Get ready." Cristina's rushed voice made it hard for her to understand what she said so after a moment of silence, Cristina repeated the command.

"Get ready? For what?" Meredith huffed as the once inevitable dream of cuddling up into her down comforter and watching Lifetime quickly diminished into a night of high heels and tequila. Neither of which were going to make the two hour long Sunday sermon any more bearable.

"We're going to Joe's." Her dream was effectively demolished as she made her way through the house and into her closet.

"It's Saturday. Isn't it Max night?" Meredith pouted as she glanced longingly at her bed that was all but screaming at her to get in it.

"It's Saturday, but Max had his night Wednesday. And we both know how that went. Tonight he's going to want to move in or something. You have to be the decoy. Keep the conversation off anything heavy."

"You owe me." Meredith sighed, finally grabbing a pair of jeans and baby t-shirt from their respective hangers.

"Don't wear jeans!" Cristina spoke deliberately into the phone as she opened her friend's front door.

"How do you know I was going to wear jeans?" Meredith huffed as she turned around to find that her door was being opened by none other than Cristina. "What are you doing here?" She asked, quickly hiding the jeans behind her back.

"You're entirely too predictable." Cristina rolled her eyes as she made her way into the closet, grabbing the jeans from Meredith's hand and tossing them onto the floor without giving them a second glance before turning her attention to the designated section of Meredith's closet for skirts. Finding the shortest one, she grabbed it, shoving it into Meredith's hands before throwing the baby t-shirt onto the floor as well. "I swear, Meredith. I don't know how I let you go out in public at all." Several seconds later, Meredith had an entire outfit in her hands, accompanied with a pair reasonbly moderate high heels at the door of the bathroom. "Ten minutes and then I'm coming in." Cristina laughed as she went and plopped herself on Meredith's bed.

"Hope you're comfortable." Meredith glared at her before making her way into the bathroom, trying to remember for the life of her why she was friends with her at all.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Hey guys! I haven't done an AN in awhile, so I'm just going to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for the reviews! They really make my day! Enjoy!**  
_

_Calling all friends and people I met on the way down  
Calling all friends and people I don't even know  
Calling on high I want to believe there's a way now  
I'm too tired to pretend I don't want to be alone  
**Calling All Friends, Low Stars**_

It was just rounding 8:30 when Addison found herself on the doorsteps of her best friends. She no longer remembered how she'd become friends with Izzie, nor she could say what they had in common, but she was definitely her best friend. Yet, that didn't stop her from feeling slightly out of place when she stood on their front porch. She'd let this life slip right through her fingers, and sometimes that became more than she could take. She'd always wanted the house with the pickett fence, and the baby. She'd always wanted a baby. As the music that was being played inside the home filtered it's way out, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever get the chance again.

She'd barely removed her hand from the door from the first knock when it was swung open by a smiling Izzie. "Hey babe!" she pulled her friend into the house, being sure to shut the door behind her.

"Hey!" Addison laughed as pulled away from the hug. "Sorry I'm late, Frank stopped by the diner. You know I can't turn him away."

"Addi.. You do know he's like the richest guy in town, right? He practically owns Main Street."

"Goes to show that money can't buy happiness. Come on Iz, the guy is always alone." Addi pouted, trying to defend the guy. Even when she was with her best friend, there were a lot of things Addison couldn't say. She had too many secrets to defend herself too much. Her loneliness was only part of the package that she couldn't explain.

"Because he's a drunk who pretends the jail is his home even though he probably has a bed bigger then my entire room!" She didn't understand everyone's need to take care of him, even Alex gave him free haircuts! Free! To the richest man in town! It irritated her to no end.

"Aw Iz, he only stays at the jail when he's too drunk to drive home. Be nice!" Addison smiled as she finally moved the conversation from the foyer to the living room, where Alex was reclining in his chair.

"Hey Addi." Alex offered a half wave in her direction before turning back into the song playing on the radio. Even if he did have something to say, Izzie would beat him to it anyway. It was best to just not talk at all.

"Hey Karev." Addi smiled as she made herself comfortable on the love seat that she'd long ago claimed as her own for movie night.

"I'll be back." Izzie beamed as she made her way though the swinging door into the kitchen.

"Rugrat asleep?" She asked, already knowing that Annie hadn't stayed up past eight in awhile.

"Yeah. She fought it hard for ya though." Alex laughed as he glanced down the hallway towards the nursery. "If she wakes up though, you can get her."

"How sweet of you." She glared at him, every time she'd ever tried to put Annie to sleep, she'd cried until either of her parents took her away.

"Couldn't resist."

"Who wants some popcorn?" Izzie's voice filled the room as the door swung open once again to reveal three bowls of popcorn, and three cokes to go with them.

"Like that's really a question." Addison laughed as she stood up to grab a bowl from the pile, and a coke.

"So what are you two going to torture me with tonight?"

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see." Izzie giggled as she handed him his share before leaning over him, brushing her lips on his before moving away.

"What kinda kiss was that?" Alex joked as she made her way to the other couch in the room.

"It wasn't for you, it was for me." She smiled, grabbing the remote and pressing play.

_The honest truth is it is me,  
Oh Sarah don't you know  
That there's something, there's something to being alone.  
And oh Sarah don't you go,  
Cause I'm nothing, I'm nothing on my own  
**Tyler Kyte, Sarah**_

He wasn't sure how long it took him to get from the diner to the jail, but he knew the air was chillier at the jail than it had been at the diner, which he was thankful for. Knocking once on the door, he placed his ear up to it for any signs of Mark, but heard none. In a huff, he stepped backwards, just enough to get off the welcome mat. He'd begged Derek at least twice to get another mat, he'd even offered to pay for it, but Derek had refused. Thinking momentarily of ridding the place of the mat for good and leaving no evidence, he found the key underneath it, and unlocked the door, replacing the key where he found it before entering the pitch black place.

Flicking on the light, he confirmed his original belief that he was alone for the night. Frowning, he locked the door behind him before making his way to the cell on the left, which had been left opened. Even in the guys absence, he didn't get to choose what bed he wanted. "Frank would like to choose sometime, ya know." He muttered as he turned on the bedside lamp before making his way back towards the door to shut off the main light.

Finally crawling into bed, his thoughts immediately drifted to Addison. She was the only one who seemed to understand that he wasn't just some drunk, he was lonely. She entertained him without a word spoken about it ever. He'd vaguely wondered, on one of his sober days, if she felt alone as well, but he'd dismissed it quickly. No one like her could ever feel lonely.

Just as he was about to dose off into a peaceful sleep, the door opened, revealing Derek in his flannel shirt that he always wore when he went fishing.

"Frank? You here?" Derek flipped on the main light as he gazed into the cell area.

"Frank is here, Sheriff." Frank mumbled, covering his eyes with the over sized pillow to block out the unwanted light.

"You're here early." Derek chuckled as he made his way to the cell.

"Frank wants to wake up for the service."

"Good for you, Frank." Derek smiled proudly at him before making his way to his desk for his wallet, the original reason for his presence. He was under no impression that he would see Frank the following morning, but it was nice that he was making an attempt.

"Hey Frankie." Tommy made his way through the cracked door, straight to the cell.

"Tommy boy! Hey!" Frank smiled as he sat up on the cot. "How goes it buddy?"

"I went fishing!" Tommy smiled proudly at the man.

"Oh yeah? Catch anything?"

"Yes! But dad says I can't take it out of the cooler untill we get home. He doesn't think the town will understand my excitement. But you would, wouldn't you Frankie?"

"Frank would.. And does understand the excitement. Last time Frank went fishing, Frank caught two big ol' fish, but Frank had to put them back."

"Why'd you have to put them back?"

"Frank forgot to bring a cooler. And they wouldn't stop moving when he laid them down, so he just put them back." Frank frowned as he recalled watching the two fish simply swim away with ease.

"I'm sorry, Frankie. I bet you'll remember that cooler next time, won't ya?"

"Frank has vowed never to fish again, because shortly after the fishes got away, he wanted them back, so he jumped in after them. Turns out Frank wasn't as fast of a swimmer as he thought he was.

"You tried to catch a fish with your hands?" Tommy tilted his head to the side, trying to figure out if he'd ever heard of someone trying to do that before- he was sure he hadn't.

"Not Frank's proudest moment."

"Time to go, Tommy. T is waiting for us." Derek grinned as he watched his son's reaction.

"But dadddd... Frankie was telling a story!"

"Frank will continue story another time."

"Fine." Tommy pouted as he stood up and walked out of the cell to the door.

"Lock up when you leave tomorrow. Kay Frank?"

"Sure thing Sheriff." Frank smiled as he laid back down in the cot, closing his eyes as darkness took over the room once again.

**Epennies for your thoughts? **


	15. Chapter 15

_(And today was a day just like any other)  
I'm on the verge, I'm on the verge  
Unraveling with every word  
With every word you say, make me believe  
That I won't feel your tires on the street  
As I'm finding the words... you're getting away  
**Jack's Mannequin, I'm Ready**_

It'd been hours since Mark had let Meredith get out of his car, and he still couldn't get the smile off his face. It was such a refreshing  
feeling. He'd been carrying around that anger for far too long, and from the sound of it, so had she, but that wasn't his battle. Derek made his choice, and it had nothing to do with him. At least he didn't think it did. It probably even had little to do with Cinny at the time. It had everything in the world to do with Tommy.

He'd been at the Shepherd's house for an hour, talking with Teresa. Some about Tommy, but mostly about Derek. It was obvious Derek was not grieving. It was like he was still expecting her to come home. They weren't doctors, but they knew that it wasn't healthy. The sooner he grieved, the better the life in the household would improve.

"I don't know what to do, Markie. He just lays in bed staring at his ceiling. When he does answer, it's just mumbled words. What should I do?" She sighed as she grabbed onto Mark's hands for support, he was the closest thing she ever got to a second child, and she loved him deeply as if he was hers.

"I think we just have to give him time, Ma." Mark frowned, not knowing what else to say to calm her fears. Sure Derek did his best to keep their banter going, but the laugh never made it to his eyes, making it close to miserable to even try.

"It's been a month. I'm not saying he should be out dating or anything, but he needs to be out!"

Before Mark could answer, Tommy came running through the front door with a fish in his hands, making Teresa squirm in discomfort. Why they had to bring those inside, she just didn't understand. "Look what I caught! Look what I caught." The young boy beamed as he practically shoved the fish in both of their faces in an attempt to show off his accomplishment.

"Wow buddy. He's a monster." Mark laughed as he grabbed a hold of the fish to get it away from Teresa. "Wonder how much it weighs."

"Dad said it was at least a seven pounder!" He nearly squealed. Derek walked in a moment later empty handed with the exception of the fishing poles, and the ice chest.

"No luck baby?" Teresa cooed at her son's saddened expression.

"Not today." He responded with the best smile he could muster. "Come on Tommy, we better go clean up for supper."

"Yes, and then we're going out." Mark decided, leaving no room for argument.

"Mark.. I really don't want to go out.." He was cut off by the raise of Mark's hand.

"We're going. Get ready." Mark declared.

Teresa stood up, walking over to her son to kiss his cheek. "You should go baby, it'll be good for you."

"Alright Ma." Derek smiled, kissing her cheek before walking past her, sending Mark a glare that could freeze boiling water.

Once he was out of the the room, Mark turned towards the woman, mouthing "thanks."

"What's wrong with daddy? Does he miss mommy?" Tommy frowned as he watched his dad's low hung head leaving the kitchen.

"Yeah buddy, I think he does." Mark frowned as he ruffled the kid's hair.

"Me too." He frowned as he sat down in an empty chair at the table.

"I know, kiddo." Mark offered a sad smile before continuing. "You should probably go clean up. Food is going to be ready soon."

"Alright Markie." Tommy smiled as he got up before rushing into another room.

"You're better with him than I ever expected." Teresa smiled as she walked back over to the oven to check the lasagna.

"Me too." Mark laughed.

_How strong do you think I am?  
How much can I take of this?  
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?  
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?_  
**Alexz Johnson**

The bar was smokier than she remembered from last time, and the neon green sign above the bartender's head that displayed his name just irritated her. Who couldn't remember the name Joe? If someone was that drunk, it was time to be cut off.

"Stop the whining, Meredith. If you weren't here you have been home watching some movie about an anorexic gymnast." Cristina hissed at her friend's lack of enthusiasm, glancing towards the door for Max's arrival, instead finding two people that she was sure Meredith would not want to see. Especially when she's drinking tequila. Damn it. "Maybe we should.. uh.. go, Mer." Cristina grabbed her friend's arm, yanking her off the stool.

"Wh- what?" Meredith was slung slightly landing right in the arms of a familiar man.

"Woah there buddy." The voice made her grimace, it hadn't even been twenty four hours, and she was already in his arms, albeit not on purpose.

"Mark. Hi. Sorry." Meredith gave her best smile until her eyes fell on Derek, quickly realizing Cristina's hurry . Did life really hate her that much? "Derek." She simply nodded before turning around, grabbing a hold of Cristina's arm tightly, heading for the door.

Just as Meredith was dragging Cristina out of the doorway, Max showed up. Great, Meredith thought. She really didn't see why Cristina liked the guy. Sure he was attractive, but there was something about him that gave her the willies. She'd long ago given up on telling Cristina though, so now she just dealt with him. If you asked her, if you ever WANTED your friend to tag a long with you on a date after you got engaged, something was wrong in the relationship. But that was just her opinion.

"We have to go." Meredith didn't even bother to stop for him as she continued to drag Cristina out, allowing him no other option but to follow.

"What? I just got here. What happened?" He spoke, clearly baffled by their premature departure.

"The sheriffs are in town." Cristina smirked once Meredith stopped at the car.

"And? It's not like your underage!" Max glanced suspiciously at Meredith for a moment before dismissing it, she definitely wasn't underage.

"No, she just almost tore apart their life long friendship with sex. That's all." Cristina laughed, a proud smile on her face as she nodded in confirmation.

"Oh, how I love small town drama. We're going back in." He laughed, making his way back to the bar with Cristina in hand.

"Why am I here!" Meredith muttered, following behind them like a puppy with it's tail laying still between it's legs. Life truly hated her.

**More Epennies anyone? **


	16. Chapter 16

_You're the one mistake I really didn't mind  
So beautiful, unmerciful  
It took me down  
Too little and too late  
**Ashley Parker Angel**_

Derek watched as her body was closed off by the swinging door before he turned his attention to Mark, wondering vaguely if he'd known she was going to be there, but it was pretty obvious by the look on his face that he hadn't planned to see her either.

"That wasn't weird at all." Derek mumbled as he took the nearest stool, and sat down, waving down the bartender.

"Sorry about that." Mark frowned, what were the chances that she'd be there. "I thanked her for you." He added, not wanting to lie about anything anymore.

"When?" Derek knew there was an air of defense in his voice, but he couldn't stop it. Not that he had any claim to her once so ever, but he didn't want her with Mark!

"This morning. I was checking on Mrs. Roberts, and she was jogging, so we talked." He nodded his head, not quite sure how to branch the subject. Meredith had always been an unbreachable subject between them. Too many memories for both of them, neither of them willing to share.

"Oh. Alright." Derek nodded sadly, he'd demolished, unknowingly, the one subject Derek had thought of to talk about with her. Sure he could pretend Mark hadn't told him, but forced conversation was hard enough without it being repetitive. "Thanks."

"Was that.. I mean.. I just thought... Did I do something wrong?" Mark asked, rubbing his hands slightly over the top of his head. He'd thought the last thing Derek would want to do was talk to her, but he was getting the feeling that he was wrong.

"No. I just hate that it's still so awkward." He sighed, the empty glass clinking down on the bar louder than he intended.

The bell above the door rang, causing Mark's eyes to travel to find that the trio that'd left so abruptly were now returning. "Well here's your chance to change that." Mark smiled slightly as he continued to watch them make their way to the bar. How convienant was it that the only three stools left were by them.

"Miss me already?" He grinned, only vaguely wondering if he'd already crossed the line of their newly renewed friendship.

"Something like that." Meredith offered a faint smile before taking the empty stool between Mark and Derek. Why was life so cruel to her?

Mark glanced back and forth on either side of him, Cristina on one side, and Meredith on the other, and smiled. He never let his eyes travel to the other companion, because quite frankly, he didn't look very necessary. Deciding to let Meredith and Derek talk, he turned towards Cristina.

"How's it goin, Mayor?" He gave her his best charming smile, once again completely ignoring Max.

Cristina smirked as she eyed Mark, the guy had nerves. "I'm engaged."

"I'm sorry." Mark grinned before taking another sip of his scotch. "I can help that."

_I think of you from time to time  
And in between  
**Rascal Flatts**_

Meredith could have sworn her breath was stolen from her as her leg brushed against his sliding onto the stool, nor could she could get it back when he didn't move away. After several moments of lack of oxygen, she moved hers. She didn't know if he didn't move his leg because he didn't care, or maybe, like her, he didn't want to lose the contact with her. She glanced at his facial expression, and found nothing to indicate he missed her touch. Sighing, she waved down Joe- again, to get a shot of tequila.

For the first time since she sat down, she could feel his eyes on her. "Tequila? That's new." He offered his best smile, which he realized, was the least he'd had to struggle with it in the last month.

She glanced at him before taking the shot, all but slamming down back on the counter, closing her eyes as the liquid made its way into her system. "A lot of things are new."

"I guess so." He nodded his head as he took another sip of his scotch.

Silence overtook them as the bar's customers came to the bar several times for more rounds of drinks. Three shots of tequila later, Meredith got the nerve to speak again. "Hey.."

"Yeah?" He looked at her hopefully, having a small glimpse of hope that she'd somehow help the overwhelming urge to cry right then.

"Just for tonight.. " She began, silently debating whether she wanted to say it as she bit on her lower lip, "Just for tonight.. how about I'm just a girl in a bar and you're just a guy. I'm not .. we're not.. us. Ok?"

A smile spread across his face as he nodded his head, extending his left hand towards her. "Derek Shepherd. Nice to meet you."

"Meredith Grey." She shook his hand happily, finally relaxing. "Pleasure is all mine."

The two fell into easy conversation, carefully, but easily, avoiding any conversation about either of their past's, or much of their present, and definitely nothing to do with Cinny.

**Yes. I'm shameless. E-pennies are awesome though! **


	17. Chapter 17

**So this is another chapter that doesn't have a song. My apology! Tomorrow is my birthday! So It'll probably be next week before I can get out the next update!**

_It was just past eleven when Derek heard the knock on the door, indicating that Cinny and Mark had finally dragged Meredith away from her textbook long enough to get her out of her house to come to his. "Coming!" He called out from the kitchen, throwing the hand towel on the counter. He was thankful that his mother was out of town for the weekend visiting relatives, leaving the house all to him. _

_"Hey guys." He smiled as he opened the door to two smiling faces, and one face.. less than enthused at best. _

_"I should be studying, Derek." Meredith glared at him in passing as she made her way into the kitchen._

_"It's a Friday night, Mer. You can study Sunday." Mark chimed in, repeating the same thing he'd been saying for the last twenty minutes._

_"I just want it to be known that I am giving up studying for THE hardest test of my high school years for you three."_

_"Thoroughly noted, Mer." Cinny laughed as she wrapped her arms around Derek's neck. "Hey babe." She smiled before pulling away and taking a seat next to Mer at the counter._

_"What are you making anyway?" Mark sniffed slightly for some hint but found none._

_"You don't get any." Meredith and Derek both stated quickly, sending each other an amused grin._

_"That's not very amusing, guys." Mark pouted as he folded his arms across his chest._

_"It's okay Mark, you can have mine. I'm not hungry anyway." Cinny smiled as she winked at Derek._

_"See! Cinny loves me!" Mark glared between Derek and Meredith for a moment before realizing that he had yet to figure out what he was making._

_"Someone has to." Derek laughed as he opened the door to the oven revealing a pan of cheese pizza._

_"MY FAVORITE!" Mark beamed as he leaned in, trying to calculate how much longer it had to cook._

_"Everything is your favorite." Meredith giggled as she watched his face light up in excitement._

_"Not my fault you're a picky eater." Mark mumbled as Derek closed the door, hiding Mark's view. _

_"Who wants a drink?" Derek chuckled as he walked over to the cabinet in the far left corner, pulling out a bottle of Scotch and Tequila._

_"So you've finally learned my weakness for Jose, huh?" Cinny grinned as she reached out and grabbed the bottle from him before turning to Meredith. "You gonna join the fun tonight?" _

_"Uh. No. I'm good. Thanks." Meredith stumbled slightly on her words before glancing between Mark and Cinny. "I should probably go anyway."_

_"Mer.." Mark began but was quickly cut off by her hand._

_"No. It's okay. You guys have fun. I'll see you tomorrow." She quickly walked over to Mark for a goodbye kiss before rushing out the door._

_"What was that about?" Mark wondered out loud before taking the fist sip of many from the bottle of scotch._

_I don't change my mind for anybody  
I won't waste my time on just anybody  
I won't share my life  
With anyone but you_  
**Alexz Johnson **

After spending an hour and a half in his father's room getting him to take his medicines and go to sleep, George finally made his way into his own room, immediately turning on his laptop before changing into his pajamas. By the time he was back from the bathroom, the computer had completely booted up, and signed onto AIM for him. As he gently sat down on the bed, positioning the computer so that it was perfectly square with him, his eyes scanned the rather small buddy list until they found her name. Debating whether or not he should wait a minute, he gave up the battle and clicked on her name. A box immediately popped onto the screen, and it wasn't until then that he realized how much he'd missed her. He hadn't been on all day because of his father, and as crazy as it sounded, the day truly felt incomplete without her.

Before he could bring himself to type anything, an alerting sound filtered the air, informing him she'd beaten him to the punch.

**CTBug33: ** _Hey! I've been waiting for you. :) _

A blush crept onto his cheeks as he repeated the words over and over to himself. He couldn't believe that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way about him as he did for her.

**ILoveMeGold: **_Sorry. It was a.. family day of sorts. _

He couldn't help but to laugh at how pleasant the phrase sounded, the day had been anything but pleasant. He was more than willing to deal with the bad days though, because he knew his fathers days were running low. He held his breath as his mind continued to wonder, realizing that it probably even sounded like he had a wife and kids. She didn't know. After watching her erase her typing several times, he almost lost hope, until finally she responded.

**CTBug33: **_Aw. Tell me about them. _

**ILoveMeGold: **_After you tell me about you._ :D

**CTBug33: **_Easy. I live alone. :D_

**ILoveMeGold: **_That's not fair! _

_**CTBug33: **__Still have to answer._

_**ILoveMeGold: **__ I moved back in with my parents two years ago when my dad got sick. _

_**CTBug33: **__Oh. I'm so sorry.._

**ILoveMeGold:**_George. My name is George._

An overwhelming sense of relief washed over him as soon as he hit enter. He finally had an opportunity to tell her at least one thing he'd been holding in for longer than he cared to remember.

**CTBUG33:** _George. I like it._

A smile spread across his face instantly as his door opened up, revealing his mother. "Georgie, don't forget we have church in the morning. Okay?"

"Okay Mom." George smiled at her, trying to hide his annoyance that he still was reminded of church at his age. He'd never forgotten in his life.

**ILoveMeGold: **Thanks :D _Gotta go. Goodnight. _

**ILoveMeGold has signed off.**

**_Just so happens, Reviews are AMAZING birthday gifts:)_  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Once again, saying thanks:) This chapter doesn't have a song to go with it, mostly because I couldn't find one that I really liked to go with it. So, I thought better without than the wrong one. Apologies if it bugs anyone! Thanks for all the birthday wishes! Made me smile:) It was great!**

**Anyways, enough about me! This is a relatively short chapter.. but I like it!  
**

"You do realize I can hear you, right?" Max growled two hours later as Mark continued to flirt with Cristina. It was completely generic flirting, and even though it was obvious the night was going nowhere, she seemed to be encouraging him! She was HIS fiance! He'd been putting up with her defenses for two years, and this guy was just being... disgustingly charming. She GIGGLED! What the hell was going on!

"Oh. I'm sorry. I keep forgetting about you." Mark grinned sheepishly as he glanced at Cristina for her reaction. She seemed to be slightly surprised by his question as well, a small hint of rose gracing her cheeks in the most flattering of ways.

"I bet." Max rolled his eyes as he possessively wrapped his arm around Cristina's waist. "You ready to go babe?"

Cristina glanced at Mark apologetically before nodding her head. After all, he was her fiance. "See ya around deputy." Cristina grinned as she looked past him at the other two who seemed completely lost in their own world. As much as she would hate to ever admit it, she didn't want to be the one to break it.

"I'll make sure she gets out of here safely." Mark grinned as he realized the worried expression on her face all too well. He'd had that look countless times.

"Tell her to call me tomorrow, alright?" She asked, nibbling on her lower lip, still unsure if she was making the right choice.

"Ring the mayor. Got it." Mark chuckled, nodding his head, refusing to look at the other two.

"He said he's got her, Cristina. Let's go!" finally he pulled her by the hand out of the bar, leaving her no choice to turn her head back one last time to see her person with the two guys she hadn't faced in years. Stupid guys and their stupid inferiority complex.

"She's my person!" she pulled her hand away from him as soon as the warm night air hit their faces. "And I do not appreciate being dragged out like a shamed puppy!"

"Yeah Cris, you were real concerned about Meredith in there!" He rolled his eyes, jumping into the driver seat. "Are you coming or what?"

Cristina stood in place in front of his car, her hands crossed firmly against her chest. "No."

"I'm tired, Cristina. Just get in the car."

"See you next week." She said through gritted teeth.

"Are you kidding me? What are you going to do? Go back in there and flirt with that deputy? He doesn't even carry a gun!"

"Because he'd kill guys like you if he had one." She rolled her eyes and turned back towards the bar. He didn't live in their town, he didn't understand there wasn't really a need for a gun. Derek rarely carried his.

"Baby..." Max finally calmed down once she was almost to the door. "Please come with me. I've missed you."

Despite her best efforts, a small smile crossed her features. Discarding it as she turned around, she met his gaze for him to continue.

"I'm sorry. But he was.. He was openly hitting on you.. And you just let him!" he gave his best pout until he saw her defenses start to fall.

"He's Mark! Everyone flirts with Mark! He's.. Quite frankly he's man candy." Cristina laughed, not even caring what he thought about her comment.

"He wasn't like that with Meredith." He stepped out of his car, making his way to her.

"They have a history." Cristina rolled her eyes, swearing they'd been over this before.

"So you two don't have a history?" He grabbed onto her hands softly as a laugh escaped her lips.

"Definitely not." She shook her head as her eyes stayed glued to their intertwined hands.

"Come home with me, please." His voice was reduced to husky whisper as he lowered his lips onto hers, his hands instantly dropping her hands to grasp onto her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Alright." She responded with a small smirk as she broke the kiss and made her way to the passenger door. Waiting impatiently for him to open it for her. If he was going to be a jackass, he was going to pay for it. He smiled as he made his way over there once again, this time going straight for the door. "You are so not getting laid tonight." She mused as she climbed into the car, not even bothering to look at his jaw dropped expression. He was just too easy.

**Guess:D **


	19. Chapter 19

_I left home today feeling alright, I never knew  
I left home today feeling okay, I never knew  
Like beauty in the dust, my position  
Like youthfulness intense, burnt down to rust  
If we've come to a conclusion  
We've got a long, long way to go  
What would you do in my position?  
Girl, I'd really like to know_  
**Evermore **

Derek had long ago stopped drinking anything but water, and was still completely amazed that she was taking in so much. He really didn't know her at all- a thought he wouldn't let himself dwell on longer than absolutely necessary. "I still can't believe you drink tequila now."

Meredith stared at her empty shot glass for a moment before turning her head towards him. "Yeah. Well. You're still the Sheriff."

"You still smell like lavender." He, once again, allowed himself, to breathe in her scent.

"You smell like .. my pillow." Her eyes bulged slightly as the words left her mouth. When he didn't immediately respond, she took the opportunity to change the subject, thankful that he didn't seem to hear her. "I'm thinking about switching it to French Vanilla. You know, stir it up a little."

"Lavender not working it's charm?" He shook his head, ridding it of the thoughts that were filling his head. Surely she didn't say what he thought she said. She was just a girl in a bar. That was it.

"Obviously not." She laughed as she downed yet another shot.

"You know there's a point in which alcohol CAN kill you, right?"

"I'm not there yet." She grinned as she glanced at him, the daze in her eyes making it more than obvious that she was more than a wee bit wasted.

"You should eat something." The father in him coming out more than he'd care to admit. Was he ever thankful that Tommy was too young to drink. At least he hoped. He was holding out hope that he still had a few more years before he had to worry about that.

"I don't trust bar peanuts." She shook her head defensively, there were just some things that were completely off limits. Eating bar peanuts? Completely off limits. At all times.

"Would you trust bar pretzels?" He smiled, making a play off her words just to watch her get worked up.

"No." She glared at him, knowing what he was doing, and completely annoyed that it was working.

"Then why would you say that you just discriminate bar peanuts, if in fact your against bar food in general."

"I'm not! I'm just against the free food that everyone sticks their hands in. Kids are messy. I have to clean up their mess. I don't want to be messy. Or sick. Bar food can definitely make you sick."

"You're drunk." He stated matter of factly, only slightly afraid that she would call off their deal or being strangers and start yelling at him for everything he'd put her through.

"You're short." She bit back, not being able to think of anything else to say that would even slightly insult him. He wasn't even that short- it wasn't fair. The man had no faults. Well except for the fact that he completely shattered her heart. But that would completely be against their arrangement- so it was off limits.

"Is that suppose to be an insult?" He huffed as he took another sip of his water. He didn't think he was THAT short. He was taller than her. That's all that mattered- at least in this argument.

"You don't come here often, do you?" She mused as she realized his attire. Not that he didn't look nice, he was just dressed entirely too dressy for the bar they were in. His silk shirt was probably the only shirt that had ever- or would ever- be in it, and his shoes- well, she wouldn't get into that.

"You caught me. I'm a newbie. What gave it away?"He chuckled as she nodded in pride that she was right.

"We won't answer that." She laughed, almost completely forgetting how awkward the situation should have been.

"How considerate of you. What about you? You come here often?" He truly tried his hardest to hide any signs of jealousy that were creeping into his voice by wrapping his foot around his barstool tightly.

"I get dragged here about once a month when my.. when Cristina gets bored with her life." She mused, not quite sure if that was something she was suppose to say out loud or not, but she wasn't coherent enough to think of an answer.

"Sounds exciting." He joked at her lack of enthusiasm. It was rather obvious that she had a high tolerance of alcohol, and he vaguely wondered just how much she'd really drank.

"I love Joe." She smiled as she watched the man walk across them in a hurry to grab a couple of beers for another couple.

"Joe?" he raised an eyebrow, completely lost at who she was talking about. Was she meeting someone? Surely not.

Meredith shook her head for a moment, before pointing to the sign directly in front of them. She was more drunk than he was. "Joe. As in the bartender of Joe's."

"Right." He blushed as he focused his attention on the sign for the first time. How he'd overlooked it before, he wasn't sure, but he was certain he'd never forget again. Glancing at the man, who he assumed was Joe, he debated whether or not he should further inquire into the subject, but decided against it.

"And to think you're a sheriff." She shook her head playfully, obviously mocking his detective skills.

"You're a teacher." He bit back, only just a little insulted at the comment.

"I'm a good teacher!" She responded almost immediately. Her classes was what kept her around, without them she'd be lost.

"I'm a good sheriff." He defended himself, he'd been criticized on a lot of things in his life, but he'd never been criticized about his job.

"You're the only sheriff." She giggled, the fact that she was the only fourth grade teacher not completely lost on her.

"And?"

"I.. I don't know exactly. But I'm sure I had a point." She shrugged her shoulders, not caring to continue the conversation.

"Of course you did." He grinned, letting it go as well.

"Jerk." She muttered, her eyes on the empty shot glass, debating whether she should really take another one or not.

"I agreed." He gasped at her comment with a smirk on his face. If not for their agreement, he would definitely admit that he'd missed her, but unfortunately, he couldn't do that.

"Only in that 'whatever' kind of way. Not in the truly agreeing kind of way." She explained quickly, not even bothering to look at him.

"I see some things haven't changed." He grinned, not being able to keep the comment to himself.

"Some things aren't suppose to change." She bit back, not completely sure what the statement meant, but she was sure it was crossing the line of their agreement.

"But they do most of the time anyway." He frowned, only vaguely remembering the hundreds of times the four of them promised they'd be friends forever. Forever ended completely too soon.

"I'm not a fan of growing up." She frowned, hating that they were both breaking the agreement, and neither were doing anything about it.

"I'm not a fan of bars." He quickly changed the subject, not willing to let their easiness evaporate into uncomfortable silence- again.

"It's a shame really. Bars are so fun." She giggled, looking past him to the bar that was not nearly as crowded as she remembered it being when she got there.

"Why?"

"Why what?" She asked, slightly confused.

"Why are bars so fun?"

The answer that immediately popped into her mind was definitely not something she was willing to say to him, so instead she kept her mouth shut until she thought of another answer. "Did I mention I love Joe?"

"You might have mentioned that. And I'm sure with the mass amounts of alcohol you consume, he loves you too."

"Hey. Me and Joe are friends. We.. He gets me. I bitch. He pours. It's a healthy relationship."

"Sounds a bit abusive if you ask me." He grinned.

"Bite me."

"You'll bite back." He pouted, refusing to let himself linger in the thoughts of the taste of her skin - something he was quickly realizing- he hadn't tasted in a very long time,

"Probably." She offered a devilish grin as she took his glass of water and took a sip. If he could stop drinking- so could she. Well, she could try.

"No thanks then."

"Wuss."

"Is that a challenge?" He gasped, a smile inevitably taking over his face as his eyes landed on the peanuts.

"Maybe." She mused back playfully.

"You're on Missy!"

"What's the game?"

"It definitely involves those peanuts in front of you." He grinned as he watched her face fall.

"NO!"

"Chicken."

"I am not eating those peanuts!"

"Who said anything about eating them?"

Quirking an eyebrow at him suspiciously, she racked her brain for other uses, but couldn't come up with any.

"Football, silly." Finally glancing past Meredith to Mark, he realized for the first time that Cristina was no longer there. "Uh oh. Might have to get a rain check." He barely whispered before Meredith quickly bolted her head in the same direction.

"Crap." She muttered once she, too, realized that her person was, in fact, gone.


	20. Chapter 20

**I haven't done this in this story yet.. but the entire song fit so perfectly. so yeah. the song is Let Me Go by Three Doors Down. I'm a little surprised with the lack of reviews last chapter, I kinda figured it would give ya'll some hope. Maybe not. Either way, here's the next chapter.  
**

_One more kiss could be the best thing  
And one more lie could be the worst  
And all these thoughts are never resting  
And you're not something I deserve_

Between the alcohol, the smoke, and the smell of Derek's cologne, it was no surprise that Meredith hadn't notice that Cristina left until she turned around to find that Mark was talking to a woman she didn't recognize. Ignoring the tiny glimpse of jealousy that rose in her throat, she tapped his shoulder until he turned around to face her.

"Finally remember I exist?" He asked, and not even he could decide if it was a joke or not, so he was thankful that she ignored it.

"Where's Cristina?" She glanced past him once again on the last whim of hope that the blonde straight hair would magically turn black and curly. When that idea failed, she pouted slightly looking back at Mark. If she wasn't getting laid, neither was he.

"She left with the idiot. I'm your designated driver." He offered the last bit with a smile on his face as he took a sip of water.

_In my head there's only you now  
This world falls on me  
In this world there's real and make-believe  
This seems real to me_

"She left me with you?" Meredith's eyes bulged as she realized the massive amount of tequila she'd consumed.

"Don't forget about me." Derek grinned.

"Crap." Meredith looked back and forth between them before placing her forehead on the counter. How did she get herself into this.

Before either of them could respond, Derek's cellphone started ringing, just loud enough for the three of them to hear. Expecting it to be Frank, Derek didn't even bother checking the ID of the call before answering.

"Sheriff Shepherd." He grinned proudly at Meredith at the proclamation of his power.

His smile fell as the little boy's sniffles filtered into his ears, causing him to all but jump up and run out of the bar to hear better.

_You love me, but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
You love me, but you don't know who I am  
So let me go Just let me go_

He wasn't two steps past the doorway when the first sob escaped the boys lips. "Hey buddy. Hey. What's wrong?"

"It's late, daddy. I was worried." Derek glanced down at his watch, and cursed silently under his breath. He hadn't realized it'd been so long.

"Oh Tommy. I'm sorry. I lost track of time. I'll be heading home soon. Go lay down, okay?" The guilt that he'd been avoiding all night washed over him as the boy's sniffles turned into even, but heavy, breaths.

"Love you, daddy." The boy cooed before hanging up the phone, leaving the saddened realization that Derek truly was no longer just some guy in the bar. He was a widower, and he had a son, not to mention that she was his son's teacher.

Taking a deep breath to gain some composure before heading back in, he nearly ran straight into her. "Me.. Meredith. Hey." Derek frowned, knowing that she knew the night was over as well.

_I dream we head to what I hope for  
And I turn my back on loving you  
How can this love be a good thing?  
When I know what I'm going through_

"Tommy okay?" She asked softly, keeping her distance from him. The alcohol had long ago taken it's toll on her mind, and Derek wasn't someone she could afford to get lost in.

"Yeah. It's late." Meredith nodded in agreement as she glanced past her into the bar.

"Thanks for tonight, Mer." Derek gave her a smile that border lined adoration making her feel very uneasy.

"No problem." She smiled nervously, secretly wishing she had someone at home waiting on her. Silence enveloped them until Mark made his way out the door.

_And no matter how hard I try  
I can't escape these things inside  
I know, I know  
But all the pieces fall apart  
You will be the only one who knows_

_Who knows  
You love me, but you don't...  
You love me, but you don't...  
You love me, but you don't know me_

"Ready to go, Mer?" He asked, choosing to ignore the tension between the two.

"Yeah. Thanks." She offered a faint smile as she handed him the keys to her car.

Mark glanced at Derek for a moment before speaking. "You going to be able to drive, buddy?"

Derek quickly nodded as he took the keys out of his pockets. "I'll be fine. I'll go slow."

"Alright. See you tomorrow then." Mark smiled faintly as he placed his hand on the small of Meredith's back to lead her to the car, not quite trusting her to make it on her own.

"Bright and early." Derek gave his best smile before turning away from them and heading for the car.


	21. Chapter 21

_Not everything is supposed to come true  
Some words are best unsaid  
Some love is not really love at all  
I'll keep everything I shared with you  
and that's enough, there's us  
**Alexz Johnson**_

The car had made a complete stop before either of them spoke, yet neither made a move to open a door. It wasn't lost on him that the last time he'd dropped her off was the last time he saw her before she left, but that wasn't something he wanted to think about. This was their new beginning as something completely different. They were going to just be friends, he was determined. You can only travel the same dead end road so many times before you realize there's no right turn. Once was enough for him. One was enough for her to make it perfectly clear that she'd been with the wrong guy all along- with the wrong friend.

"Two times in one day, Mer. You must have REALLY missed me over the years." He grinned as he received a soft giggle and a slap on his arm.

"Someone's conceited."

"I just call them like I see them."

"Yet, you offered the ride both times."

"I'm caring like that."

"You're right, though. I did miss you." She smiled, keeping her hands in her lap. The problem with being drunk had always been she couldn't keep her hands to herself. But she knew enough to know that she could NOT sleep with Mark again. Not without losing him all over again. She didn't know why this truce had been called, but she wasn't willing to let it die after less than one day. There was still a chance to salvage her friendship with Mark. It was small, but it was there, at least she thought it was.

"It's my smile. Girls can't resist me." He grinned as he watched her carefully to read her mood. She wasn't as easy to read as she had been, but it was pretty easy to see that something was heavy on her mind.

"Is it really possible?" she asked, ignoring his last statement completely.

"Is what possible?" In his mind, there were a lot of different questions that she could be asking, and he wasn't quite sure he had - or wanted- the answer.

" This. Us. After everything, is it possible for us to be friends?" His heart broke as she glanced up at him, tears welling in her eyes. Against his better judgment, he pulled her into a hug. It wasn't exactly an intimate hug, and he made sure to keep his hands in an appropriate spot, but there was definitely something familiar, comfortable even, about her being in his arms.

"I hope so, Mer." He whispered as he ran his hands over her hair until her breathing returned to normal.

"You have to know that I didn't mean to hurt you, right? I mean I.. You were always my best friend."

The words stung him more than he thought they would. He'd accepted long ago that she didn't love him the way he'd loved her, but it still didn't feel good to hear her call him her best friend. She'd been his everything. "I know." He sighed, pulling away after placing a quick kiss on her forehead. "We don't have to talk about tonight, right? I mean about the Derek portion. I.. I.. I can't have that conversation." He frowned, hoping she'd understand.

"There's nothing to talk about. I was just a girl in a bar." She sighed, knowing that he probably believed that more than she did. "It's been years. Years, Mark. And all in one day it's like.. I feel like.. I'm a horrible person all over again. His wife died.. It took his wife dying for him to even look at me- much less talk to me. He hurt ME!" Her tears spilled over her eyes once again as the memories she'd buried came flooding back. They weren't supposed to.

"Why'd you leave?" Mark had always wanted to know. He knew that it probably had something to do with him and Derek, but now he wanted to know why- exactly. Now he cared.

"I gotta go." She quickly opened the door and jumped out of the car. Leaving him alone to clear his mind of her once again. What she did best.


	22. Chapter 22

_Is love really the tragedy the way you might describe  
or would a thousand lovers still leave you cold inside?  
Make you cry...these tears of pearls  
**Savage Garden**_

Meredith had slammed the door behind her and locked it before she slowly slid down it, breaking out into sobs. She wasn't sure if it was being in Mark's embrace again or the tequila that'd made her so emotional, but she was willing to bet each had a share. She had to get out of there. She couldn't tell him the truth. She didn't know how much Derek had shared over the years about their.. relationship. Hell, she didn't even know what he'd told Cinny. She only knew what she told Cinny. It was a conversation she didn't think she'd ever be able to forget. The look on Cinny's face was reason enough to never return to Braxton. She often wondered why she'd returned at all, even if she technically knew the reason. It was better to look on from a distance than to not look at all. At least she thought that in the beginning.

_Cinny had been at her apartment for three days before she brought up the fact that Meredith always found a way out of seeing the guys. She'd even gone as far as claim she was meeting her mother for lunch. A lunch that never was planned, or even left for._

_"What's going on Mer? You've been cooped up in this apartment like a caveman. Chicken wings and all. You don't even have your tv on." Cinny pouted as she collapsed onto the love sofa next to her best friend with her two pickles and a jar of unopened peanut butter in hand._

_After taking a moment to rid the sickening feeling in her stomach from her friend's new craving, Meredith leaned forward to grab the remote off the glass coffee table. Quickly and effortlessly flipping through the channels until she found one of the many soap operas that she knew would distract the girls attention- at least until the next commercial. "Watch the man candy, Cinny."_

_Only pouting for a moment, Cinny gave in and tuned in her attention to the soap. It wasn't like Meredith could hide from her. She had to answer her eventually. She was pregnant. Pregnant women always get what they want. Always. She smiled proudly to herself as she dug the pickle into the jar, making sure to surround the pickle with as much peanut butter as she could so that she could still bite it._

_"That's seriously gross. Cinny." Meredith rubbed her stomach in a smoothing manner as she received a death glare from her. "Just saying!" She smiled as she raised her hands in surrender. If she'd learned anything from the endless movies she'd watched it was NOT to mess with hormonal pregnant women. Especially ones that will ultimately want to kill you once you answer her questions. The questions she'd promised not only Cinny she'd answer, but Derek as well. And after Cinny. She had to face Mark, who was probably getting the news from Derek now. They'd agreed to be honest and see where it left them. It was over either way._

_"Jealous." Cinny grinned as she took a big bite of the pickle, letting her eyes concentrate on the shirtless guy on tv. Why was it that the guys were always shirtless and wet on these shows? And WHY was she just now noticing it now that she'd sworn off sex for a good.. Well, she didn't know how long, but it was definitely going to be after she lost the 60 pounds she was inevitably going to gain in the next ninish months. Hopefully less- in both aspects. Either way- the male penis- not that she knew of any other kind- had officially became her worst enemy. Especially Derek's. Damn super sperm._

_By the time the show was off, Meredith had worked herself into a big ball of nerves. Surely the last time she ever talked to her best friend, it couldn't be about gross cravings and soap operas, could it? As she glanced sideways, coming to the sad realization that it was more than likely. It was almost inevitable. Cinny didn't trust many people, and she definitely wasn't big on second chances._

_"You know I love ya, right Cinny?" Meredith spoke, barely above a whisper as she grabbed on to her best friend's hand tightly, leaving little to no room for resistance as she fought the tears already welling in her eyes. It was only a matter of time before they stopped taking her unanswered phone calls as a sign to stay away and came over. If they were together, it could be disastrous. For everyone._

_"Hey now. I'm the hormonal one. You don't get to be hormonal too. One of us has to be sane to survive." Cinny laughed as her eyes fell on their grasped hands before meeting Meredith's gaze. Lowering her voice to a more sincere level, she nodded her head. "Of course I know that, Mer. You're my best friend." She smiled, giving her friend's hand a slight squeeze._

_"We need to talk." She sighed, finally letting the tears fall onto her cheeks. Just as she opened her mouth to continue, her phone started ringing again._

_Cinny released her hand with a sad smile on her face as she began to stand up to go get the phone. "The real world is calling Mer. Time to answer it."_

_"Please don't." Meredith sobbed, causing Cinny to turn back around, practically making a dash of the short distance between them to be at her friends side. "Hey hey. It can't be that bad, babe. Talk to me. My ears are always here to listen. Always." She winked as she placed one hand protectively across her stomach. She knew that the baby had barely gotten bigger than a finger, but she still felt the need to protect it from harm- of any kind._

_"I.. I don't even where to begin. It started with just an innocent drunken kiss. And we said it was never going to happen again. And then I stopped drinking so that it wouldn't happen again. But then.. Oh god, Cinny. You have to believe that I never wanted to hurt anyone. Definitely not you."_

_The confession came out so fast that Cinny had to steady herself on the couch. The quick rambling was the equivalent of the room spinning. Taking a moment to process what she said, she turned back to Meredith hoping that she had the patience for Meredith to explain._

_"Kiss? You cheated-cheating on Mark? Why would that hurt me, Mer. I mean yes, I love Mark, but I don't know if I'm the person you should be apologizing to babe. You two will get through this. You're Mer and Mark. You can get through anything. And drinking? You stopped drinking.. In high school."_

_Meredith's heart sank into her stomach at her friend's optimism, and her stomach knotted at the last sentence. Somehoe she didn't her and Mark getting through this. She didn't want to. Not really. She did hope he'd forgive her though. She needed him around. "No. I need to apologize to you, Cinny." She cried as she lifted one knee to the couch._

_"Why me? It's not like you kissed Derek silly." The room quickly went silent, with the exception of the television that was now beginning a new show that Meredith wished more than anything they could watch together before she finished the conversation. Inwardly wincing, Meredith didn't see the look of recognition that crossed her friend's face. "Derek. The guy you.. You.. Oh my god." Cinny quickly pulled her hand away from Meredith's as she made quick work to get off the couch- away from Meredith._

_"Cinny. It.. It was just a big mistake. It's over. You have to believe me. Derek loves you." Meredith cried. She didn't know if she could ever forgive herself if Derek lost the chance of being a dad for her. She couldn't take that away from him- she wouldn't._

_"So what is this? Some guilt confession?" Cinny all but yelled as she threw her hands up to the side._

_"I.. I thought you deserved the real reason.." Meredith started before swallowing the rather large lump in her throat as her now free hand began twisting the promise ring Mark had given her round and round on her finger._

_"Real reason for what? For hating the one person I thought I could always count on? Damn it, Meredith "_

_"Real reason that I'm leaving town." Meredith stated before her cries turned into heaving sobs._

_Before Cinny could respond there was a knock on the door. "For both of your sakes, you better hope to some higher power that Derek is NOT standing on that other side." Cinny glared before walking out of the room._

_Meredith sat in her spot on the couch doing exactly as she was told, praying that it wasn't Derek. It wasn't until she heard three set of footsteps coming towards her that she truly cringed. Not only was it Derek, but Mark as well._

_"Guess the party is all here." Cinny glared as she stood on the other side of the room from either Meredith or Derek._

_"What's the matter babe?" Derek tilted his head to the side as he noted her tense stance before he saw Meredith silently crying on the couch. "Oh Cinny.." He began, quickly making his way towards her until she put up her arm to stop him._

_"Don't you dare touch me."_

_"Uh. What's going on guys?" Mark looked around the room completely confused, causing Meredith to glare at Derek as well._

_"SERIOUSLY!" She practically yelled before softening her voice as she turned to Mark. "We need to talk."_

_"Meredith. I'm sorry." Derek lowered his head to the ground as she grabbed onto Mark's hand, pulling him towards the door._

Meredith slowly lifted herself off the floor and trudged into her room. Not sure if the friends thing was such a good a good idea after all. As she made her way into her closet for pjs, she couldn't help but wonder what exactly she'd gotten herself into - again.


	23. Chapter 23

_Because ive figured out you don't care  
i tried so hard in the past  
to make it last for us  
you never gave it a chance  
i wanted to but you looked the other way  
now what do you have to say  
ive heard enough from you  
you want the best of both  
cant have it any other way  
i never know what to believe  
dont make me out to be the enemy  
like you've always done before  
**Third Approach**_

The morning sun came too soon for some residents of the town, but that didn't stop any of them from crawling out of bed, showering, and dragging themselves to the Sunday service. Meredith was the last one to arrive before they shut the doors to avoid any disruptions . The pastor had a habit of restarting his sermon if he was interrupted because he felt that everyone should get the whole experience. Apparently he didn't realize that everyone in the town knew every sermon by heart, down to what hymn was going to be sung during Congregational visiting. He'd stopped writing new sermons years ago, now he just recycled old ones.

The church was completely full except for the last row, and she definitely didn't want to sit there, but as the pastor eyed her warily,

she swallowed her pride and sat next to the woman she hadn't spoken to in years.

"Hi Teresa." She gave her best smile before turning her attention to the pastor. Maybe this was going to be a short one, as doubtful as it was.

"Miss Meri!" Tommy beamed happily in a loud whisper that caught Derek's attention, who'd been facing the other way receiving yet another condolence about his loss.

"Hey Tommy." She whispered back, gesturing a small wave in his direction before her eyes traveled past him to his father.

His eyes met hers, and a small smile crept onto his face. Mouthing 'hi' to her, he turned his attention to the pastor. If she could sit through it, so could he. Well, he could try.

She wasn't sure if it was actually the sermon, or the fact that his eyes on her the whole time that made it incredibly hard to breathe, but she'd never been so thankful as she was when the doors were opened, allowing her fresh air, and most of all, distance. Even if it was short lived.

She hadn't quite made it to her car yet when she heard his voice. It shouldn't have sounded so familiar considering the years it'd been since he uttered her name before the past week, but it did, and it made her want to run all that much faster. Derek wasn't suppose to be familiar. He was suppose to be a long lost memory, and it seemed cruel for him to do this to her.

"Meredith! Wait!" He finally caught up to her just in time to close the door without her getting in it.

"What?!" She hissed, refusing to raise her voice on church ground.

"You forgot your purse." He smiled at her as he extended his hand that was grasping onto the small bag.

"Oh. Thanks." She blushed as she took the bag from his hold.

"And I wanted to make sure you were okay." He titled his head slightly to the left as he gazed into her eyes, but stepped back as anger crept onto her cheeks.

"You do not get to ask me that. You don't get to pretend you care about me. You don't get to say last night meant anything. Last night was exactly what I said it was. We were two people in a bar. I was JUST a girl in a bar. Goodbye Derek." She glared at him one last time before opening her door, and quickly getting in. Wasting no time before cranking up the car, and leaving the lot.

"See you later." He frowned as his eyes left the trail of dirt her car left and back to the church where Teresa was watching. Crap.

Frank was still asleep when he heard the door creak open. Usually, he would assume that it was Derek, and go back to sleep but the smell that filtered into the air definitely was not Derek's, neither was the clinking of the heels. Slowly removing the blanket from his view, he finally saw the woman - who looked eerily familiar standing in the center of the room.

"Hello?" Her high pitched northern accent rang through his ears, causing him to nearly jump up from excitement. Sitting upright slowly so that he wouldn't startle her, he ran his hands through his hair, hoping to have some control over it.

"Hi." He blushed slightly as he walked out of the jail cell, thankful that he'd fallen asleep in the night before's attire.

"Are you.. Are you the sheriff?" The girl tried to bite back her laugh as she recognized him from the night before at the bar.

"Huh? Oh no. Shepherd is at church." He guessed, not sure what time it was, but assuming if he wasn't there yet, he would be soon.

"So you're a ... wandering .. jail mate?" She grinned, taking a small step towards the man, trying to convince herself that he was completely harmless- even if he was sleeping in a jail cell.

"Oh. Ha. Well, it's a weird arrangement. Fra..I crash here most weekends so.." He trailed off forcing himself to sound non-freakish. "I don't have to drive home.. and some week days." He blushed, feeling a compulsion to tell her way more than she probably cared to know.

"And they just.. let you?" She couldn't believe the town she'd found herself in. Practically every citizen was at the church, no businesses were open, and there was someone sleeping in a jail cell - of his own free will. A man she could of sworn was relatively normal, except with the obsession with what she assumed was his name. "You look familiar."

"Oh. I'm Samantha. I think we met at the bar last night." She blushed, at least thankful that she looked familiar to him. "You can call me Samii, though."

"RIGHT! Frank remembers!" The words slipped out before he could even censor it, and his cheeks immediately blushed. Seeing as how she didn't seem surprised, he had the feeling that he'd let it slip more than a few times the night before.

"You are Frank, right?" She glanced nervously around her, still not sure what to make of the town exactly.

"Right." He smiled as best he could as he jabbed in hands in his pockets. "Is there something you need with the Sheriff?"

"Oh. Well, my car broke down a little ways down the highway, and I was hoping I could get it towed. But the car shop seems to be closed." She frowned as she remembered cursing several obscenities as she walked on the side of the deserted road in heels that were not made for walking at all.

"Oh Jake? Jake doesn't work on the weekends. His kid lives in the town over and he stays out there until Monday mornings." He wasn't trying to seem rude, but he couldn't just believe his luck. She'd be there at least another day. Longer if he had a say. It wasn't completely lost on him how crazy he sounded, but that wasn't a new feeling for him. He was captivated by new women in town. He hadn't met one like her since Addison though. Unfortunately, the damn sheriff seemed to be winning that battle. If anyone was.

"Seriously?" She tried her best to withhold the growl forming in her throat. What kind of place had she landed in? Her cell phone didn't even get service here. Her cell phone got service EVERYWHERE. She was so suing for false advertisement when she got back home to Boston.

"You're welcome to stay at my place if you'd like. Or well, I guess you could crash here." He scratched his head, realizing how odd it seemed- even to him. Braxton didn't have a hotel though, and she didn't exactly look like the kind of girl that would be comfortable sleeping in a jail cell. Not that he knew any of those either. In fact, he didn't know any other guys that did either.

"You don't happen to live on some haunted house on a hill or anything, right?" She bit her lower lip, not really seeing another option. Besides, if it was a small town, surely a lot of people would see her right? They'd recognize her if she went missing. She didn't actually believe he was crazy, but she'd decided long ago that you never could really tell.

"Haunted? No. On a hill. Yes." He grinned as he pulled his hands out of his pockets and began twiddling his thumbs.

"How long exactly until church is out? I'm kind of starved." She frowned, covering her stomach with both of her hands. Suddenly not being able to remember the last time she'd eaten.

Just as he was about to ask the time, the door opened revealing an obviously disheartened Derek. "Hey Fra-" Derek was cut off as he noticed the the long legs to the other person in the room standing in between him and Frank.

"Hey Shepherd." Frank smiled uncomfortably as he tried to think of a way to explain without actually having to explain that he'd just invited a complete stranger to stay in his house. He hadn't invited hardly anyone to his house. Even for dinner. It was just odd. But as small and welcoming as the town was, he knew that it could be completely overwhelming, especially for someone who didn't even mean to stop here.

"Who's your friend, Frank?" Derek walked further into the room to extend his hand to the girl. "Hi. I'm Derek- the Sheriff. I don't believe we've met."

"Samantha." She shook his hand with a smile before taking a step back. Was he seriously suggesting that he knew EVERY single person that lived in his town? That was wicked weird.

"Are you.. visiting relatives?"

"Huh? Oh. No. My car broke down.." She repeated the same story she'd told moments earlier, doubting that he'd have a better solution for her, but still making sure to throw in how hungry she was.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you about your car, miss, but Addi's dinner isn't far. It should be open pretty soon."

Frank's eyes lit up at the mention of Addi, and quickly sprung into action.

"I can walk you there." Derek glanced warily at Frank. He'd said I! He didn't even know I was in Frank's vocabulary. Shaking it off, Derek let out a soft chuckle.

"Alright. I was going to see if you wanted to have lunch with us, Frank. T forced me to come over and ask." He gently rubbed the back of his head where she'd popped him- numerous times in a short period of time.

"Maybe next time. Tell Ms. T that Frank was flattered though." He grinned before grabbing the rest of his stuff. "Ready to go?" He opted out his arm for her to take.

"Samii accepts." She laughed at herself as she took his arm. She didn't know what she'd gotten herself into, but for some reason, she trusted them.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey everyone. So this story has kind of taken on a life of its own, which makes updating regularly slightly harder. But it's still coming. The next few chapters are going to reveal a LOT. Probably not this one, but after this. So, Enjoy!  
**

_I don't know where to begin  
I don't know how to get out there to see you  
I don't know where to dig in.  
I don't know how to get in there…to feel you_  
**Five For Fighting**

As the remainder of the congregation filed out in a single line, each person taking a moment to shake hands with the pastor, Mark made his way back from his place in line to Addison's with little to no difficulties.

"Hey there." He grinned as his eyes took in her appearance. She'd conformed well to the normal attire of the church since she first

arrived, yet he couldn't bring himself to be happy about that fact. Her clothing now was much more conservative, and boring.

"Hey deputy." She smiled as she accepted his arm to link hers as they continued the small walk to the exit. It'd become somewhat of a tradition, and she couldn't help but wonder what it'd be like if she ever gave him a real chance. She wasn't so sure he would still be so interested. That wasn't a risk she was willing to take yet.

"How was your weekend?" He asked, already trying to figure out how he wanted to respond. It'd been one of the strangest weekends he'd had in a long time. He'd flirted with the mayor!

"It was good. Same as always." She shrugged her shoulders. Sure she had a good time with Izzie and Alex, but it wasn't exactly something to go on and on about. It was simple. Simple was heavenly in her book. "How was yours?"

By the time the question escaped her lips, they'd reached the pastor, giving him a few more moments to try to word his thoughts. As soon as they were outside, he saw Meredith's car rushing away, leaving Derek in the dust. Letting out a sigh, he turned towards Addi. "I'll get back to ya."

"That bad, huh?" She frowned, wondering what caused his unusual behavior.

"Only time will tell." He glanced back to Derek before giving his full attention to Addison. "So, how would you like a personal escort to your diner this sunny afternoon?"

"I would love it, kind sir." She giggled as she tightened her grasp on his arm as they left the designated sidewalk to walk the three blocks to her diner.

"I love this town." She grinned as an elderly couple, the Johnson's, passed them, just barely, in their car.

"More than New York?" He asked, hoping that for once she'd actually talk about why she left one of the most popular cities in the US.

"Tenfold." She nodded simply, not willing to go any further than she had to.

"Isn't it suppose to be like amazing or something?" Mark never really saw the charm in small towns. He'd stayed simply for Derek. He was the closest thing Mark ever had to a brother, and come hell or high water, he was going to be there when he needed him. Everytime he'd ever even considered leaving the place, something happened, needing his attention. He was finally loosing hope on ever leaving. It wasn't just Derek now, there was Tommy too.

"The city is amazing. I just.. I wasn't happy with my life, I guess." She shrugged her shoulders, making it very obvious that she didn't feel comfortable discussing it any more.

"I was just too charming to leave behind, huh?" Mark grinned, hoping it would make her feel comfortable again, and just like that, the subject was forgotten.

"Exactly."

The remainder of the walk was filled with mindless chatter that would immediately be forgotten, but neither could ignore the comfort that it brought. They were at the door of the diner by the time Addison found the courage to breach the subject again.

"Listen Mark, I don't know what happened this weekend, but I'm sure.. I'm sure whatever happened will work out. It'll be okay." With a brush of her hand along his upper arm,she gave her best reassuring smile she could, considering she knew no details.

"Thanks Addi. I'll see ya tomorrow." He nodded his head before slowly backing away.

"See ya." She smiled before finally unlocking the door, knowing she only had half an hour before the usual crowd came in.

_They say behind every man is a good woman  
But I think that's a lie  
'Cause when it comes to you I'd rather have you by my side  
You don't know how much I count you to help me  
When I've given everything I got and I just feel like giving in  
And you look at me  
And give me that come-here-baby smile  
It's all gonna be alright  
You take my hand  
Yeah you pull me close and you me tight_  
**Keith Urban**

The Karevs were the last family out of the church. It'd become a tradition of sorts for them for everyone, more than they would like really, stopped them to ask questions about Annie, recieving the same answers. They knew that if they put her in the nursery with the rest of the babies, not that there were that many which is why Annie got most of the attention, they would get out much faster. But Izzie insisted that the town was practically extended family, and they should be able to see her. Alex had pointed out that their family didn't even them that much, but Izzie would hear none of it. So finally, after almost an hour of making small talk with the town, they made their way to the car.

"Do you think he'll ever write another sermon? I don't see why we still come." Alex mumbled the same complaint he made every week. He wasn't really the "religious" type like Izzie, who was overly loyal. He pretty much went for her. Sure he believed in God, and he prayed, but usually only when he had something to pray about.

"Oh hush, Alex. It was a nice sermon. I enjoyed. it." Izzie rolled her eyes playfully at him as she got the baby settled into the car seat.

"Come on Iz, you were practically mouthing the words yourself!" He reasoned, already knowing that he wasn't going to get anywhere. He just had to try. If Sundays were really a day of rest, he wanted to know why he was still getting up at the break of dawn. Didn't seem like resting to him.

"You're impossible."

"You love me." He grins, waiting until he heard the click of his seatbelt before cranking up the car. A habit he picked up when he was little because her mother would never crank up the car until she heard two snaps. One for herself and one for him- way before it was a law.

"You keep telling yourself that, babe." She giggled as she intertwined their hands, watching as he brought it to his lips.

"Thanks Iz, I'm sure I won't have any trouble sleeping tonight or anything." He shook his head before finally putting the car in reverse, and leaving the nearly deserted parking lot.

"I'm sure you'll be okay." She smiled softly as she placed her elbow on the window seal, using her free hand to twirl her bangs untill they wouldn't twirl anymore before releasing it and starting over.

"As long as you're there with me." She couldn't quite fight the smile that crossed her features. He was so incredibly cheesy sometimes, yet she completely loved it. Probably because she knew that he actually meant it. Unlike the cheesy lines he'd said when they first started dating- way before he settled down. Then again, they were eighteen. She didn't expect any more from him. Now, she wouldn't expect anything less.

"I love you." She smiled happily at him as silence began to take over the car, with the exception of Annie quietly sucking on her passifire.

"You too, babe." He grinned, sending her a wink before returning his attention back to the road. "So is the old crew coming over tomorrow night?" Alex asked, realizing that he hadn't talked to any of them at church that morning.

"I think so. I'll call them later though." Izzie shrugged her shoulders, resting her head back against the seat.

"Alright." Alex smiled, releasing her hand just long enough to turn on the radio to drown out his thoughts. Something was off in the town, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what it was.

_are you ready for the ride of your life  
your dreams arive on the wind  
just reach out and pull them in  
get ready for the ride of your life_

**Oliver James**_  
_

No one else had arrived by the time Frank opened the door to the diner. He immediately spotted Addi behind the counter and plastered a smile on his face. Not that he wasn't already smiling, but a little extra never hurt anyone. "Hey Addi." He grinned as he guided Samantha to the counter.

"Frank! Hey! You're up early!" Addi smiled, only fighting to hide the laugh back a little that he was bringing someone with him. She felt strangely like a mom meeting the girl that was taking her baby away, but she knew that was redicilous, so she ignored it.

"Yeah." Frank blushed slightly as he glanced to find Samii, as he'd decided to call her, not laughing. Then again, he had been asleep when she found him, so he guessed it wasn't that surprising.

"Who's your... friend?" Addison asked, trying to figure out how he met someone after he left, much less a stranger- in Braxton! The girl reminded her to herself. Especially the heels. Her heels clanked down on her floors much like her own did when she first looked at it for a job.

"I'm Samantha." The stranger smiled proudly as she extended her hand, but quickly dropped it once she realized that it wasn't going to be returned.

"Are you new in town?" Addison asked, feeling slightly guilty for not shaking her hand, but she'd been too wrapped up in her own thoughts.

"Just passing through, actually. My car broke down." She frowned, wondering how many people exactly was she going to have to answer that question for.

"Oh okay." Addison smiled faintly, slightly glad that she could swallow the urge to offer the girl a job. What got to her more than anything was the accent. The lack of the use of "r" was surprisingly refreshing. "Well what can I get for ya?"

Glancing around to find no menus, Sam frowned, not knowing what to get. "Um." She bit her lower lip as she glanced at Frank who had a knowing smile on his face.

"You like turkey?" He asked, and quickly received a nod.

"2 turkeys, Addi." He smiled as he led her to a booth in the corner.

"Oh. Um. Do you have avocados?" She asked hesitantly. A turkey sandwich just was not the same without them.

"Yep!" Addison smiled, thankful that she wasn't the ONLY person who liked it. Glancing over at Frank who was wincing, Addison let out a small laugh before she turned around to get an avocado from the back.

"Avocado? Really?" Frank glanced hopefully at her that she was just kidding, and somehow just knew how badly it grossed him out.

"Shush! It's amazing!" She grinned as she slid into one of the bar stools.

"Frank does not approve." He shook his head as he watched Addison walk back in with it in hand.

"Well Frank is missing out."

"Frank will live. Somehow."

Addison listened to the banter with her back turned towards them to hide the smile on her face. She had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, this one might be staying longer than she'd bargained for.

_**Please review!! **_


	25. Chapter 25

**A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same **

The drive to the cemetery was long overdue for him, he realized as he came to a halt in the parking area that was completely deserted, and probably had been for days, if not weeks. He hated that he hadn't been here since the funeral, but he hadn't been able to face it- to face her. Well, her grave. But today he needed to talk to her, even if it was just a stone. He needed her to know that he hadn't forgotten about her. That he hadn't forgotten them, their life together. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but had no idea how. Or if it would even help. He'd prayed that it would.

**All the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind **

After a few moments of procrastinating by listening to the entire song on the radio, even though it was a song he didn't particularly care for, he made his way out of the car and down the long dirt path that led to her grave. After glancing around to find that he was in deed alone in the small burial ground, he knelt down onto his knees, setting the flowers he'd brought down in the center. "Hey Bon Bon.." He began, trying and utterly failing to keep his tears from falling onto his cheeks. "I know that you can't possibly be too happy with me right now.." He roughly wiped the tears off his cheeks as his finger began tracing the engraved letters of her name, and continuing onto her epitaph. " I can't say that I blame you." He lowered his eyes to the flowers, taking a moment to gain what little composure he had left.

**I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight, there's only you and me.**

"I brought you some flowers though. You know, it always worked a little before." He tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a choked out sob. "Oh Bon Bon.. I just.. I wish that you were here to yell at me. I want.. I need you to yell at me." His voice had started strong, relatively, but by the time he'd said the last word, it'd been broken into nothing more than hoarse whisper. It was even harder than he realized it would be. The conversation with Tommy filtered through his mind about how she was always watching, and he suddenly felt even more ashamed of his actions. It'd only been a month. How could he... his thoughts trailed off as he fell back off his knees, landing on the ground with a slight thud.

**The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go. **

"You know.. Tommy hasn't been doing so good. But he's a fighter. Like you." Derek grinned as his fingers began fumbling with themselves, trying to rid himself of the nervousness that just wouldn't go away. "I don't know how to help him. Ma is good with him though. He just.. He looks so much like you. It makes it so hard to face him. And the questions, I.. I want to tell him that I believe there's a reason that this happened, but I can't because I don't understand!" Anger was boiling up inside of him, and he wasn't sure who he was even angry at. It'd been a freak incident. It was no one's fault. But that fact made it all the more impossible to accept, made it impossible not blame God.

**I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time **

He took several deep breaths before continuing, even with the anger, he still felt wrong yelling there. In a place that was eternally quiet. "I'm guessing you already know that Meredith is his teacher. He raves about her constantly and it's only been a couple of days!" Derek smiled sadly as his eyes once again found the roses. "And last night.. We tried to be friends again. Well, I don't know if friends is the word. More like baggage less strangers." A soft laugh escaped his lips as he tried to find the right words. "I don't know how well it went considering every thought went right back to you.." There was a slight breeze in the air that brushed against Derek's cheek, and he couldn't help but smile. He wasn't sure what he believed when it came to those sort of coincidences, but at that moment, he wanted to believe that she trying to comfort him. "I think she missed you almost, if not just as much as I do, if that's possible."

The breeze picked up a little more, causing his eyes to squint just slightly to keep a clear view of her grave. "Everything would be so much easier if you just came back to us Bon Bon..." More tears escaped his tear ducts as he picked up a piece of grass and began tearing it into tiny pieces. " I need you to come back. I just can't.. I can't do this without you."

**Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me**

**Three Doors Down **

It wasn't until that moment that he let his mind travel back to the day he heard the news. He'd forced the police man to tell him what happened so many times that he almost felt like he was there. He could almost see her, he could almost even hear her scream. Almost because it's not possible, and because as much as he'd obsessed over the facts, he couldn't believe it's a true story, and he couldn't believe Cinny was really dead. It had to have been some sort of mistake. She was too good to have something like that to happen to her. She had too much faith. She had too much to live for. Most of all, she was the strongest person he knew, and if she couldn't make it, how in the hell was he going to? For the millionth time, his carefully laid out picture of the accident played out in his head, haunting him to figure out something he'd missed. Something to tell him she was still alive, despite all evidence to the contrary. Even though there was no way to know that his portrayal was accurate, for some reason or another he'd convinced himself it was all real. Mostly because Cinny was a woman of habit. Especially on road trips. He needed to know what happened, he needed to understand.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys! The 1st song in this update was suggested by my friend, and I can't for the life of me remember who it was by. But either way- I don't own it. If you know, please tell me, I'll be more than happy to give them credit. Thanks! Second song is Somewhere In Between by Lifehouse.**

**Oh. Other topic. About the Cinny thing. I know a lot of you are starting to doubt the merder of this story, and truly it wasn't my intention. I just wanted to show that Derek wasn't living a miserable life without Meredith. Yes, he stayed with Cinny because she was pregnant, but they were together 10 years. He did love her. But they have baggage, and baggage takes time to overcome. Don't give up on them, though. Really.**_  
_

_Please save me, this time I cannot run  
And I'll see, you when this is done  
And now I, I've come to realize  
That you are, the one who's left behind  
I see, the light it feels good  
And I'll come, back soon just like you would  
It's useless, my name has made the list  
And I wish, I gave you one last kiss_

_It'd been approximately 350 miles since she'd made her last car stop when she pulled into the slightly run down gas station. She only had about an hour left till she got home, but better safe than sorry considering the remaining stretch of road was nothing but wooded hills and long stretches of uncivilized surroundings.. Pulling up to the gas pump, the only one there, Cinny reached for her cellphone in her purse. She'd forgotten to call Derek that morning to tell him she was leaving. He probably wasn't home yet, but at least he wouldn't worry when he got home. The weekend had been nice with her mother, as nice as she'd expected, but she missed her boys so much. She missed her home. Hell, she probably even missed Mark. Maybe. She let out a small laugh as she finally grabbed the phone that had been buried in the bottom of her purse with only half battery left. No missed calls. Hmph. She smiled as she figured they were probably still fishing. Turning around towards the pump, she realized that they'd changed it since last time she'd stopped. It was now pay at the pump only. Frowning slightly at how impersonal even a small place like Anderson was becoming, she continued to rummage through her purse for her credit card. It was only for emergencies. But she didn't have much of a choice she reasoned. She refused to carry a debit card when she could just carry cash. Most places in Braxton didn't accept debit cards anyway._

_Finally finding her wallet, that was mostly just consumed with various snapshots of Tommy, she pulled out the one of two pieces of plastic in it, the other being her license. Refocusing her attention on the phone in her other hand, she pressed 2 and hit send, huffing when there didn't seem to be any signal. This place really seemed to hate her today. Deciding to wait a moment before trying again, she stuck the credit card into the designated slot and waited for the machine to process it. It would be so much faster, she swears, if she could just go in and hand the guy a twenty dollar bill. But no. She has to stand there and wait for the damn thing to be authorized. She glanced towards the store angrily to find that the owner was walking out._

_"Cynthia! Hi! How are you, dear?" The old man offered a friendly smile, and she quickly swallowed her anger. The old man was probably pushing 90. She returned the smile and waved in his direction. "Hey Sampson." _

_"How's your mother?" He always asked the same question. She swore one day that she was going to tell him that she didn't visit her mother. He probably wouldn't believe her though, so she decided to just answer the question._

_"She's great. Thanks." She nodded convincingly as she returned her attention back to the bump. STILL waiting for authorization. What was going on._

_"Sorry about the pump, dear. It's been acting up all week. Ronnie is suppose to come look at it. But you know Ronnie, always the procrastinator." Although Cinny could not remember who Ronnie was for the life of her, she offered an appropriate chuckle. It was better than him having to try to explain it to her anyway._

_  
"It's alright." She smiled, glancing down at her phone that still had no service. Grr. _

_"Well have a good day, dear." He smiled before walking back into the store, probably to return watching some soap, she guessed. _

_"Bye.." She mumbled as the machine finally accepted her card, and returned it to her. "About time." She grumbled as she selected the cheapest gas, and lifted the handle from the pump._

_Realizing that she hadn't opened the tank of her car yet, she cursed under her breath, setting the phone on top of the car to twist off the nozzle. Pressing it so that it clicked and would pump without her support. Once she was satisfied that she'd succeeded she grabbed the phone and smiled when she realized that she finally had signal. Hitting two once again, she sighed when she heard the ringing. "Pick up babyyy.." She whined as the third ring approached. It was times like these that she hated that their setting for the voice mail to come on was after 6 rings._

_xx _

**I can't meet  
Losing sleep over this  
No I can't  
And now I cannot stop pacing  
Give me a few hours  
I'll have this all sorted out  
If my mind would just stop racing  
Cause I cannot stand still  
I can be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening**

_Derek had been pacing in the jail house all morning. Cinny was supposed to be home the day before. It was now after lunch time, and he still hadn't heard from her. It wasn't like her. She kept her cell phone on her at all times, and she usually called regularly. He'd called her mother, but was told that she'd left Sunday morning. All sorts of scenarios filtered through his mind, each one worse than the last, but as he picked up the phone halfway through the first ring, something is his stomach told him that nothing he'd thought of would compare to what he was about to hear._

_The conversation was a complete blurr to him. The only parts he remembered of the first conversation, of many, were the bare basics. Explosion. Cell phone. No body found. License plate recovered. No chance of survival._

_No chance of survival. As a sheriff, he knew that that meant she'd basically been cremated from the explosion. As a husband, it wasn't logical. If there was no body, she could still be out there. Lost. Alone. The thought was almost as unbearable as the original._

_After several reassurances that it was no mistake, Derek hung up the phone. Only looking up from it once he heard Mark return from getting lunch, he'd refused to leave the phone. Even though he had a cell phone, something told him it would do him no good. Something bad had to of happened. He'd just been hoping it wasn't this bad._

_"You okay, buddy? You look kind of pale." Mark remarked, only vaguely worried that he'd missed something huge. But Derek wasn't crying, so therefore, no matter what it was, it couldn't be that bad. Could it?_

**This is over my head  
But underneath my feet  
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat  
And everything will be back to the way that it was  
I wish that it was just that easy  
Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Been waiting for tomoroow  
I'm somewhere in between  
What is real  
Just a dream  
What is real  
Just a dream  
What is real  
Just a dream**

**Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in  
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again  
I don't want to run away from this  
I know that I just don't need this**

_"Sheriff over in Anderson called.." Derek began not sure how to even process what he'd been told, much less say it out loud. But he knew that Mark wasn't one to wait for answers. If he didn't talk soon, Mark would be on the phone for as long as it took, not listening to a word he'd say._

_It would have been easy for Mark to play dumb, and pretend not to know that Anderson was in the direct path of Cinny's drive home. But he had a feeling that Derek wouldn't appreciate it, so he merely swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down in once of the two chairs in front of Derek's desk. "How bad is it?" He asked, crossing his ankles, not quite \being able to be so juvenile as to believe something so small as crossing fingers would somehow alter history._

_"She.. She was getting gas.." Derek barely got out before he had to cover his eyes. Already trying to discard the horrible images that were flashing through his mind, only to find that closing his eyes made it that much more vivid. He could almost feel the heat burning his skin, and it made him queasy. "I think I'm going to be sick." He quickly grabbed the trashcan that was on the side of his desk before ridding the contents of his stomach. Not that there were much considered he hadn't been able to eat from worrying. Only resulting in brutal dry heaves._

_Only milliseconds passed before he felt Mark's hand on his back running quick lines in between his shoulders. The movements were entirely too fast to be comforting, but he ignored it because he knew that Mark was doing the only thing he knew how to do, besides make a joke. He was just thankful that he hadn't done that yet. He couldn't manage a laugh if he was paid to._

_"It's going to be okay, Shep." Mark whispered as he finally slowed down his hand's pace once he felt the muscles in Derek's back relax, his head finally making its way back up, allowing Mark to free his hand._

_"She's dead, Mark." Derek whispered, not even sure if Mark had been able to hear him. It wasn't really for Mark. It was mostly for him. He had to admit it to himself before he admitted it to anyone else, even if it was just Mark._

**Cause I cannot stand still  
I can be this unsturdy  
This cannot be happening  
Cause I'm waiting for tonight  
Been waiting for tomorrow  
And I'm somewhere in between  
What is real  
Just a dream  
What is real  
Just a dream  
What is real  
Just a dream  
What is real just a dream**

_The silence that consumed the room proved that he'd in fact heard him anyway. The next thing he heard was a rather loud crash like sound. Derek didn't have to look over to know that Mark had sat, possibly collapsed, into his very old leather chair._

_"It has to be a mistake." Mark finally declared as he pleaded helplessly with his eyes for Derek to tell him that it was all a big joke. A joke that he was surely not getting a laugh out of._

_"The gas pump blew up." Derek scoffed at the idea. It was practically an urban myth. Those things didn't really happen! No one was going to believe him. He was better off lying. Except for the fact that it'd be all over the news._

_"Oh my god." Mark placed his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with the news. He couldn't even fathom it._

_"Cinny... Bon Bon died." Derek spoke a little louder as his eyes widened in horror. How was he going to tell their son that his mother wasn't coming home? How was he going to tell the town? Most importantly, what was he going to do._

_"I.. I.. I think I need some air." Mark muttered, quickly raising from his seat and making a dash for the door._

_Derek watched in complete envy at his ability to move, an ability he didn't possess. He couldn't even manage to twitch his feet, much less walk on them. So instead, he leaned over his desk, burying his head into the pillow his arms had created, and sat perfectly still. The world would have to wait._


	27. Chapter 27

_Maybe in another life  
I could find you there  
Pulled away before your time  
I can't deal it's so unfair  
And it feels  
And it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it feels  
Yeah it feels like  
The world has grown cold  
Now that you've gone away_

Derek finally pulled himself out of his thoughts to find that nearly every piece of grass within his reach was picked and shredded by his fumbling and shaking hands. Raising his head towards the sky, he watched silently as the clouds seemed to disperse themselves into the clear sky, allowing the sun to shine directly on him. Sunshine. He hadn't noticed it in so long. Not really. He'd missed the way it warmed his skin, or _her_ skin, or how it lit up her eyes in a way that a candle could NEVER do. He vaguely wondered if it would ever light up his again. Simultaneously deciding that he didn't really want to know the answer.

"This wasn't suppose to happen, you know. We were going to grow old together, and make completely inappropriate comments at Tommy's wedding in front of all the guests. And kiss in the rain during every thunderstorm, even if we had to use canes to get there. We were going to have a second wedding. A real honeymoon. Bon Bon.. there were just so many things I wanted to do, and I wanted to do them all with you." His eyes teared up once again as his hand methodically started tracing the letters of her name. "Cynthia Ann Shepherd."

Just as quickly as the clouds had dispersed, they reappeared, making the sun a distant memory. Not that he needed it. He knew every curve of the engravement by heart already, and he knew that he could never forget it because besides his memories, it was all he had left of her. It was real, he could **feel** it.

_Leaving flowers on your grave  
Show that I still care  
But black roses and hail mary's  
Can't bring back what's taken from me_

He didn't know how much time passed before he heard rocks being shuffled on the other side of the path he'd walked to reach his destination. He didn't bother to look to see who the not-so-much intruder was, hoping that they would just let him be. Anger consumed him as the steps became louder, identifying the shoes as heels, because no other shoes really ever made **that** sound. He was silently berating the person as the steps came to a halt behind him until he turned around. His breath hitched in his throat as his eyes scanned her entire figure. She was the last person he expected to see there on that day.

"I.. I didn't know you would be here. I.. I'm sorry. I should go." She lowered her eyes to the ground before turning around, quickly making a distance between him and herself.

"Wait!" He finally called out, his hand finally falling from the gravestone, his feet moving on their own accord away from the grave and after the retreating woman. "Wait." He repeated softer as he caught up with her easily considering her shoes. Without much thought, he grabbed onto her wrist with just enough force to make her meet his gaze. "Please just.. wait a second." He muttered, his eyes darting to his hand and then down to the ground. "You stay. I'll go."

"Derek. No. I. I shouldn't have come. I just.." She fumbled nervously with her words, the feel of his grasp making it harder for her to speak around him than even normal.

"I should get home anyway. Mark and Tommy aren't really allowed to be alone for longer than an hour or two." He grinned, hoping to receive a laugh. Still thankful though when she offered a faint smile.

"I would say that's probably for the best." She nodded, refusing to frown as he released his grasp, cutting off any contact between herself and his warm hands.

"Do you.. I mean... I didn't see you.. I .. How often do you come here?" He asked, wondering if guilt had brought her here like it had him.

"Every Sunday." Meredith answered softly, directing her gaze to the dirt beneath her feet, completely terrified of his reaction. Afraid he'd verbalize what she'd been pointing out to herself every time. That she had **no right **to be there.

"Wow." Derek lowered his head, more ashamed than ever that this was his first time, and _embarrassed _beyond belief that he actually thought he was the reason she was there. "Well, I should.. go. Yeah." He darted his eyes anywhere other than hers before jamming his hands into his pockets.

"You sure?" She bit her lower lip softly, for the first time trying to get him to meet her gaze since she'd arrived. He'd been the last person she wanted to run into, yet she didn't exactly want him to leave. Something she found odd considering how fast she'd made an escape that morning. She was strong then though. Now she'd shrunk into a little girl walking past a private property sign.

"Yeah." He sighed as he glanced down at his watch to realize that he'd already been gone entirely too long. "Ma will have supper ready soon." He gave a weak smile in her direction before turning around and walking towards his car. Another goodbye was not something he could handle.

"Bye." She whispered once she was sure he was out of earshot. Once the feeling of being on forbidden ground passed, Meredith slowly made her way to the grave that she'd found him at. Her original destination.

_I reach to the sky  
And call out your name  
And if I could trade  
I would_

Meredith carefully knelt down on her knees, not even thinking twice about the ramifications of sitting in that spot, with the torn grass surrounding her in a dry puddle. "Hey Cinny.." She took a deep breath as she glanced over the stone. It looked different than last week. She guessed the small amount of rain they'd received did a number on it. It looked **aged **somehow. A thought she didn't like. Time was passing without her here, and it wasn't fair. The stone looked so out of place while looking the exact same as the others. It shouldn't exist at all. She had so much to live for, so much to look forward to. Very much unlike herself. Cinny had always lived for the future, while Meredith had stuck with the day she was on, having no expectations for the day after. If her parents had taught her anything it was that you were never promised another sunrise.

"I know I sat every time that it's the last time I'm going to come harass you. Yet, here I am. Again. Harassing you." She sighed, refusing to let herself cry. Tears would do her no good, nor bring her no pity. She should have done the harassing a long time ago, she knew that. She never could stomach the site of the two of them together though. She had tried on numerous occasions to pull into their driveway, but she'd always see them through the window before she ever even got to the point of needing her blinker. They always looked so **happy. ** After awhile, she'd decided they were better off without her. Even if she wasn't better off without them. She'd been selfless and selfish all at the same time, and now she had no idea if she'd made the right choice or not. Now that she was gone, now that she had no chance of redemption in Cinny's eyes, she needed it so badly. Which is what had dragged here on a weekly basis.

"You know, I don't understand those that think is silence is better than yelling, because it's **not. **I would give anything for you to just yell at me. Tell me how big of an idiot I am, and how much you hated me for how much I messed up. But after all the yelling, and I know there would be a lot, I just know that you would hug me and forgive me, because you are Cinny. And you have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met." Despite her best convictions not, tears slowly rolled down Meredith's pale white cheeks. There was no warmth in the air, causing a slight shiver to run down Meredith's back.

"You know all of last year, I was SO excited that I was going to have Tommy in my class this year, because that meant I couldn't chicken out on talking to you. I'd be forced to face you, and the mistakes I made. But you, you well, I'm still facing the things I've done, maybe even more so, but it's not the same without you."

_And it feels  
And it feels like  
Heaven's so far away  
And it stings  
Yeah it stings now  
The world is so cold  
Now that you've gone away_

_Offspring _

Silence overtook the burial ground as Meredith closed her eyes. It wasn't until a heavy jacket was placed on her shoulders that she realized it'd started raining. She wasn't sure how long it had been, but by the heavy droplets that were falling out of his unruly hair, she realized he'd obviously been standing there much longer than she'd realized. "I thought you left." She finally whispered as he extended his hand to her to help her stand up.

"I did, but then I saw the rain clouds. I .. I had a feeling it wouldn't make you leave, so I turned around." He replied softly, his heart nearly breaking as her eyes finally met his, the rain drops meshing in with her stained tears all the way down her cheeks and onto her chin.

She reluctantly accepted his hand as she lifted herself up off the ground, already certain that she wouldn't be able to move any other way. "I hadn't realized it started raining." She cast her eyes down to the ground that was quickly forming puddles that she would inevitably step in. Not that it would matter. She was already soaked.

"I noticed." He grinned for a moment, already moving to guide her towards her car, placing his hand cautiously on her back, not being able to pretend that he didn't feel her flinch at his touch.

"I miss her, you know?" She spoke a little louder so that he could hear her over the now pouring rain. She couldn't remember the last time it'd rained so hard in Braxton, but she knew that every every drop that pounded her skin, she deserved. She wanted to believe that it was Cinny yelling. Eventually the rain would clear, and the rainbow. The rainbow would be her forgiveness. At least that's what she wanted to believe.

"Me too." He looked down as they finally reached her car, allowing his hand to fall from it's position on her back to his side, instantly loosing any bit of warmth he'd felt in the bone chilling rain.

"You should go home, Derek." Meredith finally spoke what she knew had been plaguing his mind since he'd turned around the car.

"Yeah. I should." He nodded slowly, not making any other movements that would indicate he agreed with her at all.

"I'm okay." She smiled the best she could, refusing to wipe the rain drops off of her heavy eye lids, before opening the car door,a and sliding in, but he stepped in the way before she could close it behind her.

"Not having any car problems, huh?" He frowned, not completely certain that she wouldn't get back out of her car as soon as he walked away.

"Not today." She laughed lightly, thankful when he finally stepped out of the way, allowing her to shut the door. Instantly cranking up the car and turning on the wipers, she turned back towards him, offering a small wave before pulling out of the parking space. Refusing to look back at him as she drove away, there were only so many memories she could handle in one day. Those memories would not make the list, not today.


	28. Chapter 28

_Sometimes I know I become  
All that's weak in a man, and weak in a boy.  
But I keep trying and I won't quit,  
And that must be worth something more  
Than a strong man who believes  
That there's nothing left to try for.  
Josh Pyke_

Derek left shortly after lunch was finished, followed quickly by Ms. T. Although neither of them told Mark where they were going, it'd been implied that he was expected to be responsible and act his age while they were gone. A loud huff escaped his lips as he crashed down onto the couch, easily reaching for the remote to turn on the TV. Like that wasn't a given! He ALWAYS acted his age! They didn't act THEIR age! Derek had a kid that kept him acting like he was 10, and she ran around town like a .. well, NOT a grandmother!

Getting engrossed in the sports channel, Mark was slightly surprised when he heard the soft knock on the door. "TOMMY!" He called out, not wanting to miss the scores he'd been waiting to see for at least ten minutes.

"Yeah, Markie?" Tommy's swift footsteps were heard coming down the hallway before his shadow was in Mark's view.

"Answer the door, kiddo." Mark grinned as he heard Tommy groan before trudging to the doorway, letting it squeak open as loudly and slowly as possible.

"HEY!" Tommy grinned as he saw his best friend on the other side of the doorway.

"Who is it?" Mark yelled over his shoulder, still refusing to look over his shoulder.

"Miss. Addi." Tommy grinned as he lifted his hand to quiet Braiden from laughing.

"WHAT!" Mark jumped up quickly to turn around only to find that it was just Bailey's kid. "Not funny, Tommy." Mark muttered before sitting back down on the couch, only to realize that he'd missed the score he'd been waiting on!

"You fall for it every time, Markie." Tommy grinned, finally shutting the door after Braiden stepped further inside.

"Does your dad know he's here?" Mark asked, knowing that the two liked to leave some things unsaid when it came to permission and visitations.

"I uno." Tommy shrugged, glancing over to Mark, indicating that Derek did not, in fact, know anything about it.

"You at least told your parents, right B?" Mark groaned, wondering how he always found himself in these situations with these two.

"Yep. No worries Markie. Mommy says that it's alright as long as I'm home before supper. Luckily, we eat supper late because she tries to cook before we order take out." Braiden grinned at his admission that Mark was sure Miranda would NEVER want anyone to know about.

"Well, alright. But you two are staying in here today. No more outings like last time!" He pointed to the other sofa, indicating that it would be in their best interest if they took a seat.

"But Markieee..." Tommy whined, only casually glancing over at the clock on the wall to find that it was only three, nervously bitting on his lower lip.

"Nope. Not going to work today kiddo." Mark laughed, playfully covering his ears to block out the two kids whines.

"But it's Sunday! We want to go outside and play!" Braiden pouted, sticking out his lower lip as far as possible.

"Play Sorry!" Mark chuckled as the two boy's backs hit the couch.

"You aren't very funny sometimes, Uncle Mark." Tommy pouted as he glanced to the tv, not at all interested in the scores of games that he'd already heard about 100 times from the boys in Sunday School.

"Nonsense." Mark grinned as he turned up the TV's volume a little more to drown out the whines.

"Come on." Tommy continued to beg as he turned towards Braiden to help. "We won't even leave the yard." Braiden assed with a devious smile that Mark instantly realized was a lie.

"Don't you two ever get tired of each other all week?" Mark muttered, wondering if him and Derek had been this annoying when they were that young. Unfortunately, he was sure they were.

"No. We're on opposite ends of the class." Braiden reasoned quickly.

"What about lunch?" Mark didn't miss the questioning glance Braiden sent Tommy, but had no time to question it before Tommy finally gave in. "Sorry! it is!" He muttered, dragging himself off the couch to the hall closet.

"You used to be the fun one, Markie." Braiden frowned as he slid off the couch onto the floor so that he could reach the coffee table when they started playing the game.

"You used to be quiet." Mark muttered, glancing towards the hall to find Tommy staring longingly at the clock. It finally struck him that it was Sunday. Running his hand over his head for a moment in contemplation, he watched as Tommy gave up and walked back into the room, plastering his always glowing smile on his face.

"You alright, kiddo?" Mark asked in a softer tone, making it clear that he wasn't talking about the fact that they couldn't go outside.

"When is daddy coming home?" Tommy asked, already glancing at the clock again to get ready to figure out how long he had to go before he had to worry.

"I don't know, I can call him if you want though." Mark frowned, wishing there was more he could say.

"No. That's okay. Thanks." He shrugged his shoulders before falling to his knees and placing the box on the floor beside him. Turning towards Braiden, his competitive side took over as a evil smile crossed his face. "You are SO going down, buddy!" He laughed, quickly joined by Braiden, leaving Mark to be the only person in the room who was too shocked at the dramatic change in his smile in a matter of just moments!

"I.. uh. I'll be right back." He mumbled, slowly raising from his seat to make his way to the kitchen where he'd left his cellphone. Just as he picked up the phone, lightening lit up the sky, causing him to curse under his breath. "Come on home, Derek." He spoke after the designated beep before clicking out of the call. The storm was not going to do anything to help Tommy's fears.

_You can look for a lifetime  
You can love for a day  
You can think you've got everything  
But everything is nothing when you throw it away  
Yeah, then you look in my eyes  
And I have it all once again  
It's been a long time coming down this road  
And now I know what I've been waiting for  
Just like a lonely highway, I'm trying to get home  
Ooh, love's been a long time coming  
** Oliver James**_

By the time the sun set, the two near strangers had gotten Addison to drive them to the bar they'd met at the night before, and drove in surprisingly comfortable silence to Frank's house. Samii tried her best to ignore the queasy feeling that nestled into her stomach as he turned off the main road onto a dirt path that had no end in sight.

"You know I won't be offended if you want to stay in town." Frank finally managed to speak as they pulled finally reached his house. "Honest."

Sam was too distracted by the size of his house to even think of a response. Surely, that wasn't his house. "You live here?" She finally managed to ask as her eyes traveled over the physical features of the house. It's brick structure struck her as macho, and the navy blue window shutters matched the door perfectly. It seemed simple and elegant all at the same time, and she couldn't for the life of her picturing him living there.

"Yeah." Frank blushed, once again being reminded why he didn't invite people to his house. More importantly, why he invited her- a stranger. There was just something about her, he reasoned as he watched her take in her surroundings, nibbling nervously on her lower lip before turning her attention to him.

"By yourself?" She seemed saddened by the question, and although it wasn't a completely unreasonable question, it still surprised him.

"Well, and Lucy." He grinned as her eyes widened in horror at all the possibilities. "My cleaning lady."

"Oh." Sam smiled. "So how long have you lived here?" She asked as she opened the door, wordlessly answering his question about whether she wanted to stay there or not.

"Since I was 10." He nodded his head in acknowledgment as he glanced at the house that he'd called home for as long as he could remember.

"Oh. So it's your parents house?" She fell into step beside him as they made their way to the door.

"It was." He nodded, not wanting to go into more detail than he had already.

"Oh." She frowned, realizing that she'd obviously hit a nerve.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago." He offered as best he could before coming to a stop at the front door. "Well, here we go." He managed a weak smile before slowly opening the door revealing a large foyer leading to a long hallway along with a double set of spiral stairs.

"Wow." She whispered so softly that if he hadn't been staring at her lips, he probably wouldn't have caught it at all. But he had been, so he reluctantly let a slight blush redden his cheeks.

"Let me.. um.. I'll show you the guest room." He nodded in confirmation as he shut the door behind them and made his way up the set of stairs that were closest to him.

"Oh. Alright." She agreed as she saw an elder woman peek her head out of a room further down the hallway. Feeling slightly uncomfortable by the glare, she quickened her pace to catch up with him, making note to lock her door that night.


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey everyone! Sorry about the longer than usual delay. This is the last chapter I have written, and I'm about to move out, and so things are a little crazy. I'm not sure when the next chapter is, but I figured I probably owed this to ya'll. Enjoy! This is for all the MAddi lovers!  
**

**Have A Little Faith in Me is not mine. **

_When the road gets dark  
And you can no longer see  
Just let my love throw a spark  
And have a little faith in me_

Addison had not been pleased when her alarm clock went off at 4:45 that Monday morning. She'd barely gotten any sleep. It seemed as though the entire town had been thrown off course this weekend, and she didn't know what to think of it. When the town shifted, so did she. She wasn't amused by the unwelcomed change at all. Between Mark and Frank, and Izzie's rambling about one thing or another, Addison had spent the majority of the night tossing and turning in her bed. Which only led her to think about redecorating and refurnishing. Neither could she really afford, or need. But it was now on her agenda. She'd been an interior designer at one point in time, but that was a part of her life she'd sealed off forever. She'd sealed him off.

Slamming her hand on the alarm clock, Addison used her other hand to free her tangled lower limbs from the comforter and sheets. It was entirely too early for anyone to be awake, she thought, but she also knew that Mark would be at the dinner by six for breakfast before his morning run, so she firmly planted her feet on her cold hardwood floor, allowing it to give her body another unwanted wake up call. Damn the deputy and his morning jogs. Oh, but how she looked forward to their morning cup of coffee and slice of toast.

Frank and the accented woman filtered into her mind briefly as she made her way into the bathroom, not even bothering to glance in the mirror before turning the shower head so that the room would be steaming before she ever woke up enough to truly look in the mirror. It was a habit she'd picked up in NY when she thought it was unheard of to go out of the bathroom without make up on, much less the apartment. It was only one of the few habits she hadn't been able to shake.

Once she could feel the moist air, Addison smiled and discarded her clothes into a neat pile, and placing them in the designated hamper with the clothes she'd worn the day before. Blindly taking her hair out of the loose ponytail, she ran her fingers through it, vowing to get it cut this week. Not content until her fingers met no resistance, Addison turned towards the fogged mirror and smiled. "It's going to be a good day Addi. It's going to be a good day." After smiling in satisfaction, Addison adjusted the water just enough so that she could feel it's forceful power against her newly reddened skin without being scolded for days. A temperature she'd perfected after only two weeks of moving in the apartment. She'd never been able to understand how anyone took coldshowers.

After running on automatic the next hour, Addison gave the now clear mirror one last look, tugging slightly at the large black clip in her hair to make sure it was going to stay in place before flicking off the lights and heading for the door, not even bothering to grab her car keys. The weather man had already informed her that she shouldn't expect rain until at least Wednesday. Today she would trust him, despite her every instinct not to. Trust had gotten nowhere in life. Yet she found herself constantly doing it. It was only a matter of time before it came back to bite her.

_And when the tears you cry  
Are all you can believe  
Just give these loving arms a try, baby  
And have a little faith in me  
When your secret heart  
Cannot speak so easily  
Come here darling, from a whisper start  
To have a little faith in me_

Mark was already on the doorstep of the dinner when she arrived. Not that it surprised her. He usually was, and she wasn't usually late. She would be lying if she said that she didn't love to see him standing there waiting for _her. _She would even be lying if she said she hadn't pictured him giving the grand gesture. She wasn't so sure she would be able to turn him down if he ever truly asked her when he was standing there just as the sun was rising. Shirtless, and God help him, the man was picture perfect. She hated him for that. He was her ultimate weakness. And how she **hated **liars.

"Hey Sampson." He grinned as he leaned effortlessly against the brick structure. He always had a way of unintentionally reminding her how huge of a hypocrite she really was. Because really, this man knew nothing about her. He didn't even know her last name. So all romantic thoughts of him slowly rose with the sun, and once again became out of her reach. He was out of her reach. No matter how much she wanted to have super human powers and have the ability to reach to him. She simply couldn't. He was the Deputy, and she- she was on the run. No matter what the fact that she hadn't left this tiny town in years meant. She knew that if he showed up, she would have to leave this place behind, and as much as she hated the thought, she knew it was entirely possible.

"Hey Deputy." She offered her bravest smile to prevent tears from forming in her eyes. She didn't want to ever have to say goodbye to anyone in this town. Not to the Karevs, not to Frank, and **definitely **not to Mark. But she would, and she didn't want to make it any harder than it would already be. That is, if she even got to say goodbye at all.

"Running late today, are we?" He smiled at her slightly wrinkled uniform. She NEVER had wrinkles. She was flawless. Even with the minimum amount of makeup she wore, and her hair placed strategically in place in that exact same hair clip.

"Shut up." She smirked as she walked past him to the glass door, simultaneously reaching into her purse for the keys. Why couldn't she ever find those things quickly like everyone else. No she always had stop everything she was doing and nearly pull everything out of her purse before she found them. Her purse wasn't even crowded. They should be easy to find. But no. As she brought her purse further down her arm to get a better view, she could see the corner of his lips slowly crawling upwards into a smile. "Don't even say it, Sloan. It's 6 AM. You don't get to make fun at 6 AM."

"I didn't say a word." He mused sheepishly, raising his hands quickly in surrender as hers continued to fumble along the insides of her purse.

_And when your back's against the wall  
Just turn around and you, you will see  
I will catch you, I will catch your fall, baby  
Just have a little faith in me  
And have a little faith in me  
And have a little faith in me  
And have a little faith in me  
And have a little faith in me_

Once she finally found the keys and jammed into the keyhole, the door creaked open seemingly at a nails pace, but she was entirely too tired to push it open, so she allowed it, even with the odd glances she was receiving. Once the door was open wide enough for them to slip in, she immediately walked behind the counter, not even bothering to watch him make his way to his chair. She didn't have to watch to know exactly the way every single muscle of his displayed body arched and expanded. It was tattooed to her brain. She couldn't forget if she tried. Oh, how she'd tried to forget so many times. Coffee was definitely first on the list of things to do she realized as she felt his lingering eye on her.

"So how was your night?" She asked, not turning around quite yet. Why couldn't the man ever wear a shirt? Just once! All she could really be thankful for was that he wasn't soaked in rain. Because that- that made it very hard for her to concentrate and always ended up with some sort of burns. She had at least three scars due to him, and she refused to get anymore.

"It was okay. I was over at the Shepherds." He shrugged, not wanting to think about Derek's distraught and drenches appearance once he finally made it home, or the way that Tommy constantly looked at the clock, no matter how Mark and Braiden tried to distract with activities to occupy the time.

"With Tommy?" Addison frowned, she hadn't seen the kid since school started, and she'd been wondering about him, but she'd never been able to bring it up to Derek because he seemed so content on living in denial. "How is he?"

"He's.. well, I think he's doing the best he can." Mark frowned, running his hands roughly over his eyes. He didn't know what to say to him to make him feel better. He didn't know if there was anything anyone could say.

"I haven't seen him in awhile." She sighed, finally turned towards him as she started to make work on the toast. Spreading just enough butter on the slices to give it flavor before putting it in the toaster.

"What do you mean? Doesn't he come with Braiden for lunch?" Mark eyed her oddly. He'd seen Derek giving Tommy money for it.

"Nope. Haven't seen him." She shook her head, suddenly becoming worried. That wasn't something was made her feel better at all.

"Oh. Uh. I'll ask him about that. I'll tell him Addi misses him." He grinned, changing the subject. It wouldn't do either of them any good to worry now.

"You'll drag him by if he doesn't care, right?" She laughed as she leaned forward onto the counter, letting her still sleepy form rest untill she had more to do.

_Well I've been loving you for such a long time, girl  
Expecting nothing in return  
Just for you to have a little faith in me  
You see time, time is our friend  
'Cause for us there is no end  
And all you got to do is have a little faith in me_

"You bet." He winked at her as he leaned slightly forward as well. "But you know, how will you pay him any attention if I'm here?" He widened his smile slightly, showing off his pearly whites, as he watched her eyes nearly dance in amusement.

"Don't I always find a way, you know, _somehow._" She smirked, his ego astounded her sometimes. Not that he wasn't completely entitled to his cockiness, it still surprised her sometimes. Most guy with that much ego would be annoying, but he somehow seemed **charming!** She slightly hated him for that.

"I think that's up for debate." He chuckled as the toaster clicked, calling to their attention that the toast was done. "You should probably get that." He nodded, trying to bite back his laugh since she seemed lost in thought.

"Oh. Right." Her cheeks blushed slightly before she grabbed two saucers and placing two very lightly toasted pieces of toast on each before grabbing the strawberry jam. "Here you go." She grinned before turning her attention to the coffee machine, slightly surprised that the drip had already seemed to stop. "Wow. That was fast."

"You were staring. Time flies when you do that. Or you know, so I hear." Her eyes instantly narrowed on his, absolutely hating that he had noticed, and even more that he felt like he could make fun of her for it. Wasn't there some sort of RULE that said he wasn't allowed to do that. He was the one that chose to come to her diner shirtless even though she had a sign on the door that said that wasn't allowed. She was certain he'd never noticed it, and even if he did, he obviously didn't care. After all, he is the deputy! Damn it, she muttered as she realized that she was once again staring.

"Smart ass." She rolled her eyes before turning back around to pour the two cups of coffee. Adding two sugars and two cremes to each cup before handing him both of them, watching in amusement as he decided which one he wanted before he sat hers in front of the stool next to him. Once he'd decided, she grabbed her saucer, and walked around the counter, taking the seat he'd decided was hers.

_I said, I will hold you up  
I will hold you up  
Your love will give me strength enough  
So have a little faith in me_

"Thanks for the breakfast, Addi." He smiled once she took her seat. After she nodded in acceptance, he picked up the toast and took his first bite. Today was going to be a good Monday. He could feel it.

"Anytime Deputy." She blushed slightly, thankful that he was too busy eating to notice her appreciating eye.She just couldn't think of a better way to start her day than with him, and that thought alone was enough to scare her to turning her attention to her own food. Yes, she decided, coffee would make everything okay.


	30. Chapter 30

_I have never known The like of this, I've been alone  
And I have missed things And kept out of sight  
But other girls were never quite like this,  
Falling, yes I am falling,And she keeps calling me back again.  
I can't forget the time or place where we just met.  
She's just the girl for me And I want all the world to see  
We've met  
Tyler Hilton  
_

The sun had barely risen when George unlocked the door to the office to start the new week. After starting a pot of coffee, and making notes of the messages on the answering machine, George quickly booted up the work computer. Cristina's planner popped up first, and he was surprised to find that she actually had several meetings that day. Only vaguely wondering if she knew about them, George minimized that screen and opened up AIM. Once he realized she wasn't on, he minimized that as well, and idly began tapping his fingers on the desk. This was new. Where was Cristina anyway?

Just as he was about to pick up the phone to call her, the door opened, and George had to use all of his self restraint to keep his jaw in a normal distance from the rest of his head. She, who he assumed was Cristina's first meeting, was, well he didn't know the word, but he was shocked. He was sure he'd never seen her before, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out how that was possible. There weren't many people he didn't know about that came in the office.

"Hi." Callie blushed at his outright gawking of her as she ran her hand over her skirt, ridding it of the nonexistent wrinkles that might have formed since she did it right before she entered the doorway.

Blinking several times to knock himself out of the daze, George cleared his throat, making sure to look directly in her eyes. "Hey. Cris.. The mayor isn't here yet." He frowned, vaguely wondering if he'd ever had to say that before, almost positive that he hadn't.

"Oh." She bit her lower lip as she glanced around the room to find that there weren't any chairs to sit in.

George, who'd realized what she was looking for, quickly stood up and made his way for Cristina's door. "Sorry. I'll find you a chair." He mumbled, quickly bringing out a fold out chair for her.

"Thanks." She smiled as she watched him fumble with the chair before finally stepping away so she could sit down.

"I.. I'll call Cristina." He nodded, mostly to himself, as he made his way back to the desk, immediately picking up the phone. Before he could even get the number halfway dialed, Cristina bustled into the room. "Why didn't you call me, O' Malley? What are you doing? Trying something new and actually calling your girlfriend?"

George blushed as he slowly hung up the phone, not noticing the blush on Callie's cheeks as well. "You're here on time for once Torres, who knew." Cristina rolled her eyes, ignoring the fact that she was late completely.

"Sorry. Won't.. happen again?" Callie spoke unsurely as she began to follow Cristina into the office, casting George a questioning glance.

"It's ok." He mouthed silently with a nod as he watched her disappear behind Cristina's closed door. Never been so thankful that Cristina would inevitably call him in to get her coffee.

_Words you said continue to taunt me  
And the way you squander love, well it haunts me  
Baby, open your eyes and maybe you'll see  
Your heart cries a lesson and apologized  
Alexz Johnson_

Monday morning had arrived without her consent as she smoothed her blouse before opening the door to her classroom. All of her students had already seated themselves in the desk with their history books already opened to chapter 1. Slightly in shock of the scene, she quickly shut the door behind her and made her way to her desk. "Morning class."

"Morning Miss Meri." The class said in unison, causing her to smile. She was quickly growing to love this class. It wasn't until her eyes scanned the room that she realized that they'd rearranged their seating. Braiden, who'd been up front the week before, was now sitting in the back next to Tommy, and Megan Johnston was now sitting next to Sara Daniels instead of Molly Weller. They were a sneaky group, she had to admit, but if sitting in their new seats was going to get her these results, why not.

"Everyone enjoying their new seats?" she laughed as each of them sighed in the realization that they weren't as sneaky as they thought.

"Does Braiden have to move back up front?" Tommy's voice barely carried to her ears, but she heard just enough to know what he was asking. The kid had already stole the spot of her favorite student, and she wasn't sure she could have said no if she wanted to. He was entirely too much like his father sometimes.

"No, Braiden is fine as long as you two pay attention to the lessons." Meredith smiled at them before flipping open the days lesson planner.

The next few hours passed rather quickly, and before Meredith knew it, it was time for lunch. Just as she suspected, Tommy stayed in the classroom. It hadn't been uncomfortable before, but she knew that Tommy had seen her.. scene with Derek, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

"Miss Meri?" Tommy stood from his desk and made his way up to the front of the class where she was seated.

"Yes?" She asked, not expecting him to leave his seat.

"Does it bother you that I sit in here during lunch?"

Meredith dropped her pen slowly as she looked at his uncertain face. Smiling at him, she shook her head. "No Tommy, it doesn't bother me. But you must be awfully bored. I'm not much of an entertainer, I'm afraid."

"Oh believe me, you are much more entertaining than the kids in the class." He nodded his head quickly, leaving no room for argument.

"Thanks Tommy." Meredith smiled at him before returning to her lesson plans.

"Do you like apples?" He asked after several moments of silence. She looked up to find him pulling a large apple from his book bag, followed by a lunch box.

"I do like apples." She nodded, letting out a soft chuckle.

"Is that why everyone always gives their teachers apples? You'd think they'd want pencils or roses or something. Not apples!"

"Roses, huh?" Meredith laughed, knowing that he's definitely gotten that idea from Derek.

"That's what daddy used to do whenever mommy would get upset with him. He'd rush out to Sydney's floral shop and buy a bunch of roses. He says it's the best way to make things better, and that I should try to remember that when I get a girlfriend." Tommy explained as he continued to take out the contents of his lunch box, which included a pb&j, doritos, and another apple.

"Sounds like he has it all figured out." Meredith did her best to smile. She knew all too well Derek's theory on roses. He always said she was always the most breathtaking when the roses were highlighting her face. It wasn't so much the roses that saved him as it was the lines that went with them, but Meredith had a feeling Tommy wasn't going to have trouble with girls.

"Would you like an apple, Miss Meri?" Tommy asked shyly as he extended his arm across the small desk as far as he could before he gave up and stood to reach her.

"I would love one. Thanks Tommy." She smiled as she accepted the apple.

"Miss Meri?" he spoke once again, not moving from his spot beside her desk.

Yeah?" she laughed slightly, placing the apple down on the desk.

"Did my dad ever buy you roses?"

"Wha. .why do you ask that?"

"Because yesterday after church, it seemed like a good time to buy you some roses. But I didn't know because I'd never seen him by anyone roses besides my mommy, well , and Ms. T on her day."

Deciding that him knowing wouldn't do anyone any good, she shook her head. "Nope. Sorry kiddo." She watched as he nodded his head before she returned her attention to the lesson plan book, only vaguely wondering why he asked.

**Hi everyone. I can't apologize enough for the gap between the last update, and most likely the next one. I still haven't moved, but I am next week. I won't bore you with the tragic details. But life has just been.. out of control. So I hope you liked this update. Happy and sad, in a way. I know. But I hope it renews some faith in me, at least. Hope everyone had a great summer!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Ah! SO sorry guys! I wrote this a while ago, and kept meaning to add more.. and haven't had a chance to finish the second part ((which is rather long)) so this is all I have for now! Once again, SO sorry for the gap! Thank you SayNo... for the reminder! It made me smile!  
**

**I'm uneasy, And I'm weak in the knees  
And I'm trying not to breathe  
Not believing, Not believing you're gone  
And that I was the one to let you  
Jack's Mannequin, Lonely for Her**

The sheriff's office was unusually quiet for a Monday. Mark had been gone most of the day, and Derek was starting to grow impatient with the silence. Why couldn't anything ever happen? Just once. He could dwell on it afterwards for weeks, months even. He could make himself be content if just one thing happened. But he wasn't planning on it. The closest he would get is Frank streaking through the streets in the wee hours when no one would see him. The only reason Derek knew this is because he was coming in from out of town one night and saw him. He didn't even stop and say anything to him. He didn't care to talk to a naked Frank, not then, not ever.

His fingernails clanked on the wooden desk in a steady rhythm, starting with his pinkie, which was quickly followed by his three other fingers. He'd discovered a long time ago, probably as a child, that the thumb just didn't clank right for his sounding desire. It was more of a dull thud, and it just wouldn't do for him. He was trying his best to focus on the sound, because if he allowed his mind to drift, he was afraid of where it would take him. He didn't want to know. It didn't really matter, because either direction it went, it was a hopeless case. He could have neither. Which was painful. One because it wasn't physically possible, and the other, well, there were so many reasons he couldn't go down that road, that he didn't even know which one was the most important. His son's teacher. His deceased wife's one time best friend, his ex-girlfriend? Could he call her that? He didn't know that either. She was just so unattainable that it ached him. He just wanted to know her again. To be able to tell what she was thinking by just looking at her. He had known her that well at one point. He had planned on knowing her like that for their entire lives, but fate had had other plans for him, and for the most part, he didn't resent fate for that. Except now. He resented fate for taking his wife away, and leaving him to torment himself on the loss of her, and the immeasurable distance he'd placed between himself and Meredith. Or had she placed it? She had been the one to leave town. Not that he could blame her. He had let her down. He had lied to her. He had promised the world on a silver platter, and only delivered heartbreak and a bus ticket to wherever her heart desired. Yes, he'd paid for the bus ticket. How could he not? He hated watching her break like that, and it was the only thing she asked of him. He'd begged her not to go, but even then, he knew he would give in. He wasn't sure he could stop their.. whatever it was, if she stayed.

The door opened, and he was so happy, he probably could have kissed who ever walked in to stop his thoughts. Those were disastrous thoughts that was lead him nowhere except to maybe a closet to cry. That is, if the person wasn't Mark. He was angry at Mark. Angry for him allowing those thoughts thoughts to trespass into his most forefront thoughts. They weren't allowed to do that. They weren't acceptable of a widowed husband. Especially not of Meredith Grey.

"Where were you?" He nearly growled at the deputy in anger. He knew, on some level, that it wasn't Mark's fault that he couldn't control his own thoughts, but he was the only person he had to blame.

"Why? Miss me?" Mark grinned as he shut the door behind him before making his way to his own desk. He didn't even realize how upset Derek was. He was on a bit of a high from life and he wouldn't let anyone ruin that, especially not Derek.

"You know, this is a JOB, Mark. You can't just blow it off to hit on Addison all day." Derek immediately felt bad for saying it, but he had problems controlling his words around Mark. It was a bit of an uncensored relationship.

"I wasn't hitting on Addison!" Mark glared fiercely at Derek before turning his back on him. Obviously Derek was in a bad mood, and he wasn't going to get in the crossfires of it. He'd have to fight his demons on his own for now.

"So where were you?" Derek's anger grew as he received no response. He knew he should walk away, he should just let himself cool off. But he hated to walk away. It made his stomach churn just to think about it. "Are you even listening to me? You are the deputy! I am your boss, damn it!" He hissed, and even he winced at his words. Mark didn't show any reaction. If he winced, it was so tiny that it showed no strain to his back.

"Go take a walk, Shep." Mark rolled his eyes at the outburst. He refused to get sucked into the madness. He would see Addison in a little over an hour, and he refused to let himself be in a bad mood because Derek was being an ass. His boss? Since when? What happened to being partners? Jackass.

"I don't need a walk. I need my deputy to be here to do his job!" He had a feeling he was making himself feel worse than it'd make Mark feel, but he just needed to get it out, and Mark was the only person who would say anything back. He just had to push the right button is all.

"What do you think I'm doing here, Shep?" Mark finally gave in, reluctantly as he turned around to face Derek. The sooner he got whatever was on his chest off, the sooner he could crack a joke about him being a drama queen, and they'd return to normal.

"You've been gone for over an hour!" Derek bit back, not quite as harshly. Truthfully, he was happy that Mark had finally paid attention. Didn't he deserve some attention?

"I was helping a possible citizen!" Mark couldn't help but smile at the memory. Yes, he could definitely hope that she would become a citizen. Even if she was Frank's.. friend. They were just friends, weren't they? He wasn't sure. They had been sitting awfully close at the car shop when he walked by, but she didn't really ignore his charm either. Addison flashed through his mind, and a sigh escaped his lips. He just didn't know what to think about Addison anymore. One minute she was staring at him as if she could just see their future together, and sometimes she was just so indifferent. He didn't know what to expect from her when he saw her, but Samantha, the possible citizen, she was not hot and cold like Addison. If nothing happened, that was okay too. It wasn't like he was in love with her. Not like Addison. Not that he was in love with Addison. Was he?

"If you're talking about that girl who's car broke down, forget it. She's leaving town like today." Derek rolled his eyes. Of course he was talking to a girl. When isn't Mark distracted by a girl? And he wonders why Addison won't go without him. Manwhore.

"I don't know about that, sheriff. She seemed pretty interested... in the town." He smirked at the ending, even though it wasn't really a lie. She did seem interested in the town, and in Frank. Frank! The town drunk! Probably the money, he shrugged his shoulders. It didn't matter. He was charming.

"You're impossible." Derek laughed, forgetting completely all the anger he'd felt a moment ago as he sat back down in his chair. "You just wait till I tell Addi."

"WHAT!"


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey guys! I hope you guys are proud! It wasn't like a month and a half this time:D **

**I feel the question of your loneliness  
Confide 'cause I'll be on your side  
You know I will, you know I will  
My Friends, Red Hot Chili Peppers**

It was just after one o'clock when Mr. Rengald left the Karev's shop, and as soon as the door clanked closed, Alex collapsed into his chair and ran his hands over his face. It'd been a busy day. Not that it was bad, just tiring. Only a few moments passed before he felt Izzie's hair fall against his stubbled face and her lips planted soft kisses along his neck. His eyes shot open in surprise. He'd thought she was in the back checking on Annie, but she'd snuck up on him. "Ready to go?" She smiled against his skin before pulling away, allowing him a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Huh? Where?" He asked, completely forgetting that his stomach had been growling for at least two hours. A faint cry filtered the air, and just like that, Izzie was gone again to pick up Annie, this time bringing her back with her into the main area.

"Food." She rolled her eyes playfully at him as she turned towards the yawning baby in her arms. "Your dad is so silly. Did you know that? So silly." She smiled as she leaned down and placed a kiss on Annie's forehead, eliciting a giggle from her almost immediately.

"Am not!" Alex gapped his jaw widely as he stared at his wife, completely bewildered at her statement. He was not silly! He was just distracted. It was her fault!

"Let's go. Addison said she needed to talk to me about something or another." Izzie waved her free hand in the air, indicating that the details were somewhat fuzzy to her on the phone conversation she had had earlier in the day with the redhead.

"Babe. You saw her yesterday. I'm sure it's not that important." He laughed as he brought himself to his feet, quickly receiving a slap on his bicep once he was in reaching distance of her. "Ow!" He pouted, covering up the impacted area with his other arm, sending a pout in her direction before walking into the back for the keys to lock up the place. Not so much for the fact that he was afraid someone would would break in and steal something, he really just didn't want someone to think they were there and come inside and wait for them.

They were at Addison's diner in a matter of minutes and walked in to find that the place was practically smack full. Walking slowly to the counter, they took the only two available seats and were surprised to find that Addison was nowhere to be found. "Where's Addi?" Izzie turned to her left to find Derek sitting there, staring at his food in silence, a slight wince dictating his lips as something made contact with a wall in the back.

"Tal... She's in the back. With Mark." Derek nodded and although he could tell that Izzie was confused, he didn't have the heart to tell her what had happened before she arrived to warrant Mark being in the back. Yes, it was his fault, but he hadn't expected THAT. No. He had not expected that at all.

"Oh no. What did he do?" Izzie bit her lower lip softly as another crash-like sound echoed through the diner. "And how long has that been happening?" She asked, glancing around the place to see that no one even seem phased by the bursts of noises. She returned her attention to Derek just in time to see him glance at his watch.

"At least 20 minutes." He nodded his head in agreement with his words, ignoring the fact that it was his fault half of the customers had yet to be fed because of his mouth.

"You didn't answer my first question." She responded quickly as she allowed the time to sink into her mind, already thinking of an appropriate reaction. She had worked at a diner when she was a teenager. She wasn't the cook, but it wasn't like Addi had a very large menu. She wasn't really a great chef either.

"He's Mark." Derek frowned as he rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. "He's Mark. And I'm Derek. And we don't know when to stop." Next thing he knew he felt a rather intense sting on his arm, eliciting a loud "OW!" from his mouth. "What was that for?" He asked as he covered up the impacted area of his arm from where she slapped him.

"For being an idiot!" She growled before turning to Alex on the other side of her. "Here. Hold Annie. I.. I have to go check on Addi. And then.. And then.. well I think I might have to go make some sandwiches." She frowned as she leaned into peck his lips before standing up, walking away mumbling something about stupid male penises with their stupid male egos. What the hell was wrong with them?

**Words you said continue to taunt me  
And the way you squander love, well it haunts me  
Baby, open your eyes and maybe you'll see  
Your heart cries a lesson and apologized  
Transparent Lies, Alexz Johnson  
**

Izzie slowly made her way back towards the racket, not sure what to expect of her findings. It didn't sound like pans crashing against the walls, and that made her afraid to open the door, but she had to check on Addison, so she bravely opened the door to find exactly what she'd feared. Except the actual image was so much more disturbing than she'd prepared herself for. Addison had Mark pinned against the wall somehow, surprisingly, and her arms were lassoed around his neck, pulling him as closely as possible to her. She couldn't help but to stare as the two continued to make out with each other in front of her. Had they not even heard her come in? The loud obvious throat clearing and everything? Was he THAT good of a kisser, seriously? She cleared her throat again, a little louder, and was thankful when the two disentangled themselves from each other. Addison even had enough grace to blush as she wiped her wet lips against her bare forearm. Honestly, Izzie was just pleased, and a little surprised, they both had their clothes on. She wasn't sure that would have been the case if it would have been a moment later. She loved Addison, but there just some things she did not need to see. And her having sex? Was #1 on that list. In big bold italicized letters. And underlined. It was so underlined like fifty freaking times!

"I.. I.. You have customers. Waiting." Izzie managed to get out but found herself not allowing Addison to pass when she tried to get through the door. "But first you're going to explain, you're both going to explain, what the hell I just walked in on!" Derek had made it seem like she was angry. That he had done something bad. Mark didn't seem like he was getting punished. He was getting freaking rewarded. She knew better than anyone how hot angry make up sex was, but they hadn't even had time to have a fight! Not a fight to warrant how hot that potential sex she walked in on would have been. Well, they had had years of foreplay, she reasoned to herself as silence filled the room between the three, neither of them seemed willing to speak. "I can stay here, you know, all day, if I need to. I want answers. Now!"

Addison finally sighed as she allowed herself to look at Mark for the first time since Izzie had entered. She was ashamed of herself for losing her control. She hadn't planned on any of that happening. At all. He wasn't even suppose to follow her back there. He just had a knack for showing up when she was vulnerable. And she had been so vulnerable, even though she KNEW that it was a bad idea to kiss him. Such a bad idea, but it had felt soo.. right. She hated him for that. She'd known he'd be a good kisser though. You don't have a body and personality like his and not be a good kisser. It just didn't happen. Damn him. "Izzie. It was nothing. Really. It was just... it was just a .." She hated to say it when he was right there. She knew it would break him. She wouldn't be able to help him after she said it. He'd probably hate her. She would hate her if she was him. "It was just a weak moment. It meant nothing." Her eyes darted to the floor to avoid him being able to see them glaze over with tears. She couldn't believe she'd actually said that after everything. How could she be so cruel? She reminded herself that it was for him. She was no good for him. She was no good for anyone in this town. Being caught in this predicament told her that she had stayed entirely too long. How had she let this happen?

"Nothing?" He echoed her words hoarsely, and all she could think of doing was doing the exact same thing to him all over again as she'd done before Izzie had walked in. But she had to be strong. For both of them.

Izzie watched both of them carefully, and all she wanted to do was hug them. They both seemed broken beyond repair, and she hated that it was a fact that she couldn't change, that she couldn't help. Addison would never listen to her reasons, and Mark, he never even saw it coming. She had. She'd known the second she walked in that Addison would take it back like the last peppermint someone gave away out of politeness, even though they, of course, expected the person to give it back once they were informed that it was the LAST one. She'd given him too much hope this time. Too much power. And now he was scarred. His normally bright blue and cheerful eyes now seemed duller than ever, and a part of her wanted to hate Addison for being the cause of it. Mark hadn't done anything wrong. At least not really.

"Mark.." Addison whispered, still not even having the courage to look at him as she said it. "I.. I'm so sorry." She whispered before forcefully pushing past Izzie and got out of the room before either of them could stop her. The door clanked loudly back into place, but neither of the two remaining moved. Shock was written over Mark's face, and all Izzie could think to do was hug him. So she took a few steps towards him in warning before pulling him into a hug.

"Sorry you had to see that, Iz." Mark frowned as he wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. He didn't even have the energy to act like he wasn't affected by the.. whatever it was that just happened to him.

"I'm sorry she did that." Izzie frowned as she pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself, wanting nothing more than to hear Alex tell her he loves her at that exact moment.

"I.. I don't know what just happened." He blinked his eyes rapidly, as if to remind himself that he was, in fact, not dreaming. He'd gotten everything he'd wanted and it'd been torn away from him quicker than he could comprehend it.

"Mark Sloan... meet Addison Sampson. The Queen of Denial." Izzie frowned, kissing his cheek briefly before leaving him alone to collect his thoughts. She so had several thoughts to share with her best friend, and she'd be damned if Addison was going to skip away without hearing them.

**Reviews are love. **


	33. Chapter 33

**Hey everyone.I know you are all waiting for MD, but there are several things that have to happen before I can get back to them. This is for the Maddi fans though. :)**

**P.S Sayno.. HAHA! I uploaded this yesterday, but it wouldn't let me post it. Nice timing!! **

**Sometimes the system goes on the brink  
And the whole thing turns out wrong  
You might not make it back and you know  
That you could be well all that strong  
And I'm not wrong  
Bad day, Daniel Powter**

Derek watched as Addison made her way back behind the counter, and if she hadn't looked directly at him, he wouldn't had known anything was wrong anything was wrong at all. But her eyes gave her away. They were filled with tears, and he truly just wanted to beg for her forgiveness. He hadn't meant to make her cry! He'd expected her to laugh, even join him with the mocking of Mark, he hadn't wanted her to cry! "Addi?" He spoke softly, not knowing exactly what he wanted to say to her, but before he could think of anything to say, she stopped him with a shake of her head.

"You should go check on Mark, Derek. You have nothing to apologize for. Really." She gave him a weak smile before rushing to the other side of the counter to waiting customers, already apologizing profusely for them having to wait on her. She couldn't look at Derek without wanting to cry again. He would hate her soon enough. Just like everyone else. She'd broken the deputy of the town that everyone loved.

Derek blinked several times until he saw Izzie come out of the back, and she was nearly in tears too. He quickly jumped off the stool and made his way to the back. What the hell had happened? Why was Mark so upset? He knocked softly on the door before opening it. He hadn't expected Mark to respond to the knock, he was just alerting him of his presence. He frowned as he saw Mark in the far corner, his knees brought close to his chin, his arms wrapped securely around them for a place to rest his head. "Hey buddy." Mark's head slowly lifted off his arms and quickly found Derek's eyes. Derek wasn't sure he'd ever seen Mark look so broken. It was as if he'd free fallen straight into the ground in a nosedive. It had all started out so simple. So easy. It was only a **joke.** How did it end up like this?

_The routine had been going fine. They had gone to Addison's, sat at their usual spots, ordered their usual meals, made the usual small talk with Addison when the time called for it, but no matter how perfect and ordinary it was going, Derek couldn't help the strong urge he had to bring up Sam. He just wanted to see Mark's face. It would turn SO red, and he would just burst from a fit of joy at the sight. And Addison, she was suppose to laugh it off. She was suppose to give him a knowing look before making a comment about how Mark was going to have to pay for his brownie that day. _

_"So, Did Mark tell you about his new friend?" Derek grinned at Addison who had stopped momentarily in front of them during the rush to make sure they were okay. Addison's eyes shot up to meet Derek's before slowly making their way to Mark, who's face was beet red, and was glaring down Derek as if he was going to kill him at any moment._

_"Mark has a new friend?" Addison asked skeptically. Braxton wasn't exactly a place where Mark could make new friends. It wasn't until Mark's eyes darted to his plate that she remembered Frank's friend . What was her name again? Was she still in town? Why was she Mark's new friend? She did not approve of this. _

_"No. I don't." Mark muttered, making sure to stomp really hard of Derek's foot when he felt Addison's disapproving gaze on him. What did she expect of him? She'd never let him believe they were anything more than friends anyway. Why couldn't he have a new friend?_

_"That's not what I heard earlier." Derek laughed, keeping his amused eyes on Mark, completely missing the sadness that was taking over Addison's appearance. "He was trying to convince her to stay in town." Derek laughed again, this time turning to Addison to see if she was laughing. He was thrown off when her eyes were glazed over for just a moment as she looked at him before she darted to the back. "Um. I. Did I say something wrong?" Derek turned to Mark slowly, wondering if something had slipped that he hadn't meant, or misphrased something. He kept replaying it in his head, but he couldn't figure it out._

_"Way to piss off the chef, Pal." Mark muttered as he shook his head, pushing his barely touched plate forward before standing up. "I'm going to check on her. Don't get my food poisoned while I'm gone." Derek watched dumbfounded as Mark walked away. How had that gone so terribly wrong?_

**What hurts the most was/is bein' so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin' what could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do  
Rascal Flatts**

Derek carefully slid down the wall beside his nearly lifelong best friend. It wasn't very often, ever really, that he was in this position. The comforter. He'd always, somehow, been the broken one, which was odd really considering he was the Sheriff. The Sheriff was suppose to have it all figured out. How wrong that'd been for him. He placed his hand on Mark's shoulder, squeezing it softly in support. He racked his brain for familiar sayings or phrases that would be good for this sort of thing, but his thoughts failed at him at the sight of Mark. He didn't even know what had happened. He needed to know to understand. To help. To be there.

"So. Izzie seems to think that I'm an ass." Derek nodded his head, mostly to himself, keeping his eyes on Mark to gauge his reaction. He was relieved when a small smile crossed his friend's face as he turned slightly to face him.

"You are." His ever so slight grin quickly faded as soon as he saw Derek's eyes narrow. He couldn't afford to lose his friend right then. "I mean. You? Are? Really?" He tried to seem shocked, but he didn't have enough to energy to really care.

"I'm not an ass!" He huffed, showing obvious insult from Mark's response.

"Of course not, buddy." Mark offered a ghost of a smile before lowering his head back onto his forearms, shrugging off Derek's soft grip on his shoulder in the process. He didn't want to be touched right then. Not by anyone. Even if he knew Derek had the best of intentions.

"So is this the point where you tell me why you're in time out, or is this the point where I have to make an ass out of myself to get you to tell me why Addison walked out of here in tears?"

"Ass." Mark muttered into his arm, not even caring that Derek heard him.

"Don't make me do it, Mark. You know I will. Don't make me. You won't be happy." Derek grinned, standing up slowly, giving Mark the chance to stop him. He sighed once he made it to his feet, and Mark had made no attempt to stop him. "I'm giving you to the count of three. There's no stopping me once I start."

Mark looked up only for a moment to find that Derek already had the fingers up to start the countdown. He refused to hear the pep talk. The pep talk that he always gave Derek. It was annoying as hell, but it always worked to cheer up Derek. Mark was not Derek, though. It wouldn't work on him.

"Don't Derek. You're wasting your breath." Mark muttered, lifting his head just enough to allow his voice to project itself so Derek would get the message. It became clear after only a few seconds that Derek had completely ignored his plea.

"Three." Derek smiled as he dropped one finger down. A loud groan left his best friend, and Derek continued the countdown. He could be a pain in the ass when he wanted to be. "Two." He dropped another finger, leaving only one. He smiled in triumph as Mark finally shook his head, indicating for him to really stop.

"Fine. Fine! I will tell you. Just stop trying to pretend you can count!" Mark narrowed his eyes on him, indicating that he should probably sit down for this. Derek simply nodded as he took a seat on the ground directly in front of Mark.

"Good. Now be sure to tell me why there's a pan and three brownie containers scattered across the floor." Derek grinned, knowing that he was already pushing his limit, before Mark even started the story.

"Just zip it, Shep." Mark rolled his eyes before focusing them on his hands. He couldn't look at Derek while telling the story. It was embarrassing, and he didn't want to see the pity look Derek was sure to give him. He didn't want anyone's pity. Especially Derek's.

"Aren't you just Mr. Snappy today." Derek retorted softly, not even really loud enough for Mark to hear, but he quickly realized by Mark's fierce glare that he had, in fact, heard him. "Sorry. I'm done. "

xxxx

**Speakin of the devil  
look who just walked in  
he knows just where to find me  
here we go again  
i can tell hes gonna ask me to dance  
but thats not as far as he wants to go  
i need ten thousand angels to help me tell him no**

_Mark made his way to the back of the restaurant slowly, giving himself time to think of something, anything to say to her. He was surprised that she'd gotten so upset, and showed it as much as she had. He couldn't help but want to smile though. He was finally starting to wear down her defenses. He could hear a soft sob through the door, and all of his joy immediately combusted to nothing as he placed his hand delicately on the door, trying to soothe her somehow without her knowing. He could only take the heart wrenching sound for so long before his hand knocked on the door. He cursed himself silently as the sobs ceased, followed quickly by muffled sounds of sniffles. He faintly heard words resembling "one sec", so he allowed her it before knocking again. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't want him there, but he had to make sure she was alright. It was his fault, after all, that she was crying to begin with. He could hear her shuffling around before the door slowly creaked open, revealing a side of Addi he'd never seen before. She looked so broken, so defeated. She'd always been so strong and sure of herself. He didn't know how to handle her so unraveled._

_"Just go away, Mark." She sighed, keeping her eyes trained to the ground to avoid his gaze._

_"Let me in, Addi." He slipped his hand through the opening and wiped away a tear from her cheek, and watched as she flinched at his touch. He quickly withdrew his hand, taking a step backwards. He hadn't expected her to flinch. As if she was afraid of his touch. He would never hurt any one, but especially Addi. He was surprised as she slowly opened the door further before walking towards the back of the room. He made his way carefully through the door, surveying the damage she'd imposed before closing the door behind him, not knowing whether it was a good idea or not. He opted on not locking the door in case he needed a quick escape. He wasn't sure how long his presence would be welcome, if it was at all._

_"Talk to me." He swiped his hand softly over her forehead, wiping away the few strands of her hair that'd fallen out of place in the few minutes she'd been in there. It was something he'd never been able to do, and he reveled in every second of it. He found that he was possibly even more attracted to her now that she wasn't so.. immortal._

_"Why? Why should I talk to YOU?" She growled as she purposefully allowed the rebellious strands of hair fall back into her face, even if she did hate them being there. She watched as he winced, and she knew he didn't deserve that, but she had to protect herself. Whatever happened to the phrase 'you gotta be cruel to be kind' She decided in that moment it was her new motto. It was the only way she'd survive this._

_"I don't want her, Addi." He swallowed forcefully as his eyes zoned into her lips. There were so many things he could say, but it wasn't anything that she didn't already know. Of course he wanted her._

_"Don't." She sighed, allowing her head to fall into her knees. She couldn't go there. She wouldn't. No matter how good it would feel at the moment._

_"I have to." He frowned as he slowly cupped her chin in his hand. "I don't want her. There's only one person I want to be with. I think we both know that." He watched helplessly as she jumped up, quickly falling to a pacing motion in the small area, her eyes never once settling on him._

_"Take. It. Back!" She demanded. She couldn't hear him say it and then be able to stop herself. She knew that. She was too weak, too fragile, too dependent for the strength to be able to do that. She'd need ten sets of 10,000 Angels to do it._

**lead me not into temptation  
heaven help me to be strong  
i can fight all that im feelin'  
but i cant do it alone  
help me break this spell that im under  
guide my feet and hold me tight  
i need ten thousand angels  
watchin' over me tonight**

_"That won't change that we both know it's true!" He gnarled at her, refusing to back down so easily. They'd been dancing around this for entirely too long, and he was tired of it. There was only so much he could take before he broke, and he was finally at that point. There just wasn't any turning back now. __ He was going to make her listen._

"_No. You can't mean it, Mark. You just can't," she protested, knowing exactly where he was headed. She knew because she was acutely aware of feeling the same way. She had no problems admitting that to herself. She wouldn't admit it to Mark, ever, because it would only break his heart when she left, which she would have to. She couldn't let it go any further, she couldn't take the look in his eyes when he finally found out the truth and left her. It was better her way…she could never lose what she never actually had._

"_The hell I can't!" he snapped, making Addison jump. He took a deep breath and stepped away before continuing, trying not to frighten her. "Addison, in my life I've sat back and let other people make decisions for me. I let Meredith and Derek…even Tommy decide for me. But I'm done with that. I can't do it anymore. I know how I feel, Addi." _

_Her eyes began to water and her lips began to tremble as he crouched down in front of her, cradling the side of her face in his palm before it strayed into her tangled hair. "I can't NOT tell you. You can take it or leave it or tell me to fuck off, but I choose to tell you," he explained as he helped her to her feet. His hands brushed up and down her arms, trying to comfort her but demanding eye contact. _

"_Mark it's okay. Please don't… I had no right to be jealous of her. It's really none of my business –" She was cut off before she could finish by the flash of anger in his eyes._

" _Damnit Addison. Shut up. You have no reason to be jealous of Sam or anyone else. I don't want her, I want you, dammit," He confessed, shaking her gently to emphasis his point._

"_Mark…" She breathed, the tears rolling quietly down her cheeks. For a moment, she simply took in his words. Her head fell to his chest as she allowed herself time to enjoy being close. Mark's hands strayed to Addi's hips, pulling her even closer, hugging her tight. He held his breath as the seconds passed, wondering what she was thinking._

"_I love you so much," He whispered, breaking her reverie. _

_Addison pushed him away roughly, wiping at her eyes with her hands. "Don't say that. You don't even know me."_

"_What do you mean? Of course, I know you. I see you almost everyday," Mark replied not comprehending her words at all. As far as he was concerned, he knew her better than anyone. He knew she didn't let her defenses fall very often._

"_No you don't. Not really. You don't know about my past or my family or what I do when I'm not at the diner. You know nothing about me. Mark, you can't love someone that you don't know," she insisted. Her heart broke a little more after every word she uttered. She had to believe them as much as he did, because the look he gave her sometimes, it made her question that. She wasn't allowed to question that. She couldn't._

"_I know you. I do. The other stuff is just your past. It doesn't matter…we all have one." He insisted, truly not caring a bit about her past. All that mattered was that he could see the crimson color in her cheeks, and he could feel her warm skin beneath his finger tips. That's all that mattered. It's all that would ever matter to him._

"_If you knew the things…my past, you wouldn't be saying that," She warned, putting more distance between them in the tiny room, shaking her head insistently. Demanding him to believe her. To take her words at face value, because she couldn't go any further if he wanted her to. _

"_Bullshit, Addi. Nothing you could say would change how I feel. Do you understand that?" He asked, cautiously making his way to her. "Nothing," he whispered, brushing his lips against hers, kissing her softly as he wrapped his arms around her waist supportively._

**its time to face my weakness  
look him in the eye  
Lord knows it wont be easy  
but ive just gotta try  
i cant let myself get lost in his arms  
thats how i got my heart broke before  
i need ten thousand angels to walk me out the door**

"_Stop," she murmured against his lips, even as she kissed him back. "Stop it, Mark. Just stop pushing. We can't." She croaked, her eyes misty as she broke the kiss, her gaze falling to the floor._

"_No! We can! You just won't!" He argued, taking in every inch of her with his eyes as well as his wandering hands.. "I just can't figure out why." _

_She pushed him away with as much force as she could muster as her eyes narrowed in on him. "Pretty full of yourself, huh? Who could resist Deputy Mark Sloane with all of his freaking muscles and his gun?" She mocked. "ME!! I can!" She screamed, chunking at him a box of foil she'd found on the shelves directly at his head. She was thankful that he had good reflexes and ducked, but she didn't show that. That would be a weakness._

"_I'm sorry. Did you just throw foil at me?" He asked in disbelief, trying not to laugh and piss her off even more as he watched her storm down the length of the closet._

"_Ass!" She retorted, turning to throw a bag of flour at him forcing him to step to the side to miss being hit. She turned away to hide the tiny smile that graces her face before discarding it._

"_Okay, how 'bout we cut the crap and you tell me what the hell about your past is so bad that you think it's gonna make one bit of difference to me? Just spit it out and we'll go from there," He tried to rationalize as he dodged the plastic containers and metal pans being sent his way. _

"_No," was all that Addi could come up with as she prepared to send a rolling pin his way. If nothing else, they kept him from advancing. Although, she couldn't fight the wince that crossed her face when the pin came awfully close to midsection. She saw the flash of anger in his eyes, and suddenly she was afraid to throw anything else, even as he finally started towards her again. She knew this wasn't going to end well for her. She'd used every defense she'd had, and he still hadn't left. Why hadn't he left?_

"_Yes, Addison," He insisted, stepping forward to disarm her. She struggled against him as he pushed her against the shelf. Mark took in her mussed hair, her heaving breasts, and her pouting lips. He had to have her. He pulled her close, one hand falling to her hip and the other making it's way to the back of her head, holding her there and forcing her to submit to the assault of his lips and tongue. The rolling pin clattered to the floor as Addison melted into him, her body molding to his. Her hands explored his chest and wrapped themselves around his neck as she moaned. "Crap," She thought. Now she knew she'd give him anything, let him do anything, as long as he kept kissing her like that. So much for resisting temptation. _


	34. Chapter 34

**If I say who I know it just goes to show**

**You need me less than I need you**

**Take it from me we**

**Don't give sympathy**

**You can trust me trust nobody**

**But I said you and me**

**We don't have honesty**

**The things we don't want to speak**

**I'll try to get out but I never will**

**Traffic is perfectly still**

**The Fray**

Izzie had been so caught up in her reminiscent thoughts of the day, she'd completely forgotten that they were having guests until she heard the knock on her door at 7 indicating that someone had arrived. "Shit." She cursed silently as she glanced into the living room from the kitchen to see Alex sending her a questioning glance at her slip. "Will you get that, babe?" She yells as she stops chopping up the ... well.. the remainder of the cucumber. She'd gotten a little carried away with the knife as she cursed Addison with every breath for breaking Mark. She never really talked about her friendship with Mark with anyone, mostly out of respect to Meredith. But she always had a soft spot for him. After all, he was the one that was broken the most. At least the way she saw it. She was sure that point could be argued, but that didn't matter because she'd never say it out loud.

"It's Mer and O'Malley!" Alex called out and before Izzie could plaster on a smile, Meredith had made her way into the kitchen.

"Hey Iz." Meredith smiled as she gave the blonde a sideways hug. The smile faded as she looked down to see the nearly smashed cucumber. "Everything ok?" She raised her eyebrow curiously at her friend before stepping back. "And since when do you cook for poker night?"

Izzie winced at both of her questions. She nodded her head in accordance with the first one before shrugging her shoulders to the second. "I may have forgotten that was tonight." She bit her bottom lip as she glanced nervously towards Meredith, who just seemed confused.

"Oh. Well, we can go." She offered. She wasn't really in the mood anyway, it was just a tradition.

"No. It's okay. I'll go order the pizza now." She smiled as best she could before turning away and leaving the room in search for a phone, leaving Meredith alone in the kitchen.

"Awkward." Meredith mouthed as she eyed the cucumber, if she could call it that still. She grabbed a rag to clean it up when there was another knock on the door. She smiled genuinely as she sat back down the rag to go let her person in. "I'll get it!" she called out, making a dash through the living room to answer the door, not even looking through the hole.

"About damn ti-." Meredith was surprised to say the least. "Mark." She said breathlessly as she looked around to remind herself she was, in fact, at the Karevs. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh. Um. Well. I was looking for Izzie." He mumbled, shuffling his feet nervously. There was something about Meredith that always made him feel ashamed of his feelings for Addison. He knew that she didn't try, if she even knew at all, but she still had that effect on him.

"Oh. Well alright. Come in. I'll go get her." She smiled faintly as she stepped out of the way, watching him walk into the living room as if he'd done it tons of times before. Had he done that many times and she not know?

"Hey Karev." Mark offered a faint smile towards him before nodding at George. "Oh. I can. Um. Go. I just. You know. I'll see her tomorrow. It's okay." Mark mumbled as he glanced nervously at the crowding room. He didn't remember seeing cars outside. Didn't anyone drive anymore?

"It's okay, Mark." Meredith finally chimed in as she felt Alex's and George's eyes on her. "We're just waiting for Cristina anyway. You know her, can't ever be on time to anything but to work." She grinned as she stepped closer to him, close enough that she could whisper in his ear. "Besides, we're friends now right?"

He could feel her hand on his shoulder firmly, the only thing telling him he wasn't just imagining it. "Right." He nodded, forcing a smile.

Izzie walked into the room just in time to see mark watch Meredith walk away, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was seeing Meredith at that moment or not. "Sloan. Hey." She couldn't manage to muster a smile, because she still hadn't gotten over the days events herself. He must be reeling.

"Can we talk?" He asked, keeping his eyes focused on Izzie. He didn't want to see the awkward glances between Meredith and George.

"Is everything alright?" Meredith asked when no one spoke, not even Izzie.

"Fine." Izzie finally nodded towards Meredith before walking towards the door. "We can talk outside, Mark." She nodded before making her way over the threshold, not even waiting for Mark to follow her.

"Can today BE any weirder?" George muttered as he relaxed into the couch.

"I.. I don't think so." Meredith shook her head, still trying to figure out why Mark had come to talk to Izzie!

----

Cristina was late. Again. It was the second time that day she'd been late, and both times it was Max's fault. She was going to have to do something about that. About him. He'd gotten so clingy. She didn't do clingy. She hated clingy. She'd dumped guys for being clingy. How had she gotten engaged to a clingy one? She'd finally made it to the Karevs, and all she wanted to do is forget that she was engaged, and beat O'Malley in poker so bad that she got his paycheck. Yes. That is what she wanted.

She was nearly to the porch before she realized that Izzie and Mark were outside. It seemed odd, but somehow it didn't set off any alarms, so she kept walking straight to the door. It was halfway open before she took another take at the twos proximity, and shut the door again. "Why are you here?" She hadn't actually meant to sound rude, she just wanted to know. As a mayor, she didn't really have to sound polite. That cockiness had slipped into her personal life too. But poker night wasn't open to the public. She needed to vent. And she needed to vent to people that wouldn't judge her for venting. Not that Mark would, but she didn't trust him. Not anymore. They'd been friends at one point, but when Meredith left, she cut ties with him. Well, she cut ties with Derek, and therefore Mark got cut due to association.

"Just go inside, Cristina." Izzie sighed, not wanting to go into detail with her right then. Ever really. Cristina had never really been Izzie's favorite person. They got along well enough for the group, but they didn't make an extra effort for each other. Although, she didn't think Cristina made an effort for anyone except maybe Meredith, so she wasn't

that insulted.

"Since when do you two talk?" Cristina raised her eyebrows curiously. Surely Izzie wasn't dumb enough to cheat on Alex on HIS front porch. No, she couldn't be that dumb.

"Since always. Meredith is waiting for you. Go!" Izzie pointed to the door, hoping that Meredith, in fact, had something to tell her.

Cristina narrowed her eyes on the two of them, but reluctantly left them alone. She really did need to talk to Meredith.

"Has she always been such a hardass?" Mark wondered out loud, eliciting a laugh from Izzie.

"Always."


	35. Chapter 35

Derek had once again found himself riding around town in his old truck. He'd thought of taking the sheriff car, at least pretending he had a purpose, but he knew as well as the town that there was no reason for him to be on duty at night. He was on his third trip past the neighborhood when he finally decided to turn in. It wouldn't hurt just to make sure that she was okay, right? It wasn't like he was stalking her. He was just checking to make sure she was okay. He was the Sheriff! It was his job!

In a matter of two turns, he'd passed her house to find that she wasn't home. He sighed, deciding that it was probably best that she wasn't home, therefore not being able to know about his, what some would call, stalking ride by. He had an idea of where she was at, but he was trying his best to fight the urge to do it. In a small town, when a group of adults get together on a normal basis, the tradition is eventually spoken of in public. Mostly at church when he could hear old ladies ranting on how the citizens spent their Monday nights with alcohol. It didn't take a scientist to realize who they were narrowing their eyes at.

He'd never been able to make it to their crowd, even when they were younger. He, obviously, was close to Meredith, and he had the occasional conversation with the other members of the group, but he'd never once been invited to their hang outs. Mark had been on occasion, seeing as how he was the boyfriend. He'd always been envious of him when those nights occurred.

Before he knew it, he was there, and for the life of him, he couldn't remember even turning onto their road. Not that it was hard, they did live in the same neighborhood, that consisted of only six streets total. He wasn't surprised to see Izzie standing on the porch, nor was he surprised that their was a faint sound of music filtering in from the inside along with a soft cry of Annie. The only thing that surprised him was who Izzie was standing on the porch with, and the familiar car in the driveway.

Mark. Mark was there. Mark was at the group's gathering. Again. Why was he there? Who had invited him? Had Izzie felt THAT sorry for him? Given, Mark's day hadn't been the best, but it wasn't that bad either.

By then, he had completely stopped his car a couple houses down the street to watch what happened. He knew that he should leave, that it wasn't normal to do that. It was pretty close to illegal, but yet he couldn't bring himself to shift the gear back to drive. What bothered him more than anything is that Mark hadn't told him he was going. Given, he didn't lie, because he hadn't asked him, but still.

He watched on as Mark nearly had another breakdown, and finally guilt washed over him. He was clearly just there to see Izzie. After taking a deep breath, he finally took his car out of park. He'd only taken his eyes away for a moment. A single moment and she had appeared. She was now hugging Mark. He, once again, found himself jealous of Mark and his relationship with Meredith. His fists automatically tightened around the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white by the time the embrace ended. They were still standing entirely too close for his comfort. He wanted to get out of his car right then and just punch him. Would that be so awful? Okay. So technically, she was single, and Mark's ex, but she had been the love of his life at one point. Did that not count for something? Because he was certain it should!

He knew that it didn't though. He'd let her down. They all pretty much hated him. He didn't care though. They couldn't hate him anymore than he had hated himself. He'd made the right decision, though. He couldn't imagine his life without Tommy, and he had enjoyed his time with his wife. He'd loved her too. He'd never believed it was possible to love two women at the same time, but he had. Maybe that's why he kept pushing back the time he was going to call it off. Every time he was with her, he was just so happy. Well as happy as you can be with someone that you've cheated on, and feel really guilty about. He, of course, never told Meredith that though. Mostly because every time he was with her, he'd completely forget about Cinny all together.

He shook the thoughts away long enough to see Mark walk off the porch, leaving the two women to watch sadly as he made his way to the car. He wondered vaguely if Mark was going to tell him about this. He doubted it. He doubted Mark would even talk to him the next day. He wasn't even sure Mark would talk to anyone. After Mark pulled away from the house, he watched as Meredith led Izzie back into the house, and a moment later he heard a loud laughter coming from inside.

Yes, he decided, she was, in fact, okay. With a tiny smile on his face, he drove away from the house, certain that no one knew of his momentary lapse in sanity. With no more detours to make, Derek finally went home.


	36. Chapter 36

**Such a lonely boy, couldn't find the joy within.  
Such a lonely girl, such a lonely world we're living in.  
I watch it all go by.  
Can't find a tear to cry.  
A tear to cry. **

Mark left the Karev residence with a new found calmness. He knew what he had to do. Izzie had made it perfectly clear to him. Addison wasn't going to change her mind. There was a wall. A wall between Addison and everyone else. Probably even Izzie. Most likely.

Although his mind had been clustered with Addison the entire day, he couldn't help but let it wonder to Meredith while driving. She'd been there for him. As a friend. It all seemed so fast and surreal, yet so normal. He supposed that's how it began in the beginning. They'd been best friends since they could write their names in a straight line. He was twelve when she'd told him she wished she had a different last name, and he'd offered to share his. Neither of them knew then, at least he didn't, that he'd fall in love with her. He was fifteen the first time he kissed her. He'd watched a movie, and the entire movie he couldn't help but think of Meredith in a new light. He'd snuck out of his house that night, two hours after she left, and climbed into her window. He could tell she wanted to yell at him, but she'd hugged him instead. She didn't even ask why he was there, and he'd taken that as a good sign. She'd already crawled into bed, turned off the lights, and let him tuck her in when he got up the courage to kiss her. She, of course, slapped him almost immediately and told him he should leave. It was another two years before she kissed him in the rain after one of their fights. He'd been at a gig. He was the drummer for a local band, and apparently Meredith felt that he was leading on the singer. He'd pointed out that who he hit on didn't matter, and that's when she'd done it. He'd thought she was going to slap him, but she didn't. She pulled him to her with both of her hands, and kissed him. Past that night, it all seems like a blur. They'd seemed happy enough. They'd been careful not to destroy the friendship. At least, he'd thought. It'd been hard for him to give up his flirty nature, but he'd done it for her. No more blatant hitting on teachers, or swooning girls. He'd been completely faithful. He'd never imagined she would be the one to cheat on him. But she had. It was like a slap in the face, harder than any hand could ever force against him. But tonight had felt like he had his friend back. She wasn't Meredith, the girl that broke his heart, she was just Mer, the girl that he chased the ice cream truck with when he was little, and laughed with about all the gawking girls. It was nice.

He had only been to her place a handful of times, but it wasn't like it was out of his way. In fact, in comparison to Derek's house, she lived pretty close to him. He sat in his car for a good fifteen minutes before he had the nerve to walk up the walkway. He didn't even care that she'd probably seen him, and probably had no intention to open the door . He had to try. For his own sanity, he had to try!

**It's so obvious how they need each other.  
They want and bleed and hurt but they keep it covered. **

**Until it's one big lie. **

**They can't stay alone cause they fear goodbyes, well, they fear goodbyes. **

**They fear goodbyes. **

By the time he made it to her door, he'd pumped himself up. He was ready for anything that she could throw at him. Physically or otherwise, he noted with a small smile. He quickly wiped it away as the door swung open after it was knocked on barely once. "Mark." She sighed, wrapping her robe around her body just a little tighter as his eyes wondered over her skin. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk." He was surprised how quickly she stepped back, allowing him to enter. He'd expected her to fight him at the doorway. It wasn't big enough of a shock to stop him from entering though, just enough to make him smile on the way in.

"I don't know what else there is to say." She sighed, pausing momentarily in the middle of her living room before she realized, once again, that she was still in a robe, and he was staring! She was thankful that he wasn't touching, though. Because she really wasn't sure she'd be able to fight him off again.

"You called it a mistake. You called ME a mistake!" His eyes darted away from her as he said the words, unable to look at her as he said the words that'd nearly destroyed him. It wasn't the first time someone in his life had told him he was a mistake, after all, he was an unplanned pregnancy to begin with, but it seemed so much worse when she said it. Because he cared what she thought.

"I didn't mean it like that." She frowned, slowly making her way to the couch and sat beside him, knowing that it probably wasn't her brightest idea, but not being able to stop herself from doing so. She had hurt him. She had hurt the one person who'd she'd spent so much time and effort to avoid hurting. None of it was his fault, and she hated that. She wish she could say he got what he deserved, but he didn't.

She didn't deserve his affection though, and that's the only thing that kept her fighting. He deserved so much more than her- a fake. A fake name made up of a color-dye box and acrylic nails. The only thing that he really knows about her is the sound of her laugh. She never could fake that with him. "Mark. You have to believe me. None of this is your fault!" She tries to make him understand with her eyes, but she quickly realizes that he's not going to meet her pleading gaze.

"I shouldn't have acted like that. I wasn't.. I didn't think you would come after me. You have every right to like her, or anyone else. I didn't.. I don't have the right to make you feel guilty for that." She fights the urge to grab his hand. Mixed signals were not good. She'd done enough of that for one day. He'd come to her house though. He was sitting on her couch. And he was sad. Friends hold hands. She held Izzie's hand. Why was it so wrong to hold his hand? Because you freaking kissed him, Addison, she berated herself silently.

Nothing. He said nothing, and she was quickly getting irritated. He'd come to her! He obviously had something to say, and he wasn't saying it. "Mark!" She nearly yelled, positioning her feet flatly on the ground so she wouldn't jump up and start pacing. Lowering her voice after a deep breath, she continued. "Mark.. you came here. You have to talk to me. I need you to talk to me."

**He don't say much, when there ain't much to say. **

**She waits for his response, she waits all day. **

**The world keeps spinning in a silent scream **

**and I keep waking in these dying dreams.**

He'd walked up to her door with such a force, such a passion to talk to her, and now that he was on her couch, and she was in her robe, he couldn't think of a single word to say to her. What was there left to say, really? He couldn't remember anymore. All he could think about is how nice it'd be if she put some clothes on, or took some off. Either way, it was just cruel for her to be sitting next to him in a robe, expecting him to do nothing! Mean. Cruel. Hurtful. Painful. Abusive punishment! Abuse is what it was!

"Mark.. Please. I just.."

"Just stop, Addison." He cut her off finally, not being able to hear her beg anymore. "I had so much to say when I came over. I had this new outlook and everything. And I was going to let you.. Let this.. go. I had all of it figured out. The speech, it was all in my head. And now I'm sitting here, and you're here, and I can't even think of a single word  
of it because you are here. You are here in a robe in your living room, and it's driving me crazy. You.. You're driving me crazy! Okay. I'm not this guy. I'm not the guy that shows up randomly at people's houses to make speeches. I don't get upset easily, and I don't yell. I hate yelling. My dad yelled enough at me to last a lifetime. But I want.. I need to yell at you. I need you to see what you're doing to me. I'm coming undone, and I sound like a crazy person, and I don't care! Is that what you want to hear? Does that make you satisfied? You are my undoing." He hadn't even looked at her the entire time, not one single time did his eyes move from the magazine on the coffee table. He couldn't look at her because as soon as he did, he would lose his drive.

Tears were escaping the corner of her eyes before he finished, and she hated herself for it. She was suppose to be strong, she had to be strong to stop either of them from getting more hurt, but she couldn't figure out how to become detached when a guy tells you that you are his undoing. What possible response could she have?

"I'm sorry." She finally responded weakly, knowing how pathetic was the moment it passed her lips. She watched as he winced, but she didn't attempt to correct her statement. It wouldn't have done any good for either of them. She was certain of it.

"That means nothing to me." He stated it as if it was a common fact, but she could hear the pain behind his words, and all she could do was cry more.

"What do you want me to say, Mark? That I'm coming undone? Because I am! You aren't the only one! But this.. I can't do this now. I just can't!"

"Why? WHY can't you do 'this' now?" He glared at her, using his fingers to quote her wording.

"The timing is all wrong." She mumbled weakly, refusing to give him any useful information. It was better he didn't know. She'd convinces herself of that years ago, and it wasn't going to change now.

"Damn it!" His outburst was overpowered by a bolt of lightening followed quickly by the thunder, too quickly for either of them to like. "Great. Just great. Now it storms." He ran his hands roughly over his face before they moved up into his hair.

"That doesn't sound good." She frowned glancing over to the window and realized it was pouring, how had she not noticed that?

"Perfect ending to the perfect day." He rattled off sarcastically, digging the palms of his hands into his eyes.

"I hate storms." She frowned, wrapping her arms securely around herself, bracing herself for the inevitable next strike.

"I'm sure it won't last long." He smiled sadly at her once he took in her frazzled appearance. He hated storms as much as the next person, but she seemed entirely too afraid.

"Thanks." She spoke faintly, darting her eyes to the floor to avoid his piercing gaze.

******I asked her for the time, **

******she said the timing was off. **

******But I got this pain inside she said it's all you've got. **

******I got this feeling that life is passing me by, **

******I'm a couple of years late but I, I'm here tonight. **

******I'm here tonight, well, I'm here tonight. **

"Is there ever going to be a good time for 'us', Addi?" He knew the answer before the question left his lips, but he had to ask for his own piece of mind. He needed to hear her say it. He needed the pain to be all too real again. It was easy to forget the day of hell he'd been through when he was with her. He needed to be reminded, he needed a reason to walk out of the door.

"Probably not." She whispered, hating herself for being honest. It wasn't right to give him false hope though, to give herself false hope. She cared too much to do that. She cared more than she would ever admit.

"I love you, Addison." He genuinely smiled at her for a moment before allowing his hand to grab onto hers. He knew she was going to protest, so he forged on without giving her a chance. "Don't tell me how I feel. I know that I love you, because I said it knowing I was going to get nothing in return. But don't think that just because I'm not expecting a response that I don't know what you'd say if you'd let yourself. I know that you love me, Addison. I know it and so do you. I don't know why you don't want me.." He trailed off, taking a deep breath to gather his bearings before continuing, this time extending his free hand to cover her lips to keep her from talking.

"Just let me finish." He demanded softly, waiting for a nod before continuing. "I don't know why you don't want to be with me, and I will probably never know because you don't let anyone past the 9,000 walls you have surrounding you. And that's okay. Because at the end of the day, when the rest of the world has put you and your diner out of mind, I never will. Nothing you can ever do or say will ever change the way I feel about you right now, or ever." His hand finally left her lips, moving sideways towards her cheek, brushing his thumb along her jawline.

"You're the only person I've ever loved." He grinned, ignoring the ache in his chest as he admitted the words. It was the first time he'd ever admitted, out loud anyway, that he didn't feel the same way about Meredith that he felt about Addison. He had thought he was in love with Meredith, and he had loved her, but he knew without a doubt that he hadn't felt like that. "When I lost Meredith, I could have tried to fight for her. I could have probably beaten Derek to a pulp, and never spoken to him again.. and I could have found her somehow. It wouldn't have been easy, but there are ways. But I didn't. And I know that. But this is different, because there is no one that I can fight for you with. It's your demons inside your head. And it kills me to know that there's nothing I can do."

"Mark.." She pouted, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. It was so hard to be cold when he was pouring out his heart to her. She was amazed that he would, knowing she wasn't going to make him feel any better. Anything she could say was only going to make it worse. She felt she owed him something though, Anything.

"I need you to know that I would though. I would fight forever for one moment with you."

Every wall of defense she had crumbled as she looked into his eyes. How could she NOT say or do something to that. She was strong, but she wasn't invincible.

****

******He don't say much, when there ain't much to say. **

******She waits for his response, she waits all day. **

******The world keeps spinning in a silent scream **

******and I keep waking in these dying dreams. **

Without thinking, her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him into an instantly deep kiss. As soon as she realized what she'd done, she knew it was a bad idea. She knew she was going to find herself in trouble all over again, but this time, there was no one to save her, and she was, quite frankly, tired of saving herself. She on her back with one of his hands underneath her head when she finally opened her eyes, thankful that he pulled away slightly, even if it was just for air.

"I need you to say something, Mark.." She whispered, closing her eyes again to enjoy the feel of his hand running lines on the inside of her robe. It'd been entirely too long since she'd felt a mans hands on her skin, making it even harder for her to draw a line. She wanted this so badly. She realized right then that she wouldn't be stopping it this time. He'd said too many things right and nothing wrong, and she was finally giving in.

It seemed as though an eternity passed before he even seemed to acknowledge that she'd spoken, and as if in a snap of a finger, the moment was gone. He slowly lifted himself off of her, standing completely off the couch, pacing back and forth in the room. She watched in shock as the scene unfolded. How had that happened?

"I can't." He finally spoke once he stopped long enough to actually look at her. "I thought I could.. but I can't. I can't just have one moment.. or one night with you. I need so much more. I need weeks.. months.. years.. I need freakin' forever! OKAY!" He yelled, his hands tensely putting at his hairs roots. "Why can't you just let me love you, Addison?"

"I.. I don't know what to say." She cried as she brought herself into sitting position, tightening her robe once again.

"Nothing. You don't have to say anything. I have to go." He nodded his head quickly before turning around and heading for the door. He was in his car before he let himself stop. If she'd called after him, he hadn't heard her, but he hadn't expected her to. There wasn't anything to say, she wasn't going to let him get near to her like he wanted to. It was better that he left. He'd always want more. He looked up long enough to realize that it was still pouring outside, and it wasn't really a smart idea for him to drive. He looked down at his clothes to find that he was soaked. He'd been so caught up in his utter rejection that he hadn't even noticed the rain. "Damn it." He muttered, leaning his head forwards onto the steering wheel, closing his eyes for some sort of clarity. He missed clarity.

****

******Such a lonely boy, such a lonely girl. It's such a lonely world **

A knock on the window knocked him out of his peaceful moment, causing him to shoot up, just missing a head banging against the head rest. "What do you want?" He muttered, cranking up the car so that he could roll down his window a little. "What?" He asked again a little louder so that she could hear him over the rain.

"You can stay here. The storm is bad. Come inside." She stated it as more of a command than an offer, but he was smart enough to obey. Nodding his head, he rolled back up his window and grabbed his keys from the ignition before slowly opening his door, giving her ample time to move. He watched as she ran back inside, huddling under the black umbrella in her hands. He walked a little slower, not quite willing to run to be back inside of her apartment. It inevitably happened though, a sigh escaping his lips as she shut the door behind him and locked it three times. "I'll get you a blanket." She spoke quietly, shaking the water that'd gotten in her hair out as best as she could.

"Thanks."


	37. Chapter 37

**This ain't where the road comes to an end  
This ain't where the bandwagon stops  
This is just one of those times when  
A lot of folks jump off  
When the water's high  
When the weather's not so fair  
When the well runs dry  
Who's gonna be there?**

**You find out who your friends are **

**Tracy Lawrence**

It wasn't too long before the alcohol had taken it's course on the groups emotions. Compared to their normal gatherings, it was fairly quite, minus the necessary poker talk. Each consumed with their own thoughts, and not sure how to verbalize them. Finally Izzie broke the silence.

"This is weird, right? Why is it so weird?" She glanced around the table at the people that had gathered her an uncountable number of times before, and yet she felt out of place, in her own house.

"It's not weird, Iz." Alex countered, not really wanting to get into all of it, not until he had more alcohol. He could tell that a lot more alcohol would be needed.

"No. It is." Meredith decided to finally speak, trying to gather all of her thoughts at the same moment as she flashed her gaze across the table. "Has this not been the weirdest week or what?"

"I'm engaged." Cristina finally blurted out, thankful that it was out. She was tired of being quite. She didn't even know why she had been quiet about it, minus to Meredith of course, but she had been. It was as if a burden had been lifted, and she was finally able to smile.

"Seriously?" George couldn't help himself. Cristina? Engaged? What kind of alternate universe had he been thrown in that Cristina was getting married and Meredith was being civil to Mark and fighting with Derek. He WORKED with Cristina. How did he not know that? They spent hours and hours together every day. Clearly he needs to pay more attention.

"Don't make me fire you, Bambi!" She warned, narrowing her eyes on him for a moment before cracking a small smile.

"We haven't even met this guy, and you're engaged! That's crazy, Cristina. Even for you!" Izzie wasn't sure what to say, so she said the only thing she could think of. It was true. They'd heard about him for so long, yet none of them had met him. At least she hadn't.

"Mer's met him! She likes him. Right Mer?" Cristina spoke quickly, making sure to stomp her toe so that she would say yes whether it was true or not.

"He seems nice enough." Meredith replied, even though she really wasn't sure what to think of him. He was so strange. She plastered a grin on her face as she repaid the painful payment to Cristina.

"See!" Cristina grimaced, vowing to get her back for that.

"You two are so strange." Izzie rolled her eyes as she looked at Alex, who hadn't said anything. "Why are you so quiet, babe?"

"I'm not." He shook his head, glancing up from the cards in his hands. "She's been with the guy forever, it's not shocking." He shrugged his shoulders, wishing to get back to the game. This is what he gets for hanging with a bunch of girls... and George.

"Told you." Meredith grinned at Cristina quickly before straightening up, she didn't want to get stomped again.

"Any other life changing decisions I should know about?" Izzie asked sarcastically, well sort of. She was hoping Meredith would explain what had changed in the last week, but she wasn't about to pry if it wasn't invited.

"Mark and I.. we are friends, again." Meredith finally offered, knowing that it was exactly what Izzie wanted to talk about. She should have known she'd get the third degree.

"Why?" George asked, not happy with the new revelation. He didn't even know why he didn't like it, he just knew that Meredith always found herself lost in their world, and it always resorted in her leaving. He didn't want to lose his friend again.

"Why not?" Meredith wasn't surprised by George's obvious disapproval, but there wasn't going to be anything to change her mind. She needed this. He didn't have to understand it, he just had to accept it.

"Because last time, you skipped town!" He nearly yelled, wanting to stand up to prove his point,but he fought the urge.

"Let's not go there again, George. She's here. That's all that matters. It's not like she's dating Mark, they are just friends."

"Thank you Iz." Meredith smiled softly at her friend, not meeting George's gaze.

"Who's turn is it again?" Alex asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Mine." Iz grinned as she looked down at her hand. She was So going to win this hand. She casually looked down at her chips, debating on how much to bet, after all, it was still too early to go all in.

"Sorry." George muttered, glancing quickly at Meredith who nodded at him.

"Grow a back bone, George. Seriously." Cristina shook her head at him, as if disgusted by him. She'd been proud when he'd spoken up, but of course he backed down. As always.

"You're just mad that you aren't having sex right now." Meredith laughed, sticking out her tongue.

"At least I have sex!" She retorted, watching in complete amusement as Meredith's face turned THE brightest shade of red she'd ever seen. It was First class entertainment.

"I don't need sex." Meredith finally answered, but it wasn't fast enough, and the entire table burst out laughing. It wasn't her fault she worked with a bunch of kids all day! And she couldn't go out with parents of her students, that would be wrong in more ways than one. Mostly ethical. Plus they were almost all married, and she would NOT be the other woman again. Not now. Not again. "I hate you." She glared at her best friend before finally shaking her head. "Are we going to play poker or are we going make fun of me? What's it gonna be, people?" She fought the grin threatening to plaster across her face.

"Oh. We are TOTALLY going to make fun of you, Mer." Alex laughed before taking another shot. The night had good possibilities after all.


	38. Chapter 38

_**Hey! Sorry for the delay. Life just doesn't like settling down, I don't guess. This is super short, I know, but the next chapter is really long! So HOPEFULLY that will amke up for it, and it's finished, so it should be up soon. And I have two one shots that will be posted before Christmas. Look out for those!!**_

_**love!!! Happy Holidays!! **_

**Sky on top  
Rain behind me  
And there's no looking back  
My heart racing by the minutes  
Days get lost an then your in it  
Hold my hand  
Lets just chill a bit  
see what lies ahead  
Alexz Johnson**

Frank's house was possibly as loud as it'd ever been as the sounds of his laughter echoed the halls, along with Samii's. Following in his usual trend, Frank had started drinking,and since her car still had not been fixed, Samii found no reason not to join him. She didn't want to admit it yet, but she was really going to miss him when she left. He'd instantly become someone she couldn't even remember not knowing, and quite frankly, it was kind of scary. Not nearly as scary as his cleaning lady was. Her looks could kill if it was possible. Every time she entered the room, Sam felt like hiding. Frank, of course, had been completely oblivious because every time he looked at her, she smiled so brightly, you'd think she was a doll.

"What are we playing, again?" She asked sheepishly, fighting to hide the grin as he sighed over-dramatically at her, before answering. They were in the living room, sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by pillows to make it as comfortable as possible. She was sure her mother would die if she saw all of these decorative throws on the floor, being crawled over, but she figured Frank never thought of things like that. They were just pillows.

"20 questions!" He laughed as he answered the same question for the, at least, eighth time. They'd been playing for close to an hour, and they'd only made it to the twelfth question because every question would lead to a subject completely different than they'd been on. He enjoyed her randomness though, it was nice to have someone that got his sense of humor, and could return it.

"Right!" She giggled as her cheeks blushed. Clearly she'd drank more than she realized. "And who's turn is it?"

"Yours!" He rolled his eyes at her, wondering what kind of crazy question she was going to throw at him next. His smile faded as he realized hers did too.

"Are you going to miss me when I leave?" Her voice was soft and delicate and it broke his heart instantly.

"Yeah. Frank is going to miss you a lot." He whispered, taking another shot to drown the pain that'd ached his chest at the question.

"Sam is going to miss Frank, too." She frowned, casting her eyes down to the shot waiting for her. She quickly picked it up and downed it, allowing a shiver to run down her spine as it entered her system. Once she was satisfied that the shivering had stopped, she slowly crawled over to the other side of the circle of pillows to where Frank's head lay, hovering over him from the side just enough to grab his attention. She watched, pleased, as he forcefully swallowed, his eyes dancing across her lips as she licked them.

"New game." He whispered hoarsely, fighting the urge to place her falling hair behind her ear.

"What's that?" She smiled, lowering her head just a few centimeters, their noses almost brushing against each other now in an eskimo kiss.

"Frank says." He grinned, burying his head as much as possible into the pillow so that he could think coherently.

"Ok." She giggled, lowering her head again, knowing he couldn't shriek back any farther.

"Kiss me." He spoke breathlessly as he licked his lips, waiting not so patiently for her to obey his command.

She giggled at his attempt to be smooth as she shook her head, watching at his face twisted into a confused state. "You forgot to say 'Frank says'-"

"Oh well." He laughed, finally reaching up and kissing her, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her down before rolling her over onto her back. Frank didn't need to talk anymore.


	39. Chapter 39

It'd been over an hour since Derek had checked in on his sleeping son and crawled into bed. An hour since he muted his TV and allowed the flashing images to attempt to distract him from his thoughts. The thoughts he hadn't allowed to surface in longer than he cared to remember. Thoughts he didn't need to think of when he was laying in the bed he once shared with his wife. Thoughts of sacrifices made to have what they had. But now, in the silence of the night, with the memories haunting him, he couldn't but wonder if he made the right choice.

He could have gotten visiting rights with Tommy. He could have come back eventually after things were settled. There were so many things he could have done, and he hates himself for not thinking of them before. Cinny was gone. She was never coming back, and although he knew it was not her fault, he really wanted to blame her for this feeling that consumed him. He was alone. Just over thirty years old, and he was sleeping in his bed alone. It wasn't something he'd ever imagined. Lots of self discussions as to who would be beside him, but never was the answer **no one**. Never.

It wasn't just about sex either, although he was starting to feel the effects of that as well, but it was just the loving looks. He missed the way she would randomly brush her fingers through his hair, or hold on tightly to his hand as they watched a movie, as if she was just expecting something terrible to jump out, even when the movie was not suspenseful.

He missed the innocent chatter about their days, followed by soothing, yet meaningless, words that if nothing else showed they were not alone. And the kisses. The kisses good morning and the kisses good night, he missed those the most. Right as her eyes fluttered for the last of first time of the day, he would be there to witness it, and then she would reward him with simple kisses that could only be described as blissful. Then at night, just as soon as the peaceful silence filtered the room, she would lean over and kiss him goodnight, and that was his signal. His signal that all things following it she could not promise to hear, much less remember.

**So you meet her, you spin around in your car**

**The way you see her, she doesn't know you by far**

**Your halo shines bright in the night, she doesn't see**

**For all you can think about now, is how will this be**

The drive to Meredith's place that night seemed everlasting as he passed the all too familiar stop signs without so much as a second thought. It didn't matter anyway. It was past midnight, and it was a ghost town as far as anyone else was concerned. He was thankful for that as he pulled onto her street. This was by far the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, and he didn't care for anyone to see him, more than likely, have a complete total breakdown at the hands of Meredith Grey. Even if she would become a ghost to him soon enough. He didn't want to think about that. She's outside on her stairs when he pulls up. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her self with a blanket hanging loosely off her shoulders. She doesn't even look his way as he leaves his car, not that he expected her to. He was sure it hurt her to look at him, but he didn't think it could possibly be worse than how much he ached every time he looked at her.

At least she didn't have to carry around the guilt. No, she was getting off easy. Fleeing the scene like a criminal on the run. He was the accomplice that was staying to take the fall. He knew it was his fall to take though. He wasn't in complete denial of that. It wasn't until he reached the porch that he saw the two large suitcases at her feet, shattering any lingering hope that she'd changed her mind. She hadn't. She was leaving. He hated himself just a little bit more every minute for helping her do so, but could he say no?

He wants to crawl into a hole far away as she finally meets his watchful gaze, and all he can see in her eyes is worry and.. Betrayal. She was uprooting her life to get away from him- from his mistakes. She had every right to blame him. She had no one left because of him. Mark wouldn't even look at either of them, and Cinny only spoke to him about the baby.

"Hi." He frowned as she tightened the blanket around her body, blocking any view he had of anything but her tear stained face. "You ready to go?"

"More than ever." She lowered her eyes to her feet for a moment before standing up, walking right past him back to his car. He wondered vaguely where her car was, but he decided instantly that he didn't really want to know. He trudged himself over to the stairs to pick up the two heavy suitcases, and followed her out to the car as well.

He didn't bother to try to open the door for her as he had every other time he'd picked her up, he knew she would never let him do that again. He wishes she would though. He feels he owes her that. He slides into the drivers seat, and waits a moment for her to speak. He had a feeling he knew where he was taking her, but he couldn't help but to hope for somewhere else, anywhere other than the bus station. He wasn't ready for that.

"Let's go to the park." She whispered, and in an instant he was gone from the house that he'd spent countless amounts of hours at. It didn't register to him that he'd never be leaving with her again, or he would have gone slower. Much slower, snails pace even. If only he'd known she wouldn't change her mind. He drove on auto pilot to the all familiar park and waited until she got out of the car and started to head for the swings before he got out. He had so many things he needed to tell her, he just hoped she would listen, and believe him. How he needed her to believe him.

She'd already achieved a slow but steady pace on the swing by the time he caught up to her, telling him without a single word that he didn't need to, or couldn't, push her. He obeyed as he took the swing next to her, and within seconds he'd accomplished her speed inch by inch. He marveled her as the moonlight cascaded her face in the most beautiful of ways. Her long hair hung so delicately in her face that it reminded him of a porcelain doll. But he knew better, because porcelain would have broken .

She was strong, too strong even. Her tears were warm against the padding of his thumb as he wiped them away without even thinking until it was too late. He was pleasantly surprised when she didn't shove his hand away. Even more so when she seemed to lean into him. He knew he shouldn't take advantage of her momentary weakness, but he couldn't help it. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to touch her again.

**So you tell her, the things that you need her to say**

**And you hold her, but somehow she's slipping away**

**Your halo shines bright in the night, she doesn't see**

**For all she can think about now, is where will you be**

Neither of them even seemed to register as he pulled her onto his lap. She fit so perfectly that he didn't even really have to balance her. She'd always fit so perfectly, and he hated that she'd never fit again. She'd never let herself fit. He couldn't help but wonder if she was processing this at all. Probably not.

"I will always love you, Mer." He whispered it so softly into her ear that she didn't even allow herself to react. After all, he wasn't allowed to say that anymore. It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't fair to anyone. After a moment of not receiving any response, he continued, resigned with the fact that he had to get it off his chest, whether she gave him any encouragement or not.

"I never meant for this to happen. I always thought.. I always thought it'd be you, ya know? When we were older, and settled, and not sneaking around, I thought it would be you that gave me a baby. I know we never talked about kids, but that didn't mean I didn't think about it. You have to know that. You have to know that it was you. But I just, I can't abandon my baby, Meredith. I can't abandon Cinny, either. She loves me. And maybe I don't love her the way I love you, but I do love her. And right now, that's all I can think about."

He watched as tears silently cascaded down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to wipe them away as she tightened her grasp on his hands that were fastened around her waist. It wouldn't have done any good. They both knew he wasn't finished talking. More would fall. A lot more would fall, and he continued to hate himself a little more as every tear fell.

"Please don't hate me, Mer. Please. I'm doing this for you. You deserve so much. So much more than I can ever give you in this town. So much more than a screw up with a baby. I know it sounds weird, but I.. I already love that baby, Mer. That baby is mine, and it will depend on me. I have to be there. I have to make sure he's not stupid enough to let the love of his life slip right through his hands like me. I have to make sure he doesn't make the same mistakes. I have to make sure that he believes in love, and soul mates, and I want him to know that he is loved." She finally turned around slowly to face him, slipping her legs through on both sides of his waist, allowing him to support her weight as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I know." She whispered as she buried herself into his neck, allowing his skin to soak up her tears. Her tears that were shed for him. "I know, Derek." She planted a soft kiss into his neck, lingering for a moment before moving her lips up to his jaw, planting another one, eliciting a groan from his throat. She knew exactly what she was doing to him, but it was the last time she could do it, and she was going to make sure that he remembered it. That he remembered what he was giving up, what he was sending away.

Cristina had offered to take her to the bus station, but she'd declined. She needed this. They needed this. She needed him to hold her in his arms and make her forget how much she'd lost. How much she was giving up for him. For them. She had wanted to tell him so badly. She had wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs that they could have that. He could leave with her, and they could disappear into the night and be their own family. But she knew those words would never escape her lips.

**And it gets weaker and it gets weaker every time**

**You get weaker - from all that goes on in your mind**

Her lips finally met his, and she instantly tightened her legs grip on his waist, pulling him even closer to her than before. She could feel every muscle in his body twitch as their tongues met, the rest of the world instantly falling away. It didn't even matter to her that they were in public. At a park. On a kids swing. Nope. None of that mattered as she felt his hands slowly make their way underneath her shirt. His fingertips were hot against her skin, and before she knew it, her fingers were unbuttoning his shirt quickly. She was pretty sure that she tore some of them off instead of unbuttoning, but she really didn't care about his shirt.

Another moment passed, and she could feel a slight chill run down her back as the night's air breezed over her bare skin. Glancing down, she realized that both of their shirts, along with her bra, were discarded in the dirt, and she knew right then she'd have to burn them whenever she got where she was going. She'd have to burn a lot of her clothes. They'd all remind her of him, and she couldn't have that. Her eyes glanced around to find that the park was still as deserted as it was as they arrived, so with a sigh, she allowed him to unbutton her jeans, sliding them ever so gently down. She knew it was wrong. He was having a baby with another woman. Her best friend. Well, her ex best friend. It wasn't enough to stop her though as her hands trailed down from the confines of his hair to the hymn of his pants. She ran soft trails with her fingertips against his skin until she heard a growl leave his throat. With a smile on her face, she leaned in and kissed him to silence him as her hands continued to move to the zipper, lingering there until she felt his nibble of her lip become a harder bite. Giggling against him, she slowly unzipped it, enjoying every moment of his torture. She could feel his hands on her hips, more than eager to pull her closer. Her hands traveled back up to his chest slowly, being sure to mark his chest with her nails, making sure he wouldn't be able to forget this, at least until they went away. "Mer.." He groaned, deepening the kiss as encouragement to continue. Unable to torture him anymore, her hands fell back down and unfastened the belt of his jeans, quickly followed by the button keeping them together. He stood up momentarily, letting her feet touch the ground as he removed the remaining garments. He watched as a shiver ran through her body, making his last bit of self control he had left, however small it might have been, disappear into the night's air. He just didn't care about anything else anymore.

It was over much too quickly for either of their likings, but there was nothing they could do. She had a bus to catch, and a ticket that was going to take her far far away, whether he liked it or not. He watched in awe as she hurriedly threw back on the clothes, nearly putting her legs through the wrong holes, and her shirt on backwards, but by the time he stood up to help, she'd corrected herself. She was determined not to depend on him anymore, and the stern look in her eyes told him so.

**So you leave her, alone in the street in the night**

**She is crying, and no one can see in this light**

**Your halo is gone by now, you don't care**

**For all you can think about now, is how did you dare**

He watched helplessly as she walked away from his car with her bags in tow towards the bus stop. He wanted to get out and wait with her, but he had a feeling he wouldn't be welcome. She'd said her goodbyes, and it would be cruel to make her repeat them, but he wanted her to change her mind, to stay. He knew he had no right to ask her that though, because he couldn't give her what she wanted or needed.

He watched as she wiped silent tears away, even though there wasn't another person there, and the lights were so low that he could barely make out her outline, much less her features. The only sign she was there at all was the rustling of her shoes beneath her. He can tell she's waiting for him to leave, but he can't bring himself to do it until the bus arrives. He needs to see her get on the bus, to make sure she makes it okay.

He can see the headlights of it in the distance, and all he can think is that if he runs, he could make her stay. He could beg and plead on his knees, saying that he'd leave Cinny, but both knew it'd be full of promises he could never be able to keep. So he, instead, gripped tightly on the steering wheel, reminding himself of the baby that needed him. Of Cinny. He needed to think of the things keeping him in the car. He needed to leave before he made another mistake, even if it would have felt incredibly good to make.

Finally deciding he had tortured himself enough, Derek forced himself to leave the parking lot. He wouldn't even allow himself to look in the rear view mirror. It would only cause him more pain. It didn't matter what seat she took, all of them were leaving the station. Blinking back the tears that were building in his eyes, Derek roughly wiped them with the back of his hands before turning onto the main road. He had to drive away. He couldn't stay anymore. He had to let her go. With nothing else in mind except his child on the way, Derek drove home, immediately crashing into a night of fitful sleep.

**And it gets weaker it gets weaker every time**

**Still you get weaker - from all that goes on in your mind**

**So you leave her**

Derek's hand slammed against the snooze button rather hard as it finally woke him from his memory-filled slumber. Shaking his head for a moment, he had to remind himself that it was not real. He hadn't had to go through that all over again. No matter how certain he was that he had felt her skin beneath his fingertips, or how real the tears he cried had felt. In all honesty, he had probably cried in his sleep. He brought his hand to his eyes to find that they were moist and slightly swollen. Sighing, he turned his head to empty side of the bed. No one was there. Again. Digging his head back into his pillow, he closed his eyes trying to picture a happier time. A time when he had no reason to cry.

His door opened before his alarm had a chance to go off again. He smiled softly as the door slowly creaked, his son's shoes sliding against the carpeted floor. "Hey Daaaad?" His little voice echoed off the walls, causing Derek's head to lift off the pillow to find his son fully dressed, his backpack already slung over his shoulder.

"Yeah buddy?" He smiled as best he could, considering the time.

"Ready to go?" Tommy asked eagerly, opening the door wider as he made his way closer to the bed to eye his dad more closely.

"Tommy, it's 5:30 in the morning!" Derek chuckled as he leaned back, allowing room for Tommy to climb onto the bed. He watched in amusement as his son carefully placed his book bag on the floor before crawling onto the bed, being careful not to wrinkle his clothes. "You're awfully spiffied up, today." He grinned at the clothes that were practically church clothes.

Ignoring the last remark out of hopes that he'd forget, Tommy prepared his response for the first one. "Well dad, it is 5:30- four! By the time you get out of bed, shower, and feed me, I'm going to be late!" He groaned as he clasped his hands together, pleading his dad to get up.

"School doesn't start for two and a half hours!" He laughed, now even more curious as to why his son was so eager to go to school. He'd surely never been that eager. "You aren't even usually awake right now!... Why are you awake?" He raised his eyebrow skeptically at his son, watching as Tommy rolled his eyes at him before shrugging his shoulders.

"I just don't want to be late!" He pushed Derek's side playfully towards the end of the bed before climbing off the bed again. "Get up, daaaad!" Tommy whined before leaving the room.

"IT'S 5:30!" He yelled, stretching his neck to see his son shake his head down the hallway. "I don't have to be up for twenty minutes." He continued whining to himself as he dug his head back into the pillow.

"Dear, you really should get up." Ms. T smiled at her son as she stuck her head into the doorway, eying her son carefully, remembering how he used to come wake her up.

Derek's head popped up and glared playfully at his mother. "Fine, _Mom!"_ He grinned as he nodded his head. He still forgot sometimes that his mother was there. He slung the comforter off, forcing himself to plant his feet on the floor. "I still want to know why he's already dressed and ready."He pouted as he made his way to the bathroom. He'd lost twenty freaking minutes of sleep, sleep that could have been happy! He was going to be grumpy all day now. At least until he had a cup of coffee.


	40. Chapter 40

**Do you love me, do you wanna be my friend?  
And if you do, well then don't be afraid to take me by the hand  
If you want to.  
I think this is how love goes, check yes or no. **

**George Strait**

Meredith's eyes were barely open as she entered her classroom five minutes after seven. She had tons of papers to work through and only an hour to do it. She didn't even bother to look around the room as she entered, even the earliest students wouldn't show up for another forty  
minutes.

She tossed the papers on her desk before taking a very large sip of her coffee that she was still waiting to kick in. It'd been a long night. She didn't leave the poker table till sometime after 2:30, and honestly, she could still feel the alcohol in her system. She was counting on the coffee to help her survive, but so far it only made her want to go home and crawl into her bed. She hadn't even gone home yet, except tpo grab a change of clothes for work. She vowed to herself that next week, she would stop after three drinks, but even as the ache of the hangover still lingered, she knew that was a lie. She had a feeling the more she saw of Derek, the more she would be drinking. Seeing as how she was his sons teacher, she didn't see him disappearing anytime soon.

"Hi Miss Meri!" His voice made her jump, nearly spilling the coffee all over her desk. After taking a moment to take in her surroundings, Meredith's eyes landed on the little boy in the back of the room.

"Tommy?" She tried her best to sound polite as she glanced once again at her clock. "Did I know you were coming?" she asked, rackin her brain for a reason as to why he was there.

"No. I... " He blushed as he looked down at his desk.

"Is everything okay?" Meredith asked, leaving her desk to walk to the back of the room.

"Yeah. My dad just had to work early today." Tommy hung his shoulders sadly, laying his face flat on his desk.

"Oh. Well... Okay." Meredith nodded, accepting his answer quickly, she really wasn't awake enough to question him, besides she didn't want to think about Derek anymore, especially talking to his son.

"Miss Meri?" His voice was softer than it usually was, but it stopped her right before she sat down in her chair.

"Yeah?" She braced a smile as she turned back to him, hoping this wasn't going to be a long thing. She really needed to get some work done.

"I just.. I wanted to say thank you. For everything." He smiled sadly as he clasped his hands in his lap.

"You're always welcome in here, Tommy." She smiled, finally sitting down. "Is there anything you need, or are you okay?" She asked, hoping that he was okay, she really didn't want to get up until she absolutely had to.

"I'm good. Uncle Mark told me I owed him a picture today, and I haven't started on it yet." Tommy grinned again as he took out a sheet of paper from his desk and his crayons.

Meredith smiled as she thought of Mark's refrigerator, it was probably loaded with pictures Tommy had drawn. Which was so odd for her to think about because the Mark she knew never really liked kids. He'd tolerated them, but she knew he loved Tommy like he was his own. It was easy to see whenever the two were together. "A picture, huh?" She grinned as she took out a stack of papers to start on. "You know what it's going to be?"

"My dream girl." He nodded proudly, as if he already knew exactly what his dream girl looked like to a T.

"Your dream girl, huh?" She laughed, picturing the two of them having a conversation about qualities the girl must have. Knowing Mark, she figured most of them were physical. "What does she look like?" She was amused as his face flushed cherry red as he bit down on his lip hard.

"I can't tell you." He mumbled, beginning to color with his light brown crayon on the sheet of paper.

The answer caught Meredith's attention, forcing her to set down her sharpie. "Why not?" She laughed, slightly afraid of what he had in mind.

"It's a see-cret!" He insisted, hovering over the paper, blocking any chance she would have of seeing it if she got up and tried.

"I can keep a secret." She pouted as she watched him continue to draw as he shook his head.

"Fine." She surrendered, picking up the sharpie once again to resume her work.

The rest of the morning went quickly, and she was thankful that she'd finished everything she needed to in just the right amount of time. She'd peaked over at Tommy several times, and every time he was hard at work at his picture. She could feel his eyes on her sometimes, but she ignored it, figuring he would speak if he wanted her attention. She watched with amusement as he stuffed the picture into his backpack when the first student entered the classroom.

Lunch time had arrived quickly, and she was thankful because she'd promised Cristina she would meet her for lunch. She watched impatiently for the students to file out of the room and was about to leave behind them when she saw his shadow out of the corner of her eye. She cursed silently under her breath as he pulled out the colored paper once again, along with his brown paper bag. She'd somehow completely forgotten about their routine when Cristina asked her about lunch. She didn't realize it was a permanent routine. She'd thought the kids were being normal again, but maybe she hadn't been paying close enough attention. "Oh Tommy. I'm   
so sorry. I have plans for lunch today." She frowned, hoping he wouldn't take it too hard. His face fell, and although he quickly tried to put on a brave one, she could tell he was upset.

"I knew you'd get tired of me." He frowned, jamming everything from his desk into his backpack harshly.

"No! That's not it at all, buddy! I just have plans for today! I'm going to the diner with a friend. I could.. Um. I could drop you off at the station.. Or the diner." She bit her lip, imagining Cristina's face if she walked into the diner with Derek's son. It would not be an amused one. "You could eat with me there." She offered, nearly praying that he'd say no.

"Really?" His face lit up with beams of happiness at the final offer. She watched helplessly as he jumped out of his seat, grabbing his backpack as an after thought, and ran towards her and through the door.

"Great." She grimaced, locking the door before running a short sprint to catch up with him.

**Natural Disaster, Am I another casualty  
In the battle you're fighting you're your own worst enemy  
You're at war with yourself but you can't see  
I can't stand to watch your comet coming past  
Everywhere you go, It seems the lightning strikes and then you crash  
I don't know how you do it, It always ends the same  
Everywhere you go it seems the lightning strikes  
But there's no rain, Feel like you're moving in slow motion  
And you don't know where you're going  
Tried it all but it's too boring  
Tighten up your grip 'cause it's a long way down **

**Natural Disaster, Alexz Johnson**

Derek was alone at the station. Mark had called out for the first time ever, and the only thing stranger than that was that he didn't even give a reason. He'd left a message at some point in the night on his cell phone saying he wouldn't be in. Derek had tried calling him, but he'd turned off his cell, another thing Mark never did. He didn't really know what to make of the situation. He hadn't seen him since the night before when he'd spotted him accidentally at the Karev's. He knew that he was upset about Addison, but he hadn't expected him to call out of work. Mark didn't get out of shape for women, it just didn't happen. It was lunch time now, and Derek was starving. He knew he was being stubborn and juvenile in not wanting to go eat at diner alone but it didn't stop him from scrolling through his address book for someone to call. Of course there was no one he wanted to eat lunch with. He could go home and make a sandwich, but then he'd have to explain to his mom why Mark wasn't at work, and that wasn't something he felt like doing.

After hearing his stomach growl for the eight thousandth time, he finally decided to brace the diner alone. He reasoned that it probably wasn't nearly as weird as he was making it out to be in his head. People eat alone all the time. He was just spoiled.

The diner was almost to maximum capacity when he walked in, and he was thankful that there was one barstool open, because otherwise the only booth left was one taken by Cristina, and he really did not want to share a booth with her. Not today- not ever. He took his seat before glancing around to find Addison. After several moments and still no sign of Addison, Derek realized that there was clattered noises coming from the kitchen and hardly anyone had been served. He got off the stool to walk back there to offer help when he saw Tommy run through the door, followed closely by an out of breath Meredith.

"Tommy!" She called out the little boy's name before he could dash into the booth with Cristina. She had hoped for a much more graceful approach, but she could tell quickly by his enthusiasm that she was not going to have any time to explain to Cristina the circumstances. She could already feel Cristina's eyes on her and all she could manage was a mouthed "sorry" before she heard Derek's voice.

"Tommy?" Meredith watched as Derek's voice made Tommy stop dead in his tracks. Derek. She cursed under her breath. Of course he would be there. Now she was going to have to talk to him and explain Tommy to Cristina. Damn.

Tommy slowly turned around to face his father, who was already slowing suggesting him to get closer to him with his finger, that was pointing at his feet. He bowed his head as he trudged to Derek, his eyes already reddening with unshed tears.

"Hi dad." He mustered, glancing over to Meredith who had already taken a seat in her booth. He was now almost glad, almost, that his dad had been there, because the Mayor had always kind of scared him. If he had known that she was Meredith's friend, he might have had a different attitude about coming. He really didn't see how they were friends. Meredith was so nice and pretty, and the Mayor- well she just glared at him a lot. Even at his dad! The Sheriff!

"Why aren't you with Braiden and his mom?" Derek glanced around the diner, it hadn't even occurred to him that Tommy might have lunch then too. He finally found the pair sitting in the corner at a table for two, clearly they were not expecting Tommy's company.

"I wanted to stay in the class to finish Markie's drawing." Tommy answered, being at least partially honest.

"So why did you come with Me- your teacher?" He asked, not quite understanding what exactly was going on.

"She had plans." Tommy pouted as he stuck out his lower lip. "So she invited me here."

Derek glanced over to Meredith to find that she was watching them with a worried expression. He really didn't know what to think about this. Kneeling down to be level with Tommy, Derek lifted his son's chin to meet his gaze. "Is this the first time you've skipped lunch, Tommy?"

"Hey Kiddo! Haven't seen you in forever! I missed you!" Addison's voice registered in his ears just as he saw Tommy's eyes go wide with panic.

"Well I guess that answers THAT question." Derek turned around to face Addison. Was he the ONLY one that didn't know about Tommy's play lunches? "Will you watch Tommy for a sec, Addi?" Derek barely gave her a chance to respond before he lifted Tommy onto the chair, giving him a look that nearly dared him to move from there an inch.

Addison simply nodded as she watched Derek stalk off to Meredith's table. Shaking her head, she focused her attention on Tommy, who was wearing a gloom expression. "Sorry bud." She frowned as she leaned over to pat his head. "I'll get you some food. On me." She winked at him before quickly walking away to make a grilled cheese for the little boy.

**And you remain a promise unfulfilled  
I ask you for more but you push me away  
And if we feel the silence, Holding this all inside  
Everything means more now than words could explain  
And if we feel the silence Holding this all inside us  
Looking for something more to say I don't know where I'm going  
Only know where I been but you move through my soul like a hurricane wind  
We've been so lost for so long I don't know how to get back again  
And we're drowning in the water That flows under this bridge  
When you're fighting the current You forget how to live  
And I wanted to reach you but I don't know where to begin  
And you remain A promise unfulfilled until today**

**Feel The Silence, Goo Goo Dolls **

Meredith only allowed herself a moment to watch the interaction of the father and son before rushing to Cristina's booth. She'd hoped silently that Cristina would let her slide this one time from explaining, but it was clear from the unamused expression on Cristina's face that she was not going to have such a luxury.

"Spill it." Cristina skipped right past the greeting as soon as Meredith sat down. She really didn't understand Meredith's need to help the kid. He was nearly the single handed reason why she had to leave Braxton. Given, she was already long gone by then to California, she still didn't understand it. Meredith really loved Braxton, and she'd left because of him. Because Cinny was pregnant with him.

"He was in the room, Cristina. What was I suppose to do? Lock him inside?" Meredith tried her best to underplay how much she actually liked Tommy's company. He reminded her of Cinny in a lot of ways, and a part of her had to believe that if Tommy liked the person she'd become, Cinny would have too. It was the only way. Cristina was her best friend, hands down, but they had a very different relationship than the one she had with Cinny.

"Why not?" Cristina bit back, annoyed as Meredith watched the duo compulsively.

"Oh. I don't know. Didn't want to get fired, I guess." Meredith rolled her eyes, knowing that Cristina meant no harm. If anything, she knew Cristina was looking out for her in her own Cristina way, but Meredith didn't need protecting, at least not from Tommy. Derek, on the other hand, she could definitely use some interference in that area. Especially now that he was glaring at her. She hadn't done anything wrong! He didn't need to be looking at her that way. She quickly looked back towards Cristina, ignoring Derek as best she could.

"Meredith.." Cristina sighed, really not wanting to say what she felt she had to say. "He can't give you the forgiveness you're looking for." She frowned, squirming as she felt the urge to hug her friend, but it quickly faded. She felt sorry for her, but she was not about to hug her- in public no less! "You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it." Cristina shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed a menu and covered her face. "Dad alert." She muttered, just in time for Derek to reach the table.

"Can I speak to you, Meredith?" He spoke swiftly, glancing quickly to Cristina's covered face before looking back at Meredith. "Outside."

"Um. Sure." Meredith nodded, sliding out of the booth, giving Cristina a glare for what she'd said, knowing that she wouldn't be able to comment back. She lifted her chin bravely as she followed Derek out of the diner and around the corner to where there were no windows.

"What is going on?" He asked, trying his absolute best not to yell. He wasn't even sure why he was so angry. Clearly Tommy had enjoyed spending time with her. A thought occurred to him that he was really more jealous of his son than anything else, but he rid that thought immediately. He was NOT jealous of his ten year old son. That was absurd.

"Derek.." Meredith began, but was quickly stopped as he lifted his finger at her. She waited for him to continue, but the words never came as he covered his face with his hands.

"I.. I don't understand. Are you tutoring him? Are you .. Do you feel sorry for him? What would possess you to spend your lunch time with my son? For that matter, how many times have you spent your lunch with him?"

"Calm down, Derek." Meredith demanded. She knew he had every right to ask those questions, and she knew he deserved answers, but she had no patience for his angry expressions and exasperated sighs. "It's the second week of school, I am not tutoring him. Although, with what he's going through, tutoring MIGHT not be such a bad idea. It would keep him focused." She paused a moment to let the suggestion sink in before continuing. "I feel sorry for him that he has to go through losing his mother. Maybe you've forgotten, but I know what it feels like to lose a parent." She glared at him, hating him for reminding her of her father's death when she was so young. A bond the two of them had once shared now seemed to make her want to run even farther away from him. "I do not pity him though. I do not give him special treatment, and I spend my lunch with your son because he asked me to! The other kids always make these damn comments about Cinny, and it hurts him! He gets these looks in his eyes that nearly break my heart! Where the hell have you been that you don't know that? How do you NOT know where your son is on his lunch hour?"

"Don't you DARE judge me, Meredith. How dare you! I have been dealing with the loss of my WIFE! The woman that I LOVED! That is what I've been doing! I'm sorry that I'm such a bad parent. I'm sorry that I don't know HOW to be his mom, as well. I'm just.. I'm just one person!" His eyes shimmered with tears as he sat down on the cemented curb. "I'm sorry." He repeated, covering his flushed face with his trembling hands.

Silence fell between the two as Meredith watched him fall apart for the world to see. She hadn't meant to upset him so badly, he'd just jumped at her so fast, she'd had no choice but to be on the defensive. She couldn't handle the finger being pointed at her. She slowly stepped towards him before taking a seat beside him. They weren't quite touching, but she was close enough from him to know that she was there. That he wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, stretching her legs as far as they would go to rid herself of the sinking feeling in her stomach. "I didn't.. I shouldn't have said those things. You have a right to mourn."

"You were right." He whispered, finally uncovering his face. Neither of them looked at each other though, they kept their faces straight forward. It somehow made it easier to say the words when it wasn't directly to the other person. "I should have known that kids can be cruel, and that Tommy wouldn't want the pity. I knew he was having a hard time with missing Cinny, but I just .. I didn't realize it was at school too." He looked down at his feet, wondering what exactly he was suppose to do.

"I miss her too, Derek." She frowned, her own tears clouding her vision. "I have dreams about her, sometimes. Well, memories really." She confessed, refusing to look his way. "Memories of her before I screwed everything in my life up."

"We. We did it, Mer. Not you." He bit his lip, already internally hitting himself for what he was about to say. "We didn't know how it was going to end though, Mer. We were.. We followed our hearts, you can't fault us for that."

Meredith quickly shook her head, immediately rejecting his comment. "No. No. We were definitely at fault. Even if it would have ended.. differently, I knew the moment we kissed I would lose her forever."

"I have dreams too, you know." He sighed, roughly wiping at his face with his calloused fingers. "Last night, even. About you."

Meredith winced, finally unable to stop herself from looking at him. "Me?" She asked softly, fighting the urge to reach out to him.

"The night you left." He shifted slightly as he allowed the memory to once again filter his mind. "Hardest night of my life, Mer." He whispered, hoping that she would believe him.

"Hardest night? Hardest night, Derek? It was the beginning of the hardest YEAR of my life! I am STILL dealing with what I went through that year. You have NO idea." She cried, jumping up off the cement. "I can't do this. I can't.. I can't be this person for you." She shook her head violently, backing away from him slowly.

"Daddy?" Tommy's voice cut off any words that Meredith was going to say as they both turned towards the little boy that was standing in the diner's doorway. "What's going on?" He walked slowly towards them, worry etched into all of his features. "Why are you both crying?"

Meredith glanced at Derek quickly for an innocent answer, and for all the times that her brain had failed her, this was by far the worst of times. "I.. I have to go back inside." Meredith whispered, avoiding Tommy's worried gaze as she ran past him into the diner.

"Dad?" Tommy questioned his dad as he continued to walk towards him. "Are you okay?"

Derek smiled at his son's worried features as he patted the spot next to him, instructing his son to sit down beside him. "Don't worry about me, buddy." Derek smiled as he messed with Tommy's hair. "Question is are you okay?" Derek watched carefully as his son seemed to contemplate the question.

"Am I not allowed to eat with Miss. Meri anymore, dad?" The question through Derek off a little. He blinked several times as he glanced past Tommy.

"I don't know, buddy." He frowned, wishing he had more answers for him. "Why didn't you tell me you were eating with her?"

"I didn't want you to worry about me." Derek laughed as he wrapped his arm around his son's shoulder, pulling him towards him.

"It's my job to worry about you, kiddo." He shook his head as he rested his chin on his head.

"Well, it's just.." Tommy began, biting on his lip to figure out how to say it. "Miss. Meri says that a lot of people loved mom, and so it's their way of dealing with it is talking to me. But.. I don't want to talk about it anymore. So, when I'm with Miss. Meri.. she doesn't make me talk about mom. It's nice."

Derek couldn't help but wish Meredith would let him not talk about Cinny, but she gave him no such luxury. "So you two are pals, huh?"

Tommy blushed at the question, but nodded none the less. "Guess so."


	41. Chapter 41

**Driving away from the wreck of the day  
And the light's always red in the rear-view  
Desperately close to a coffin of hope  
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you  
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up  
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up  
On love, On love **

**Anna Nalick**

Mark left Addison's empty apartment a bit after nine AM. It was by far the latest he had slept in in years. Addison had insisted that he sleep in when she woke him before she was off to the diner, also a little late for her at seven. He had called in sick for the day the night before, and he really had no idea what to do with his time. He just knew he couldn't face Derek today, or Addison for that matter. Especially Addison. His stomach was already demanding breakfast, and he'd barely been awake for ten minutes, but he ignored the urge. The only thing that was at his house was probably some ramen noodles, and it was far too early for those. He glanced around the complex's parking lot at the few cars that were still there. He emitted a small laugh as he easily recognized who owned each one without a strain.

He still couldn't believe the life he'd led sometimes. It was days like this he wondered why he hadn't left the town he'd never liked, but as soon as the thought appeared, he pushed it even further away than the urge to eat. His life was here, and just because life was tough, it didn't give him a right to run away. It was the one thing he held against Meredith for the longest, even longer than her cheating, it was that she ran away. His gaze trespassed the limits of the complex onto the main road before him. It was then that he realized where he could go. The one place no one would look for him. He smiled as he got into his car, quickly pulling out onto the road. It was only a few miles away, but he accelerated faster than he usually did anyway. He was tired of thinking, he needed a distraction.

Before the current song ended on the radio, Mark was pulling into the long driveway, sighing in relief as he saw that he was home. He thought that maybe it was too early, but the hunger in his stomach stopped him from caring about such things as sleep. He quickly knocked on the door before stuffing his hands into his pockets. He'd never actually shown up unannounced before, and the longer he stood there with no sign of anyone answering, the stupider he felt for doing so. Just as he was about to turn around and head back to his car, the door swung open revealing a dark haired girl wrapped tightly in a sheet. Mark immediately smiled with pride as he cleared his throat. "Sam, right?" He watched as her cheeks flushed as she nodded at him, wrapping the sheet even tighter around her body. "I didn't know you were still in town."

"Yeah.. well.. what can ya do." She took a step back behind the door as she offered him to come inside.

"Thanks." He nodded as he ran a hand over the top of his head. "Is Frank around?"

"Yeah. He's um.. in the kitchen. I.. I'm going to go get some.."

"Clothes? Do I make you uncomfortable?" He grinned, crossing his arms on his chest. He couldn't help but laugh as her eyes watched his muscles flex.

"No. Not uncomfortable." She shook her head quickly before looking down at the sheet. "I'll.. I'll be right back." She nearly ran all the way up the stairs before Mark decided to go find Frank.

"Hey Frank." Mark grinned as he leaned against the doorway as Frank maneuvered around the kitchen in a pair of baggy sweat pants.

"Deputy?" Frank was clearly confused by the guest, he'd expected Lucy. He'd nearly had to beg Sam to answer the door. For some reason, she seemed to be afraid of Lucy. He didn't understand. Lucy was one of the nicest people he knew.

"I... I was wondering..." Mark stumbled on his words as he glanced around the kitchen. He'd been so sure that this was the right choice, but as he fumbled around, he wasn't so sure anymore.

"I invited him for breakfast." Sam smiled faintly at Mark as she slid through the doorway, squeezing his bicep in the process.

"You did?" Frank blinked as he watched Mark's confused expression.

"Yeah. Yesterday. I told him if he wasn't too busy this morning, he should come have breakfast with us. I meant to run it by you, sorry."

"Yeah." Mark smiled, thankful that she'd helped him out, even though he had no idea why she did.

"Oh. Well, we're having pancakes." Frank nodded towards the stools on the other side of the kitchen counter. "Have a seat."

"Thanks." Mark nodded as he sat beside Sam, grinning when he realized she quite possibly found the largest clothes Frank owned. "Comfortable?"

"Yes."She flushed again, pulling the long sleeves over her shaky hands.

"Thank you." He nodded quickly at her before turning to Frank to see him turning off the stove.

"Time to eat." Frank smiled at the two before handing them both a plate.


	42. Chapter 42

**As the states rolled by Its all so clear  
I'm everywhere but never right here  
It's always the same A constant change  
But I'll come back to you someday  
So close, So far, So long  
The world is spinning me away  
Bryan Greenberg- Someday **

Meredith made her way back to Cristina's table, grabbing her purse before finally meeting Cristina's gaze. "I have to go." She mumbled before turning around and heading back for the door. She knew it wasn't the best idea to go out there when they were still there, but she had to get away from him. She had to get away from everything he represented in her life. Essentially, he was the center of her greatest mistakes. She'd thought she'd healed herself in the time that she'd left Braxton. She'd thought she'd moved on in the ten years since he reigned havoc on her life, but she was quickly realizing that she hadn't healed at all. She had hid. She'd hid from it all in a large city where few people knew her name, and even fewer cared to know it. It had been hard. The only thing that had kept her going was when Cristina came to visit for a weekend. Cristina was her center, which is why when Cristina asked her to move back to Braxton, she really could not say no. Cristina was never one to ask for anything.

"Meredith." Cristina called out her name, causing her to turn around to face her, even though she never stopped walking backwards.

"Sit down." Cristina's eyes narrowed on her, causing her to gulp before obeying. Once she was seated, she pursed her lips, not wanting to talk about it, but knowing that Cristina was going to stare at her like that until she did. She hated that look. She couldn't hide from that look. "What did the ass do now?"

Meredith quickly shook her head, silently refusing to rehash their brutal conversation. She refused to bring back the tears that were just bubbling at the surface. "I have to get back to class, Cris."

"Not for twenty minutes. Now seriously, are you.. are you okay?" She whispered the last bit, leaning into the table in case anyone was listening for one reason or another.

"I'm fine." She responded, a little too quickly, and sighed when Cristina did not seem to buy it. "I am. I will be." She grudgingly corrected herself.

"Are you sure it's a good idea for you to be with that kid so much, Mer?" Cristina frowned, she hated what her friend was going through. Meredith had been through a lot, more than most at their age, and she didn't understand why Mer was so set on being in the kid's life. Seemed like more torture than worth.

"He's a good kid." Meredith nodded, wondering if perhaps Cristina had a point about needing space.

"But he's _his _kid." Cristina stressed, wondering if Meredith was ever really going to heal from their past. She'd had real hope at one point, but the last week had proven otherwise.

"I can't fault him for his father." She shook her head, glancing backwards at the door as the two entered the diner, Derek's hand leading the little boy with his hand on his shoulder.

"You mean you don't want to?"

"Yeah." She sighed, realizing she was not going to win this – whatever it was. "I really have to go Cris. We'll get together again soon. Okay?" She didn't give her time to respond before jumping out of the seat and making a dash for the door. She couldn't chance another encounter with Derek so soon. She needed time to gather herself again. Time to apply the bandages that he'd so cruelly ripped off. Bandages that she didn't realize she was still wearing.

She was back in her classroom with the door locked shut before she allowed herself a single thought about Derek. Well at least one she would admit to. She couldn't believe the way he'd thrown Cinny in her face, as if she wasn't at all affected by it. It had stung- more than she even let herself believe. And then he-- he said things he shouldn't have. Things that were beyond crossing the line. He had no right to tell her he dreamed of her. He dreamed of them- together. She knew that's what he was talking about. Their last night when so much more was done than spoken. So many things left unsaid that she wished more than anything she could have told him. Things that haunted her till this day, things he would hate her for if he knew them now. Things no one could ever know. They were secrets her and Cristina would take to their graves.

_She was abruptly woken from her sleep as nausea washed over her, causing her to jump from her bed- again and run to the joining bathroom. "Oh God." She groaned, covering her mouth in a half hearted attempt to reach the toilet before spewing the half of glass of water she'd consumed before she went to bed. The only thing she'd consumed since the last time she'd become intimate friends with the toilet that knew her deepest secret. Well, she wasn't sure it was a secret anymore. At least not to anyone that saw her. Only a secret to those that mattered. Those that she loved. Once her stomach settled, she washed her mouth out with water and some mouth wash before waddling out of the bathroom, one hand on her lower back and the other on her already bulging belly. In the month since she'd left Braxton, she'd had a lot of time to read. What To Expect When You're Expecting was the first one she read, and she thought it was the most informative. According to it, she only had about a month left of the nausea, and she could not wait for it to go away. _

_She made her way into the kitchen, taking the ginger ale out of the fridge to pour it into a small glass. She could only drink it in small amounts, because truthfully she hated the taste, but it did seem to help the nausea so she sucked it up. Especially when it kept her up at all hours of the night. She glanced at the digital stove and winced as she read the time. Four- thirty in the morning. She had to be up in two hours for work. She'd called out two days in a row, she couldn't call out again- not without losing the job. She could only pull the poor lonely pregnant card so many times before it got cold. She could tell it had already gotten old. Luckily she did not work in food, so it really wasn't critical that not be sick at work, it would just be incredibly annoying _

_It was after Five when she finally dozed back off into a not so peaceful sleep. She was running out of times to make a decision, and she was still no closer in deciding than the day she found out. It was the same day Derek told her about Cinny's pregnancy. She'd been so close to having her dream life with him. She could feel it's perfection on her fingertips and it'd slipped away in an instant. He'd stolen it all. They had stolen it all. Now she was alone in New York City with nothing but an old landlord who took pity on her and let her clean the apartment complex every other night in compensation for part of the rent. Most of the rent, really. She couldn't be more thankful though. She wished her mother was more like her landlord, but she hadn't even spoken to her mother since before she found out about the baby, and she had no intention of telling her about it. She would only tell her how much of a disappointment she was. It was something she just did not need to hear. _

_Her cellphone echoed off the walls, and she blindly fumbled for it as she casted a quick glance at the alarm clock. Six-fifteen. "Damn technology." She muttered as she finally found her phone. She rubbed her eyes sleepily as she read the caller ID._

_Derek. _

_She frowned as she silenced the call. It was the third time he'd called, and she'd yet to answer. She was hoping he gave up soon. She only had so much self control. She'd never been good at ignoring him, which was really most of her problem. Her eyes pooled with tears as she buried her face into her pillow. She wished he was there with her, rubbing her swelling feet and aching back, telling her she was beautiful even when she was clearly not. She needed him, but his responsibilities did not lie with her, and it was what gave her the strength to ignore the calls time and again. She sighed when it vibrated against her side, indicating he'd left a voice mail. It was the first time he'd left one, and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to hear his voice. She had to get up in fifteen minutes, she didn't have time to break down. She only kept her resolve for a little over thirty seconds before crumbling to temptation and grabbing up her phone, immediately dialing voice mail. _

"_Mer.." He sighed and her heart nearly broke at the ache evident in his voice. She wanted nothing more than to call him back, but she bit her lip as she let the message continue. "God it's good to hear your voice. This place seems so dead without you. I wish you were here. I know you're not going to answer my calls, and I know it's wrong for me to tempt you, which is why I'm leaving this voice mail This is it, Mer. I'm letting you go. I don't know where you are, and I don't know if I will ever see you again, but I hope you find happiness. I hope that you can forgive me for what I've done. I hope Mark and Cinny can forgive us. I just.. My God, I need you. I'm sorry. Shit. Goodbye Meredith. I.. I lo- End of Message." Her sob hitched in her throat as the words she knew he meant to say filtered into her ears. The words that would haunt her every day if she kept the baby. What if the baby had his eyes or his unruly curly hair? How would she look at the child? How could she explain to a child that they'd never know their father because of her. She couldn't._

"_Goodbye Derek." She cried, laying her head back down on the pillow until the sound of her alarm clock rang through her ears. "Hello New York City." _

A knock on the door shook her from her thoughts. The children were back. She had to be Miss. Meri again. The happy teacher. Not the broken hearted woman that was falling apart. Forcing a smile onto her face, she walked over the door and unlocked it, allowing the child on the other end to open it.

"Hey Miss. Meri." Meredith smiled at the child. He was so adorable with his single curl of hair that she couldn't help but love him, even if his mother did scare her sometimes.

"Hey Braiden. How was your lunch?" She had seen him at the diner, but she'd been too distracted to even acknowledge his presence.

"It was good. I saw you." His toothy grin melted her heart as he attempted to hug her. "Are you okay, Miss. Meri?"

"I'm great, kiddo." She laughed, patting his back before he released her and walked to his desk. She took a deep breath as the rest of the kids entered, the last one being Tommy. She offered him a faint smile to match his own before shutting the door behind him. She wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed, but as usual, life went on without considering what she wanted.


	43. Chapter 43

**We don't have to have that conversation  
Baby don't ya think it's goin' fine  
We don't need to send out invitations  
To tell the world that you're mine  
Cause I'm acting as if this blue sky's never gonna rain down on me  
I'm telling myself This true love's never gonna leave me lonely  
Unless there's something I've missed I'm acting as if  
As if your sweet kiss is never gonna fade away  
And the way you look at me will never change **

**Sara Evans, As If**

Cristina remained still in the booth as Meredith made her escape. She wanted to run after her- to yell at her for not even wondering why she'd nearly begged her to meet her for lunch. She needed her and Meredith had been too absorbed in the madness that is Derek's life to even focus on her at all. She hadn't followed her though. She'd let her go, because she knew even if she had followed, Meredith was too consumed to listen. It was one of the reasons why her and Meredith had grown apart while in college, other than the fact that she'd been in California, Meredith always managed to drown herself in a sea of all things Derek.

She sighed as she watched the two Shepherd's leave the cafe hand in hand. It was hard for her not to resent Derek. She didn't understand why Meredith was so willing to try. He had shattered everything for her, and yet Meredith let him back in for another round. How many heartbreaks can one man cause before you let him go? She also didn't get Meredith's attachment to the kid. She knew Meredith was looking for some sort of redemption for her past, but she just didn't think Tommy was the way to go. Meredith getting close to Derek's offspring was only going to cause her friend pain.

After waiting until after some of the diner's hysteric customers cleared out, Cristina made her way back to the office. She barely casted George a glance as she made her way past his desk. He was so mesmerized by his computer screen, she wasn't even sure he noticed she was back. Not that it mattered, once again, she had absolutely no reason to be there. She'd finished the little bit of paperwork that needed to be done that morning, and she was now regretting it. With nothing to do, the hangover that she'd somehow forced out of her thoughts was bound to hit her full force now.

She sighed as she crashed down into overly fluffy chair, resting her head against the cool wooden desk that was momentarily absent of clutter. George clearly had done some organizing while she was gone. She wanted to complain- more like bitch, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Her desk was in desperate need of some organizing, and she was sure she'd be thankful when she actually needed to find something.

"Mayor?" George's voice came through on the intercom as if he wasn't positive that she really had just passed his desk.

"Yes George?" She rolled her eyes as he finger pressed down on the button.

"Max is here."

"Send him in." She finally managed to respond, ignoring the surprise of his appearance. It was Tuesday! She never saw him on Tuesdays either. As long as he wasn't here to suggest they run off to Vegas, she'd be okay.

"Hey babe." He smiled at her through the slightly cracked door.

"Hey Max. What brings you to Braxton?" She eyed him curiously, she couldn't remember the last time he'd just stopped by randomly to her office. She couldn't even remember the last time he'd been anywhere in town besides her house.

"I missed you." He grinned as he looked around her office. "Your office looks exactly the same it did last time I was here, Cristina." He frowned, and she was sure that it was the architect in him that was crying.

"I don't like change." She shrugged her shoulders as she made her way around her desk, allowing his arms to engulf her in a hug.

"I would have never guessed that." He smiled as he cupped her cheeks in the palms of his hands to kiss her quickly. "So did you have fun playing poker?" He asked with a grin as he tried to remember if George had been rolling quarters. Maybe he'd already done that, he laughed in amusement.

"Poker is always fun. Although, O'Malley quit after he lost 10. QUITTER!" She yelled loud enough so that George could hear. Of course, he didn't respond. He never does.

"You should give him a break, Cristina. He's a good assistant."

"Doesn't mean he's not a sucky poker player." She grinned, pulling him with her back to her chair, forcing him to sit down before straddling her legs across his.

"Never knew you were so feisty with a hangover. I'll have to let you drink more often." He chuckled, his hands easily finding a home on her lower hips as she leaned in to kiss him again.

"Glad I finally made that clear." She smiled against his lips as her fingers made work of unbuttoning his shirt.

"Cristina! George is in the next room." Max offered weakly, even though he knew he would never have enough willpower to say anything more than that.

"He's talking to his girlfriend. It's okay. Maybe it'll make him grow a pair and ask her out." Cristina shrugged as she pulled away long enough to pull her shirt over the top of her head.

"Did I mention that you are incredibly sexy when you don't even attempt to seduce me before mauling me?" He laughed, shrugging out of his shirt as well.

"Not today." She smirked, catching his lips in another kiss.

"Shouldn't we at least lock the door?" She finally pulled away long enough to glare at him.

"Never mind." She growled as she picked up her shirt off the floor. "Never thought I'd see the day when YOU refused sex." She muttered as she walked across the room to the door length mirror to fix her clothes.

"I wasn't refusing sex. I just didn't want George to be scarred for life if he walked in on us." He pouted as he reached past her to lock the door. When her face didn't soften, he trailed kisses along her neck until she finally turned around in his arms.

"You should go."

"But.."

"The moment is gone, Max." She growled as she pushed past him, sitting back in the chair.

"I came to see if you wanted to have lunch." He pouted, crossing his arms against his puffed out chest.

"I already had lunch- with Meredith." Cristina threw in, even though she could hardly call that meal eating _with _Meredith.

"Oh." His arms fell to his sides as he watched her for any signs of giving in- but there were none there. "How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? For lunch?" She asked as she grabbed her planner, even though she already knew she had absolutely nothing written there. She was planning on asking Meredith if they could actually talk, but lunch was clearly not a good time to talk to Meredith. It would have to be after school.

"Yes." He smiled as he saw the empty spot in the planner. The empty day. "We could spend the entire day together." He continued as he walked behind her, proving that she had absolutely no reason to be in the office at all.

"I can't skip work, Max. I am the MAYOR!" She rolled her eyes as she looked up at him. "But lunch is free." She nodded her head, puckering her lips slightly for a kiss- a goodbye kiss.

"Alright alright." He grinned, lunch it is! I'll meet you here." He kissed her quickly before leaving her office.

"Who freaking refuses sex!" She muttered as she rested her head on her desk again. Stupid stupid hangover!


	44. Chapter 44

**But I cant spell it out for you  
No its never gonna be that simple  
No I cant spell it out for you  
If you just realize, what I just realized  
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never find another  
Just realize what I just realized, we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other but…..  
Its not the same, no its never the same  
If you don't feel it too  
If you meet me half way  
If you would meet me half way  
It could be the same for you**

**Realize, Colbie Caillat**

It was lunch time before Mark left Frank's house, it was also with great reluctance. He couldn't deny that Sam made it just a little easier not to break down into, ahem, manly sobs. Somehow, and Mark wasn't quite sure how it all happened, Frank had convinced him that it would be a good idea to go speak to Ms. T. It wasn't until Mark was in his car that he realized, not only was it a bad idea, it was a _terrible _idea. He loved the woman, and he would die for her without a second thought, but he knew she would want to talk about it. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about what happened after he'd went back inside to Addison's apartment. Stupid Stupid storm. Of course it had to be storming. It couldn't have been a perfect night where he could have left without a problem, and he wouldn't have had to face her again. Life was playing a cruel cruel joke on him.

For a fleeting moment, Meredith entered his mind, but he let it pass just as quickly. He was pretty certain there were limits to their friendship. Meredith had always made him _want _to talk about whatever was on his mind. It was an irritating fact for sure. Especially when he'd been considering proposing. He winced at the memory. He had even bought her a ring. He'd been so certain that she was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. He hadn't told anyone, not even Derek. A fact now he couldn't decide if it would have mattered or not. Would Derek had more control? His hands tightened around the steering wheel. He'd forgiven Derek, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Even if she wasn't the person for him, he had been so certain. They'd been different than Derek and Cinny. Many things, too many really, went without being said once they were together. The important stuff anyway. He never understood how they'd gone from being chatty best friends to silent – lovers? It'd made so much sense back then.

The four of them would have been the quad- couple, for what he thought was a lifetime. He'd never imagined that she was with the wrong best friend. Well, that was debatable, he guessed, as he remembered the day after she'd left town. He, of course, still wasn't speaking to Derek, but Ms. T had called him. Begging him to come over because Derek was a wreck, and she didn't think it was fair that Cinny have to see him like that. He'd apologized profusely, and and agreed to try to come over, but he got as far as their driveway, and had to leave. There were some wounds he couldn't heal for his friend. Meredith was a wound he hadn't even processed how to fix for himself, much less for Derek, who had no right to feel the amount of pain he felt. It was not the pain of a best friend lost.

As he drove through town, eying the buildings, some that brought back memories that he didn't want to remember, he pressed the accelerator a little harder past those buildings. The jeweler he'd bought her ring at was still open. He still had the ring. He swore he'd pawn it if he ever needed the money, but of all the problems he'd had in his life, money had not really been an issue. Being single man living in Braxton was not exactly high class living. He'd thought about just giving it to her before she left, just so he wouldn't have to see it anymore, but the fact that she was supposed to be his best friend, someone he was trying to protect, had stopped him from throwing it in her face how much he had loved her.

His lips formed a smile as he passed the school. Tommy always managed to make him smile. He laughed as he remembered the day before when they'd discussed Tommy's dream girl. At first, he had thought Tommy had been describing Cinny, and his heart had broken as he listened to the little boy describe just the smallest details of things he wanted. Things that he was certain he had not thought about when he in fourth grade. But it wasn't until he'd gotten to the small details that he realized it was not Cinny he was describing. It was Meredith. He didn't mention his revelation though. If he had told him, then Tommy wouldn't have drawn the picture, and he needed proof. He'd even told him that he was going to school early the next day to draw it. He needed to concentrate, he had said. Mark laughed at the way genetics had been passed between Derek and Tommy. He glanced to his watch, and frowned when he realized that he'd missed the lunch hour. He promised himself he would go see the boy after school, and with that in mind, Mark allowed his car to pass the school parking lot.

He'd forgotten, or purposely ignored, what came after the school- the diner. His muscles stiffened as he drove towards it.. She was standing outside. She was stronger than him. She was still able to function. Against his better judgment, he felt himself pulling into the lot. He was determined to show her that he was strong too. He could pretend if she could. Well, he was determined to try. Their eyes met through the windshield as his car came to a stop in his usual spot. He wanted so badly to give her a grin as he usually would, but his face seemed unable to do anything that would suggest any sort amount of happiness. He sighed as he shut the car off and opened his door. By the time he'd stood up right beside his car, she was standing up as well. He watched in pure agony as her long legs flexed in rebuttal of her standing. He watched in surprise as she threw down a cigarette onto the ground. He never knew she smoked. He wanted to laugh at the bitter thought. He didn't know her at all- so she said. The words echoed over and over in his head as he bypassed her, opting for silence as he made his way into the nearly empty diner, besides two men who were playing Chess in the back corner.

He was already seated in his usual stool when he heard the bell above the door ring, and although he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to look her way. He could feel her pleading gaze on him, but he instead opted to look the other way at the men. At a closer glance, he realized that one was much older than the other. He smiled in relief when he finally recognized the older man. Mr. Jackson had been his neighbor at one point, but he had moved to the other side of town- with his son. Ah, the puzzle is solved, Mark told himself as he grabbed the one menu in the diner and started looking through it. Given, he paid a little more attention to it once she was standing right in front of him. His stomach knotted as he breathed in- she smelt like him.

"Mark.." She whispered, placing both of her hands on the counter between them. "Please talk to me." It was almost an automatic response to react whenever she spoke to him. He gave in so quickly that he was ashamed of himself at his lack of willpower. How had he even gotten inside, he wondered. This is not where he wanted to be. It was not where he needed to be.

"Don't Addison." His voice came out strained and hoarse, and he silently cursed himself for allowing it. He once again buried his attention into the menu. The thought of letting her make him food made him queasy. "I'll have a water, thanks." He reluctantly slid the menu away from him as he met her gaze.

"No food?" She frowned as she placed some lose strands of her pony tail behind her ear. "How about a double brownie- on the house?" She gave her best smile, but he didn't look long enough for it to matter. She watched as he shook his head, refusing the brownie.

"Please don't do this, Mark." She whispered, and immediately regretted it as she watched his muscles tighten. She knew it was her fault, but she'd never seen Mark so unraveled. She didn't like that it was her fault.

"I'm not doing anything.." He responded in an equally low voice. He was tired of this. He wasn't getting anywhere, and he was sick of letting her hurt him. He was sick of being hurt.

"I'm not trying to hurt you." She sighed before finally turning away to get him a glass of water. She cursed herself for her thoughts. She was too willing to make him feel better. She was willing to do things she knew better than to do. She was thankful that there was no chance in hell he was going to ask her out today, because she was certain she wouldn't be able to say no. She just wanted to see him smile again. But she knew if she went out with him, it would only get worse. He would hate her when she left. She didn't want him to hate her.

"What exactly do you think you're doing then?" He growled at her remark as she placed the glass in front of him.

"Protecting you." She insisted, fighting the urge to place her hand over his. It would be so much easier if he didn't make her melt when he was within a mile radius.

"From WHAT?" He raised his voice, but quickly lowered his head when the two men looked his way. He hadn't meant to lose control like that.

"You just have to trust me, Mark." She cried, quickly wiping away stubborn tears that insisted on falling. She watched as his resolve crumbled at the sight of tears. She wished she could fall in his arms, but there was a counter between them, and about one million miles. One million miles that she could selfishly make disappear.

"Don't cry, Addi." He begged softly, fighting the raw instinct to jump over the counter and wrap her into his arms. His fingers were itching to take every ounce of pain away from her body, but he placed his feet firmly on the ground. He wouldn't put himself in the eye of Addison's storm.

"I'm not." She declared insistently, even though her face was now red and moist from the tears that would not stop falling. "I'm so sorry, Mark." She whispered before running into the back room. She didn't even shut the door behind her. She knew he would follow her, it was what he did. He would run into a burning building for her- which is pretty much what he was doing every time he put himself in her grasp. He would get burned one way or another.

She was sitting in the corner with her head between her legs when she heard the door close. Against her inner judgment, she sighed in relief. She knew she was no good for him, but it didn't stop her from secretly wanting him to still care. She felt his arms grasp just beneath her shoulders and within a second she standing back on her feet. She melted against the wall as his hands left her arms and cupped her cheek. She locked her knees as she looked into his stormy eyes. "You said you weren't crying." He whispered, his hands reluctantly leaving her cheeks to fall to her hips. She wondered if he could tell she was about to collapse again. Any other time, she would squirm with the tight hold he had on her waist, she was almost certain his fingers would leave a bruise- again, but she couldn't manage to complain. She'd take any number of bruises he'd give her as long as he looked at her like that.

"I lied." She whispered, leaning her forehead into his chest, a sob quickly racking her body, her slender arms wrapping themselves tightly around his neck. "God Mark, I lied." She cried, crashing his body into hers against the wall. She relished the feel of his body pinned against her as her mind went back to the night before.

"_Here you go." She smiled uncomfortably as she handed him an XL t-shirt and pajama pants for him to wear along with a blanket. "I can put your clothes in the dryer, if you want." She frowned as she looked over his soaked clothes._

"_Thanks." He whispered weakly, glancing around the place for somewhere to change._

"_OH!" She blushed as she pointed towards her bedroom. "The bathroom is connected to my room. The door is probably open." She gulped as she watched him reluctantly make his way into her room, not even pausing before going into the bathroom. She watched the motionless room for only a moment before turning back towards the couch. The least she could do was fix the couch for him. She tightened her robe before adjusting the pillows of the couch that they'd nearly- no, she would not think about that. He had rejected her. She wouldn't allow herself to think about all the things he had said. Forever. The words echoed in her head without any thought about her resistance to them. Her body ached for him, and now he was naked in her bathroom! Naked! Damn him. She knew she should be thankful that he hadn't stripped down right in front of her, but her bathroom was still entirely too close. The door did not lock ,she could easily walk in there! She could slip off her clothes and push him into the shower. She could run her hands over every muscle in his body, and she could make him forget that he couldn't. He could- she could make him see that he could. _

_She shook her head roughly as her lips parched in thirst. She hated that he was right. She hated that she really did love him the way he loved her. She wanted everything that he did, but she couldn't have it. She did not have forever to offer him. Why couldn't he be weak like she was in that moment? _

"_I lied." His voice nearly startled her. She hadn't heard him leave the bathroom, nor had she heard him enter the room. She'd been too entranced with the idea of him in the shower to be listening. _

"_What?" She blinked, when she realized he was not wearing the t-shirt, only the pajama pants that looked much much better on him than they ever could on her. She swore she would never wear those pants again, although she was pretty certain she would wear them again before she washed them. Damn him. _

"_I lied." He repeated as he crossed the room, grabbing onto her hand, his gaze so smoldering that she couldn't look away if she was paid. Not that she was trying to look away. "I can take one night. I can. I was in your BATHROOM, Addison! The shampoo and the soap and the candles and the petals and even your damn toothbrush just SCREAMS you. OK. That's not fair. That's not fair that you sent me in there. Damn it Addison!" He growled, dropping her hand and grabbed onto her waist, yanking her towards him before she could even process his words. His lips crashed into hers, and she immediately stopped trying to remember the words. She moaned as she pushed him backwards, her hands roaming his body as quickly as she could, not stopping him until they reached the bathroom, when she stopped him just long enough to push his pants down to his ankles, followed quickly by her robe. She bit her lip as he nearly threw her into the shower, thankful for the railing that kept her on her feet as the almost scolding water beaded down their bodies. She whimpered as he stood in front of her, watching as her body shook in anticipation. _

"_Mark.." She growled, finally losing all patience and pulling him towards her by the neck. His body was warm against her, and she immediately realized that her daydreaming had done him no justice. Another moan vibrated her throat as he bit down on her lower lip in frustration. She gained enough control of her limbs to grab hid hands and place them on her hips, demanding that she knew he was there. She felt his leg wedge between her own as he pulled away from her lips long enough to lower his to her neck, biting almost violently at the flesh. Her nails scratched just as hard on his back and arms, and in a matter of moments her legs were wrapped tightly around his waist, and her body was pinned even harder against the wall._

_Her legs didn't touch the floor again until the next morning. Once they were done, long after the hot water had run out, he had carried her to bed and tucked her in carefully before silently backing away. "The night's not over, Mark." She whispered before he reached the door, and she knew without opening her eyes that he'd given in. In a moment, his toned body was right up against her underneath the protection of her inviting comforter. She tried not to cry as she turned towards him, his lips placing a kiss on her forehead before she could say anything._

"_You should get some sleep, Ad."_

"_We need to talk." She insisted stubbornly her fingers finding his and intertwined them. _

"_I think we've done enough for one day." He frowned, looking at their hands as she shook her head._

"_I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough." She whispered, leaning into him and kissing his lips again. "I'm sorry." She repeated, deepening the kiss even though it was the exact opposite of what her words were implying. _

"_We still have tonight, right?" He groaned as her hands roamed his body, he was unable to resist her. He couldn't- not after that. _

"_We always have tonight." She encouraged as she rolled him onto his back, leaving no room for argument. _

"Addi?" His voice brought her back from the memory, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?" He winced as he looked down at her arms, both of which had several bruises of hand prints on them. "Oh my god, did I hurt you?" He paled as his fingers gently went across the surface of the darkest bruise.

"No!" She shook her head, cupping his face so that he would look at her. "You have never hurt me, Mark." She whispered before pulling him into a kiss. She sighed as she leaned back against the wall. The kiss was different than the ones they'd shared the day before. This one was soft and delicate, and more than that it was slow. She wanted to cry at how slowly his lips moved against hers, it wasn't a kiss of passion. It was a kiss of love, and she was too weak to stop it. She placed her hands on his waist, gently tugging him even closer than he was before, which was quite an accomplishment.

"Addi.." He whispered as he pulled away for air. "I can't keep doing this. I love you, you're.. you're going to break me." He sighed, using every ounce of strength he had to step away from her.

"Don't you see that I am TRYING, Mark?" The words surprised even her. It was, in fact, not what she was trying to do. She hadn't considered forever an option for them, not even in a weak moment. At least, she hadn't thought she had. But she had no other explanation for what she was doing.

"I see that you want to pretend you're trying. I know that you love me, Ad. God, I would love for you to try, but I don't.. I don't think I can survive if you fail." The words hit her hard, and tears that'd stopped falling during her memory recall, started falling again. This is what she'd been trying to avoid.

"You have to let me try, Mark." She cried as she grabbed onto his hands. "I can't just have one night with you either." She confessed, kissing him again. She could feel him smile against her lips, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was actually doing something right.


	45. Chapter 45

**Scars are souvenirs you never lose , the past is never far  
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there , did you get to be a star  
Don't it make you sad to know that life is more that who we are  
You grew up way too fast and now there's Nothing to believe  
And reruns all become our history, A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio  
And I won't tell no one your name**

** Name, Goo Goo Dolls**

The clocked ticked slowly on for Derek after lunch. He couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Meredith. It had gotten so serious, so fast. She'd gotten so upset. The hardest year of her life. She had said that. She'd been gone longer than one year. He couldn't get it out of his head. What had happened to her when she was gone? He hated himself for not knowing. But he'd been so shocked when she came back, he was too afraid to speak to her. He had promised he would let her live her life. He had. He had made a life with Cinny by the time she came back. She had showed no interest in being in his life.

Tutoring. She had suggested tutoring! For Tommy! Tommy was one of the smartest kids he knew. Given, he knew he was a bit biased, but he really did think Tommy was very bright for his age. Besides that, he couldn't really afford a tutor. Without Cinny's income, things were starting to get tight. He wasn't sure what to do, it wasn't exactly like he could pick up a second job, and he definitely couldn't afford a tutor. Meredith would probably charge him his left kidney and right arm- and a couple of black eyes. He would happily take the black eyes, it was the kidneys and the right arm that he was partial to. He decided that it wouldn't hurt to ask her about it. He could be.. fatherly? Well, he could be less-selfish for Tommy. He was definitely going to try. Not that he had a whole lot of control of himself when he was around her. Tommy would be there though. Tommy would keep him grounded. He left the station twenty minutes early to pick Tommy up, certain it would take him that long to get courage to go into her room. She'd made him cry! In public! He couldn't let that happen again. He had an appearance to keep up.

He let out a heavy breath as the sound of the bell echoed through the parking lot, and in just a matter of moments kids swarmed through the doors, making their way to their respective cars. Several of them passing him waved, and he smiled in return. That's what he loved about little kids, none of them knew about his mistakes. They didn't know about the pain he'd bared himself, or caused on others. He was just Sheriff Shepherd, or sometimes he was just Tommy's dad. He waited until the traffic slowed before making his way into the building. Her door was the only one left open in her hall, but he still knocked before entering. Her head shot up at the sound, and he realized then that she was looking down at her cellphone, her face a bit pale.

"Sheriff." She managed weakly, her eyes flickering to the back of the room where he realized Tommy was sitting in his desk, coloring on a sheet of paper. The name, although true, hurt. It was too formal for them. Too impersonal. He immediately hated the way it sounded on her.

Instead of responding with some equally impersonal name, he decided to focus on his son. "Hey kiddo." He smiled at his son who finally realized that he'd arrived.

"Oh. Hey dad! You're early." Tommy smiled, quickly putting all of his crayons in the box and shoving it into his backpack before nicely placing the paper in there.

"What's he drawing?" He asked Meredith curiously, figuring it was school related.

"Oh. That's not homework." She smiled faintly as she watched the boy as well. "It's a drawing for Mark."

"Mark?" He asked curiously, he hadn't drawn a picture for Mark in years. He decided not to push it though. He would ask Tommy about it later. Finally turning his attention towards her, he took a deep breath. "Listen, I was thinking about what you said earlier, about Tommy possibly needing.." He struggled to say the word, but it wouldn't come. He looked at her helplessly, begging her not to make him say the word.

"Tutoring?" She finally offered, realizing he wasn't going to say it. He wasn't the first parent who had a problem with the word, but Tommy wasn't like most students that needed help. He was smart enough to get the material on his own, she was just afraid he wouldn't be able to concentrate without one-on-one attention.

"Yes. I was just wondering.. how much that would cost?" He fought the wince that his face was trying to make while he bit his tongue to leave out the bit about the black eyes, kidneys, and appendages.

"Nothing." She smiled more to Tommy than she did to Derek. A part of her wanted to charge Derek, but she cared about Tommy. She wanted him to succeed.

"Really?" He blinked several times as a wave of relief washed over him. He'd been so worried about it all afternoon. The relief was quickly replaced with sorrow though as he was reminded how amazing she was, and how he'd let her go.

"Ready to go, dad?" Tommy's hand grabbed onto his, and Derek had to clear his throat to answer. He smiled as he bent down to be eye level with his son.

"I got a question for ya, Tommy." He was still amazed sometimes about how much Tommy looked like Cinny. It was so hard to look in his eyes sometimes. Especially when Meredith was in the room.

"I've got an answer." Tommy grinned, proud of his wit.

"You're not allowed to see Mark for like, at least three days." Derek laughed, rolling his eyes as he refocused. "Anyway, what do you think about staying after school with Miss. Meri- " He turned his head towards her, silently asking a question they hadn't had time to discuss.

"Two or three times a week." She spoke quickly with a smile. She had to force herself not to pay too much attention to the two of them. It was too hard for her to see Derek with his son. She just prayed that it would get easier. It had to get easier. She didn't want to let Tommy down, but she did have a small amount of self preservation. There was a limit to what she could handle.

"You mean like a babysitter?" Tommy scrunched his nose. "Is T leaving?" He frowned. He didn't want his grandmother to leave. She wasn't a replacement for his mom, but she did manage to make some things seem normal. As much as she could. She cooked, washed clothes, and she even bickered at Uncle Mark the way that his mom had.

"No." Meredith smiled as she stood up from her chair, making her way around her desk so that she was beside Derek. "We are just going to do homework and stuff. If you want." She couldn't exactly force him to do it.

"Oh. Okay. I guess so." He shrugged his shoulders. He'd been worried that he wouldn't be able to hang out with Miss. Meri anymore, so he was happy that he'd get to- with his dad knowing about it.

"Alright then. It's settled." Derek ruffled Tommy's hair before standing up. "Let's get out of her hair now, kiddo." Derek flashed her a smile as Tommy took his hand.

"Bye Miss. Meri! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye Tommy. Sheriff." Meredith nodded, watching as the duo left her room. "What the hell are you doing, Meredith." She sighed, not so silently scolding herself as she sat back in her chair. Cristina was going to have her killed.


	46. Chapter 46

**1...2...3...4  
Lost my step, fell back down  
Lost my breath chasing you around  
Easy said, hard to do  
My pride's halfway dead  
Am I halfway to you?  
And I never thought I'd be the one  
Who would have to come back down  
Now I'm running away  
Running away back on the ground  
And every time I lost my way  
You were there to break my fall  
Now I'm running away  
Running away to leave it all  
Wait for me, I fell behind  
Honestly, this is my best try  
It's not enough and it will never be  
If it's good enough for you  
Then that's good enough for me **

**Lifehouse**

George had never understood Cristina's relationship with Max. He was always so demanding, and George could never believe that Cristina allowed him to .. control her like that. Cristina did not let anyone control anything she did. She was the mayor, and very rarely did she even take into consideration the town when she was making decisions. It astonished him every election year when she went unopposed. He'd accepted it though, and besides, he needed the paycheck. Not that being her assistant paid all that well, but it was enough to help with his father's medication and doctor visits.

He wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but CTBug had not been on in days, and her absence was starting to make him uncomfortable. Had he freaked her out? He had only asked her her name, he hadn't thought.. he hadn't expected her to suddenly sign off and never speak to him again. Maybe she'd somehow realized who he was, and deemed him not worth her time. The thought made him incredibly sad. He squirmed in his seat as Max left Cristina's office with an angry scowl plaguing his face. He knew it couldn't have been that bad because there had been no yelling, with the exception of Cristina calling him a quitter. The two of them were very loud when they were angry. He'd never forget the last time Max had come to the office, he'd been afraid he was going to hit Cristina. Cristina had assured him that he would never hit her, but the clenched fists and popping veins told him otherwise. Another minute in that room, and George wasn't so sure that Cristina wouldn't have had a black eye- or worse. He breathed a sigh of relief as the door shut quietly behind him. The air that'd been becoming increasingly difficult to breathe seemed to disperse of the tension, leaving him with a wave of relief he hadn't realized he'd been waiting on.

He was about to get up and check on Cristina when he heard no noise coming from her office when the phone rang, sending his worry to the back burner as he answered the phone. "Mayor's Office. This is George." It was a generic greeting, but he did not have the energy, nor the creativity, to think of something new to say.

"Georgie?" A soft sob filtered through the phone as he recognized the voice as his mother's. His heart nearly stopped as he clutched the receiver as if he was hanging on for dear life, and in a way- he was. His father's life.

"What's wrong, Mom?" He asked quietly, his eyes darting to the door to Cristina's office for signs of life, but not finding any.

"It.. Something happened, Georgie. Your father.. he was having some chest pains this morning, so I took him to Dr. Bailey's.." A lump formed in his throat as a thousand different scenarios filtered through his brain simultaneously. "We.. We were too late. There.. There was nothing she could do. Apparently he'd been lying about the amount of pain he was in." George's face depleted of color as his tightened grasp of his phone loosened, causing him to drop the phone, and he watched helplessly as the cord stretched to the floor, allowing the phone to crash and splatter onto the floor into several pieces. He didn't even bother to pick it up before standing and making his way to Cristina's office, entering without knocking, to find that she was sitting in her desk, staring idly at a picture in her hands. He barely registered as she jammed the picture into one of her drawers as she met his gaze. Her clearly annoyed flare fell as tears pooled into his eyes.

"I.. I have to quit. Today. Now. I.. I'm sorry, Cristina." He muttered, bowing his head as he slowly made his way backwards out of her office. He was at his desk gathering the few belongings he kept there when he noticed she was standing in front of the exit.

"What happened?" The tone of her voice let him know that she had a very good idea, but Cristina was a woman who lived on facts, so it did not surprise him that she asked.

"He.. he died. I.. I have to go." He mumbled, grabbing the small box after shutting down the computer. He felt a small pang of guilt for leaving her, but it was quickly washed away. Cristina didn't need him there. It was more of a favor to him than it was a job to her.

"George.." She sighed, scrambling with words as she slowly placed a hand on his shoulder once he was right in front of her. "I am sorry that you lost your best friend." She frowned, stepping aside to allow him to leave. "Give your family my condolences, will you?" She offered, not expecting him to verbally respond.

"Tell Izzie and Mer I will call them when we get to where we're going.." He barely managed to get out in a whisper before leaving the office. She wanted to call out to him and ask what he meant by that, but she had no faith that he would hear her. It would take a semi running him over to get him out of his head now.

He'd been home for thirty minutes when there was a knock on his bedroom door, and without even looking up, he knew that it was his mother. His brothers all lived out of state, and the chances of them even hearing about it yet were slim to none. "Going somewhere?" His mother asked, and it wasn't until that moment that he stopped longed enough to actually look at what he was doing. He was packing. Nearly all of his drawers were emptied into his suitcase already, and the only thing left of any value was his computer, and he wasn't even sure he was going to take it. There wasn't really a point, he thought bitterly. He couldn't help but feel bitter towards her in that moment.

"We talked about this before, Mom." He sighed, taking a moment to sit on his bed, allowing the news to really sink in. His father was gone. He'd died! He'd been preparing himself for this for a very long time, but it did not stop the urge to punch in his walls and puke out the entire contents of his stomach. "We.. I need to get out of this house, this town. It will eat me alive." He whispered, finally looking at his mother who'd taken a seat on the bed beside him.

"I know, baby." She whispered, running her fragile and shaking hands through his hair. "I called Aunt Susan in Arizona for you. She's expecting you." Tears were falling from his mother's chin onto her old worn out jeans, but George did not have it in him to comfort her the way he knew he was suppose to. All he could think about was getting out of the house. The walls were gradually falling in, and air was in short supply to his lungs.

"You can come with me, Mom. You don't have to stay here." He shook his head stubbornly, not liking the idea of his mother being alone, especially in the house that'd she'd never spent a single night without his father in. Not once.

"Maybe in a few weeks, dear. I have things.. There are certain things that have to be seen to. That I have to take care of." He nodded knowingly as he pulled her into a hug, burying his head into her shoulder for a small amount of comfort that only his mother could offer him.

"I have to go, Mom. I love you, though. Promise me you'll call the boys immediately. Promise me you'll be out as soon as you can." He whispered, forcing her to look him in the eye as she promised him. When he was as certain as he was going to get on the situation, He grabbed the suitcase and two of the three boxes and led his mom, who was carrying the third box, to his car. After setting everything in the backseat, he hugged his mother, and somehow, despite her promises, he doubted his mother would ever leave the house that she'd shared her life with his dad in.

"Tell your Aunt that I miss her, won't you, dear?" His mother whispered before she shut the door that was separating them.

"Not for long though." He smiled faintly before starting the engine, and quickly backing out of his driveway for the last time. He had to tell himself she would follow, or else he wouldn't be able to leave, and he had to leave. The house would swallow him whole.

"Goodbye Braxton." He whispered as he passed the city limits, simultaneously saying goodbye to all of the people that had made his life what it was.


	47. Chapter 47

Mark couldn't bring himself to leave the diner the rest of the day. He stayed there, making small talk with the customers, some he spoke to often, and even others that he rarely even acknowledged. He was sure she noticed that he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, even when he was suppose to be facing the other way. He was so afraid that if he looked away for one moment that she would change her mind. If he let her out of his sight, she would somehow forget that she'd wanted to try to make it work- to make them work. He couldn't stop himself from smiling every time her cheeks blushed from the intensity of his watch. He loved that he clearly got under her skin. He loved that she _showed_ that he got under her skin.

Once the last customer left the diner shortly after eight, he locked the door and made his way back into the kitchen where she was washing dishes. Even as strands of her hair were falling out of her clip due to the scrubbing of the dishes, he couldn't help but think she was beautiful. He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling his way into her neck, leaving soft kisses along the way. "So how much do you love me?"

"Enough to let you stand in my kitchen." She grinned, allowing herself to mold against him. "You didn't have to stay here all day, ya know?"

"I've been thinking." He chuckled as his kisses traveled up to her jawline.

"That can't be good." She smiled, thankful that she was almost done with dishes because she didn't know how much longer she could let him be so close without acting on impulses. It felt good that she could finally just be free.

"I have to go over to Shep's house tonight, and I was thinking.." He took a deep breath as he tried to say it in a way that would be persuasive. "I'd really love for you to come with me." A small part of him wanted to see Tommy's face when he came in with her, especially how many times he'd teased him about her, but mostly he just wanted someone to know- to make it real.

Going to Derek's house was a big deal, and she knew it. It scared her but she couldn't bring herself to tell him no. With a simple nod, she washed the last dish and set it on the drying rack. "Ok." She grinned, turning around slowly in his arms to wrap hers around his neck. "Only because you said it so nicely."

"I think I can get used to this." He laughed, leaning in for a quick kiss. "Tell me this is real." He sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers.

She frowned as she cupped his face with her still wet hands, sending a wave of shock through his senses. "Look at me, babe." She whispered, waiting patiently as he opened his eyes to meet her gaze. "This is real, I promise." She sealed the promise with another kiss, this one a little deeper to prove her point. "I love you."

"Thank you." He licked his lips before forcing himself to pull away long enough to grab her hand and lead her out of the kitchen. "Time to go."

"We're going now? In THIS?" She blinked, slowly processing it as she looked down at the uniform she rarely ever got seen out of.

"What? You look amazing in anything- and nothing." He winked, kissing her hand as he pulled her closer to him.

"I can't go like THIS!" She managed to get out with a surprising amount of persistence considering a pencil wouldn't even fit between their bodies.

"Tommy will be in bed before you are satisfied with an outfit, babe." Mark let out a soft laugh, leaning in only a half inch to kiss her cheek.

"Fine, but next time, I want warning!" She pouted, allowing him to lead her out the door, pausing only long enough for her lock up.

"Fair enough." He squeezed her hand before opening the passenger door for her. He couldn't believe she was leaving with him. They were leaving- together.

The ride to Derek's was quiet, each of them stuck inside their heads about what this meant. They both were unwilling to think about what exactly they were doing. This was Tommy- who'd lost his mother. Mark wasn't sure what the protocol was on transferring Addi from the Miss. Addi he'd always known to .. more? She was more now, wasn't she? He bit his lip as he thought about what Derek would say. Was it cruel to start a relationship when Derek was still grieving? These were questions Mark didn't know answers to, and as he pulled into the driveway, he'd worked himself into a ball of nerves.

"MARKIE!" Tommy's voice rang through their ears as his feet dashed down the porch steps, making his way quickly to Mark's side. "You're here!" He smiled as he wrapped his arms as far as they'd reach around Mark's waist. "Daddy told me you weren't coming by today." He muffled into Mark's shirt, and a wave of guilt washed over Mark. He hadn't realized that Tommy would be upset. He hadn't taken into account Tommy's desperate need for stability. He glanced sadly at Addison before kneeling down to Tommy's height, forcing himself to meet Tommy's watery eyes.

"Hey kiddo." He whispered hoarsely, his emotions at seeing the boy so unhinged getting the best of him. "I'm sorry I didn't call you." He ruffled Tommy's hair for some small amount of stability in the moment. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell him about Addison now, but Tommy did not like secrets, and Mark was terrible at keeping them from him. Mark glanced up past Tommy to see that Addison was stalling a few feet back. He offered her a loving smile before looking back at Tommy, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. "Miss. Addi came to see you, too." He watched with a small smile on his face as Tommy blinked in surprise before turning around to look at her, quickly turning back to Mark. "She came _with _you?" He couldn't help but laugh at the boy's shocked face. "Did you.. I mean.. you didn't pay her, did you Uncle Mark? Because that, well I don't know exactly, but it doesn't seem normal to pay for someone's friendship."

Mark's jaw fell open as he listened to Tommy. He thought he PAID her? He could Addi's laughter echo through the trees, but he couldn't even manage a smile. This was not Rent-A-Friend! She was not his whore! He clenched his jaw for a moment before forcing himself to breath. He knew Tommy meant no harm, and of course he had no idea what'd transpired between him and Addi the last the twenty four hours. He was thankful when Addison finally stopped laughing long enough to pull Tommy into a hug. "He's not paying me, Tommy. I came here completely on my own will." The words weighed heavy on her lips. She couldn't believe how much had changed in her life in a single day. She'd put roots where they shouldn't be. For everyone's own good, she should not have been so weak, but she was only human, a human that could not refuse Mark anymore. She loved him too much. Her love for him would be the death of her. She pushed the thoughts away as she grabbed onto Tommy's hands. "What do you say you give me a tour?" She realized in that moment that she'd never been inside of Derek's house, and she had a feeling that Mark needed to speak to Derek – alone.

"Sure!" Tommy's smile brightened as he grasped her hand tightly, looking briefly at Mark with a smile on his face. "See this, Mark? Been here two minutes, and she's ALREADY trying to get away from you." Tommy and Addison shared a laugh, but all Mark could do was shake his head. He gave Addison a small nod of thanks before Tommy pulled her towards the backyard. After watching the two disappear around the corner, Mark made his way into the house. He had a lot of explaining to do, and he wasn't exactly looking forward to it.


	48. Chapter 48

**Kindly unspoken  
You show your emotion  
And silence speaks louder than words  
It's lucky I'm clever  
Cause if I didn't know better  
I'd believe only that which I'd heard **

**Kate Voegele**

Mark slowly made his way into the house, not bothering to knock or vocalize his arrival. He could smell the coffee brewing in the kitchen, and hoped Derek would be in there, and not Ms. T. He felt that he owed it to Derek to let him know first. No one liked to be the last to know. Especially when the person is your best friend. "Hey man." Mark spoke in a low voice when he saw Derek sitting on a stool to the bar, staring into space.

Derek looked up, blinking several times, as he realized who'd arrived. He hadn't even bothered to look. "Mark? What.. are you doing here?" Derek asked, nodding ever so slightly to the table as he slid off the stool to join him.

"I.. I have news.. and I didn't want to blindside you." Mark began, fumbling for words that would explain his behavior.

"Everything OK?" Derek was starting to worry, it was so rare to see Mark so.. nervous. It made him nervous just watching.

Mark glanced behind him to make sure that Tommy wasn't in ear-range before taking a deep breath. "I.. I am with Addison."

"Addison is here?" Derek grinned, pride welling inside at his friend's bribing skills. He idly wondered what he had to do for her to agree, but he withheld the question. There was more, Mark wouldn't be so nervous about that, he would just be cocky.

Mark rolled his eyes, did No one believe that she came on her own will? She'd given him faith through the years to hold on, had no one else seen it? "Yes, but that's not what I meant. We're together.- like _together._ As in 'I love you, I love you too' together." Mark watched as his friend's face fell. He'd been afraid that would happen. He planted his feet flat on the floor as he braced himself for Derek's reaction. A small part of him had still been hoping that Derek would be happy for him, even though he'd told himself over and over again he would not get that reaction.

"Since when?" Derek's voice was cold, causing Mark to shift in his seat. He was certain the temperature dropped ten degrees in the room, despite the coffee's steam floating in the air. He just prayed that the steaming cup in front of Derek would stay right where it was, with all of the contents still inside.

"Today." Mark didn't feel right about exposing all the details of the events that led him here. It was far too personal, and there was a part of him to tell Derek how much he really cared about Addison. Last time he talked to Derek about how much he cared for someone, it'd blown up royally in his face, and he'd nearly lost his best friend along with his girlfriend. He knew it was stupid, he was certain the last thing on Derek's mind was going after Addison, but not being cautious wasn't an option.

Derek wanted to be able to smile for Mark. He really did. He knew how excited Mark was that Addison finally confirmed what the whole town knew, they loved each other. Derek tried to force a smile, but his lips just would not turn up. He wanted to scream, but not at Mark, but at himself, Mark had never been so cruel as to not be happy for him- ever, and he couldn't even manage a weak smile. He was ashamed of himself, and he could tell by the way Mark's eyes glazed over that Mark was disappointed in him as well. "I.." Derek began, but faltered before he could utter another word. He covered his eyes with his left hand for a moment before meeting Mark's gaze once again. "That's _really_ great, Mark." Once again, he tried to smile, but he could feel his lips turning down instead.

"I can just feel your enthusiasm." Mark rolled his eyes, trying to unclench his teeth. He was tired of giving Derek chance after chance to prove him wrong, and he always managed to do exactly as he'd expected- he disappointed him.

"Mark..." Derek sighed, wanting to crawl into a hole and hide away from what his friend was telling him. For as long as Tommy had been alive, Derek had been the one in a relationship, and Mark had been single. It completely changed their dynamic, and he was so _sick_ of change. Enough had changed in the past few months to last him a lifetime. He'd never been a third wheel, and he couldn't bring himself to be happy at the idea. He wanted to be so badly. "I'm happy for you." He lied, and his heart broke the moment the words left his lips. He promised himself after Meredith he wouldn't lie to Mark, and it made him feel even worse that it was clearly a lie. He watched as Mark's eyes narrowed on him, the intensity making him stand from his seat and begin pacing the floor.

"You are pathetic." Mark shook his head, standing also, but prompting to leave the room in search of Tommy and Addison.

"Mark! Wait!" Derek sighed, following him outside as Mark stood on his back porch. It wasn't until Derek caught up to him that he realized what he was looking at. Addison was in his back yard, attempting to throw a baseball with Tommy. He laughed as she shrieked away from the ball that Tommy had barely even tossed to her. He had a feeling she would have had the same reaction if he'd rolled it to her.

"She's amazing." Mark whispered, not specifically to Derek, but he didn't care that he heard. He smiled as she attempted to throw the ball back, blushing as the ball went at least ten feet to the left of the little boy. He let out a whistle of approval as he clapped his hands, not being able to stop himself from laughing. She looked up at him for only a moment n waved before refocusing on Tommy, vocally promising him that she would get better. She was determined. Once she was distracted by the ball, Mark turned towards Derek, his smile falling quickly from his features. "You.. You are suppose to be my best friend, Derek. You are suppose to be the one that laughs when I'm happy and you cry when I'm sad. You are my best friend, Derek." Mark took a deep breath as he shook his head, trying to put into words what he was trying to say. "No one is perfect, but you, you have made your grand mistake with me. I forgave you. I was there when Tommy was born and you were too busy drinking away the loss of MY girlfriend. I was the one that took care of the funeral arrangements because you wouldn't leave your bed. I was the one that went to Tommy's first t-ball game when you went to New York City to find Meredith. Don't try to tell me you didn't, Derek. You think you hid everything so well from Cinny. You didn't. I was the one that she cried to when you didn't call for those three days. I took up for you when I had no reason to besides the fact that you're suppose to be my best friend." Mark's eyes softened as he looked down at the ground. "Maybe I need to take a good look at who I'm surrounding myself with, because this- I don't need this. I don't need YOU not to be happy for me. I don't need you." Mark's voice was strained as he forced himself to look at Derek again. "Let me know when you get your head out of your own ass, until then, consider me on vacation. I'm pretty sure I have a few weeks worth, at least." He shook his head again, nudging Derek's shoulder purposely as he made his way down the stairs.

"Ready to go?" He asked, forcing a smile to Addison as he wrapped his arm around her waist, a wave of relaxation washing over him as she leaned into him.

"Yeah." She nodded, thankful that she didn't have to show off how terrible she was anymore at baseball.

"You just got here, Markie." Tommy frowned, making his way quickly to the duo to wrap his arms around Mark. "Don't go." He pouted, glancing up at his father who seemed to be almost in tears- again. "Please don't leave me with him." He whispered as Mark leaned down so that he was eye level.

"I know, buddy. How about I pick you up from school, tomorrow?" He asked, not even bothering to look up at Derek for approval. He honestly didn't even care what Derek thought at the moment. He'd seen enough.

"Promise?"

"Have I ever lied to you, kiddo?" Mark grinned, wrapping Tommy in a hug as he ruffled his hair. "I love you, you know that, right Tom Tom?"

"You never call me Tom Tom.." Tommy frowned, tightening his grasp around Mark's neck. "Not since.."

"I know." Mark nodded, not willing to put the kid through the torture of finishing that sentence. "I know you miss her.."

"Can I stay with you tonight? Please Markieee." It broke Mark's heart to say no, but he just needed a night to think. He couldn't take Tommy when he was so angry at Derek.

"Tomorrow. I promise." Mark whispered, placing a kiss on the kid's forehead.

"Ok." Tommy nodded, reluctantly releasing Mark from his grasp. "I love you Uncle Mark."

"I love you too, Tommy." Mark choked on his words before quickly clearing his throat as he watched the little boy hug Addison.

"Bye Miss. Addi! See you tomorrow?"

"Of course." She smiled as Mark grabbed her hand before pulling her towards the gate she'd entered the yard through. Once they were out of earshot, she leaned into Mark to whisper into his ear. "You okay, babe?"

"I will be." He smiled faintly, pressing a kiss into her hair before they walked the rest of the way in silence.

When Meredith pulled into her driveway, Cristina was already sitting on her front step. She frowned, certain that they hadn't had plans, which meant that something was wrong. She's probably pissed about lunch, Meredith thought with a wince. Had that really been only a few hours ago? She'd expected Cristina to start speaking as soon as she opened the car door, but she was surprised when nothing was said. By the time she reached the doorway, Cristina finally stood, entering the house before even looking her way. Meredith gulped as she followed, locking the door behind them.

"You're late." Cristina muttered as she made her way into the kitchen, going straight for the pantry where she knew Meredith stored the vodka for emergency needs. She was honestly surprised that the bottle was still mostly full. She'd expected a major dent in it after all the Derek chaos in the last week.

"I... What am I late for?" Meredith asked, slumping into a stool. She didn't possess the energy to argue. She didn't possess any energy at all.

"I've been outside for half an hour." Cristina glared, walking across the kitchen to another cabinet to get two shot glasses.

"You could have called."

"You could have NOT abandoned me at lunch, but you know, you did." Cristina stated simply, filling the two shots with liquid before passing one to Meredith.

"I'm sorry." Meredith offered, after emptying the glass into her mouth, nearly slamming it down before pushing it back towards Cristina.

"Whatever." Cristina shrugged her shoulders, filling the glasses once again.

"So are you going to tell me why you are here?" Meredith grabbed both of the glasses, taking both of them before setting them back down in front of Cristina. She was going to need alcohol if the conversation was going where she thought it was going.

"Are you going to guess?" Cristina glared, sliding the glasses out of reach of Meredith before pouring more.

"No."

"No more vodka for you."

"It's mine!"

"Not anymore." Cristina frowned, realizing that it probably wasn't a good idea to take away the vodka with what she had to say. "Meredith. I have to tell you something."

"Oh God. Please tell me you aren't pregnant." Meredith paled, she couldn't imagine Cristina with a baby. It was scary.

"Don't even joke." Cristina shuddered at the thought, taking a big gulp from the bottle, completely forfeiting the step of pouring a shot.

"Okay then. You're freaking me out. What's going on?" Meredith demanded an answer, yanking the bottle and taking another gulp. She vaguely remembered promising herself that morning no more drinking, but she had a feeling she was going to need to forget this conversation. For as long as she could anyway.

"George quit."

"George quit? Wait. You're drinking my emergency alcohol because you have to find a new assistant? Why am I drinking?"

"You don't get it, Mer. He quit. He left town. I don't think he's coming back. His dad.. George's dad died this morning, Meredith."

"He didn't just leave town, Cristina. There's the funeral..." Meredith tried to convince herself she was right, but the way Cristina was looking at her made it hard to believe herself, even for a moment.

"He left."

"I think.. I'm going to throw up." Meredith stumbled to her feet, only making it two feet to the trash can before the alcohol she'd consumed so quickly was pouring into her trashcan.

"Oh. That's sick, Mer. Seriously." Cristina's nose scrunched for a moment before she made her way over to hold her friend's hair back. "When's the last time you ate?" She pulled on her hair slightly when she got no response. "Please tell me you've ate something today, Meredith."

"I.." Meredith coughed as she shook her head. She hadn't had time to eat anything. She knew she couldn't tell Cristina that though. "I had breakfast this morning." She managed to get out, but she was pretty sure Cristina didn't believe her because her hair fell back into her face and she heard her refrigerator door open.

"Do you ever eat at all, Meredith? Seriously. You're fridge looks like it hasn't been opened in weeks."

"And you know that because it's the same way yours looks." Meredith managed a weak smile once the nausea settled. She stumbled slightly over to the sink, washing her mouth with water. She really wanted some mouth wash, but she wasn't ready to leave the room yet. She needed more answers. "Does Izzie know?"

"No."

"We have to tell her. Today."

"I know."

"She's going to freak out."

"I know." Cristina frowned, walking back over to the counter to take another shot. She almost wished she'd throw up, she wanted to get rid of the sinking feeling in her stomach. She knew that it wasn't going to go away though.


	49. Chapter 49

Izzie's hands were shaking as she slid into the passenger seat of her car after making sure Annie was safely in her car seat.

"It's going to be okay, babe. Whatever it is. We're going to be okay." Alex murmured softly, grabbing onto her hand.

"Cristina was freaked out, Alex. Cristina doesn't freak out. Even when she's freaking out, she doesn't TELL anyone she is freaking out. She hides it. It's what Cristina does. Cristina doesn't get drunk and call people over. It's just not done."

"Max probably set a date or something."

"Oh. That would cause hysteria." She sniffled, trying to calm herself down from the craziness she'd built up since the phone call from Meredith telling them to come over.

"Probably in a church." Alex smirked at the idea of Cristina in a church. Oh the pretty penny he would spend to see it.

"She'd kill him. It has to be at City Hall. She's the Mayor!" Izzie laughed, thankful for Alex. She would have been in hysterics by now if it wasn't for him.

"It could be fun. Cristina in a dress- in front of a minister!" Alex allowed himself a small chuckle. Maybe he could feed the idea to Max- if he ever met the guy.

"You did it." Izzie smiled, squeezing his hand in appreciation. She knew he wasn't too keen on the traditional wedding ceremony, but he'd did it for her- with a smile on his face.

"You can't compare me to her!" He scoffed, offended at the clear comparison. He liked to think he was somewhere in the middle. He went to church with her, he said the blessings before meals. As far as he was concerned, he thought he handled it all quite well.

"You're right. It's unfair. You behaved like a gentleman." She grinned, brushing her hands through his hair playfully.

"Thank you."

"Our wedding was perfect." She nodded her head in agreement. He let her have everything she wanted- just the way she'd dreamed. He didn't even let her parents help pay. Not that they had a whole lot to offer, but he refused. She knew she was lucky to have him.

"I'm glad, babe." He smiled at her softly, allowing his gaze to linger as they stopped at a redlight.

"One of these days, you're going to admit that you loved it too."

"I loved the reception." He smirked, only casting her a small glance before refocusing on the road.

"The reception was at the hotel." She blinked, trying to think back if there was a mini-reception at the church. But there hadn't been.

"I know." He laughed as her eyes bulged open, followed quickly by a slap on his arm.

"DIRTY!" She rolled her eyes, laughing despite herself.

"Eight years later, and you still love me though." His voice was faint to her ears, and her heart ached when she realized that it was in disbelief.

"Always." She smiled, bundling his hand in both of hers before kissing it, allowing her lips to linger until they pulled into Meredith's driveway. Her temporary solace she'd found slipped away as she looked at the door that was already open for them. This wasn't going to be good.

**There are certain people You just keep coming back to  
She is right in front of you. You begin to wonder could you find a better one **

**Compared to her now. She's in question. And all at once the crowd begins to sing  
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.  
Looking for the right one, You line up the world to find  
Where no questions cross your mind. But she won't keep on waiting for  
You without a doubt much longer for you to sort it out. **

**~The Fray, All at Once**

The atmosphere of Meredith's house was suffocating as soon as Izzie walked past the threshold. She heard footsteps in the kitchen, and after taking a deep breath she forced herself to enter the house. Preparing herself the best she knew how for what she didn't know. It took her a minute to realize what was off about the scene of Cristina and Meredith standing against the counter top, eating pizza from the box. Then she got it. It wasn't about who was there, it was about who wasn't. "Where's George?" Izzie couldn't bring herself to offer any greeting. Small talk would just delay her knowledge. She needed to know.

"Everything okay?" Alex entered the room a few seconds later, and still no one had answered Izzie's question. He'd left Annie in the living room, unsure of what to expect in the kitchen. She might still be a baby, but he didn't want her to witness anything that wasn't good if he could help it. It was one of the few evils of the world he could protect her from. His gaze shifted from Cristina and Meredith at the counter to Izzie, who was still in the doorway, waiting for someone to answer him. No one seemed to notice his arrival though. It was then that he saw the empty bottle of vodka beside the trash can.

"Cristina.." Meredith finally managed to get out, even though the alcohol had clearly run its course on her speech abilities.

"You tell her." Cristina shrugged the patronizing gaze off. She didn't want to be the one to tell Izzie. She knew that Meredith and Alex would be pissed at her if she did. She didn't feel sorry for Izzie one bit, and she was frankly not amused with having to be here when Izzie found out. She was never quite sure what to expect from Izzie when it came to bad news, but if anything, Izzie always delivered heavy on the dramatics. Cristina had enough to worry about in her own personal life without thinking about Izzie's unhealthy hold on George.

"Cristina!" Meredith's eyes narrowed on her, and she finally relented. But now before shooting Meredith a glare that stated she would regret this in just a moment.

"Fine! Ok. George is gone, Iz." Cristina refused to add any amount of emotion to her voice. She wanted it to be as frank and cold as she could. She was not going to encourage a meltdown when she had no more alcohol. Once Izzie eyes bulged, Cristina turned back to Meredith with a clearly satisfied smirk. "Told you to tell her." She shrugged her shoulders, focusing her attention on the pizza that she'd been eating before the couple's arrival.

"Gone? For the rest of the week?" Alex asked to clarify, even though he had a feeling that was not the case. He wanted to scream an array of expletives but he resisted as he remembered his little girl in the next room. He knew this was going to be highly unpleasant at best, heart wrenching no matter what, and possibly the end of his marriage. He felt sick. 

"No." Meredith shook her head, not being able to force herself to look at either of them. She just wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep away the rest of the day. Derek had made her day long enough without all of this. She swore life was playing a cruel joke on her, and she was getting quite sick of the punchlines.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Izzie's arm stretched out until she felt Alex's skin. She sunk her nails into it with her tight grasp, needing him to keep her on her feet. She tried to compose herself, but the way everyone was looking at her, she couldn't. They had known she would take it badly. And Alex, God, she felt terrible.

"Mr. O'Malley died today, Iz. George left town." The words barely made their way across the room for Meredith's mouth, but somehow Izzie managed to strain to hear them.

"No! He would have called me!" She could feel her nails digging into the palm of her free hand, but she couldn't bring herself to loosen up. There had to be a mistake. George wouldn't just up and leave. He wouldn't.

"Iz." Alex murmured her name. His voice was full of pain, but even then, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She didn't deserve him at all, which only made the tears forming in her eyes burn that much more intensely.

"He can't just leave! He has a job! A life!" Izzie yelled, her voice straining into a high pitch squeal.

"He quit." Cristina's solid voice broke the air again, causing everyone to shift their gaze to her. She refused to apologize though. Alex didn't deserve to see this. She'd told Izzie not to bring Alex. But she hadn't listened. She needed to learn to listen.

"No."

"Iz..." Alex tried again, but he was cut off by the shaking of her head. She wasn't done yet.

"He promised! He promised!" The tears fell onto her cheek, and finally she leaned into Alex's chest. Her body convulsed in sobs, and yet his arms still did not snake around her. She didn't try to force him either. She just held onto his shirt that much tighter.

"He could come back.." Meredith offered weakly, even though she doubted it would do much good, whether Izzie believed her or not. She highly doubted George would step foot in Braxton ever again.

"Not helping, Mer!" Alex glared at her for only a moment before he wrapped Izzie into his arms. It hurt to see her so upset under any circumstances, but he swore he could feel a knife in his stomach at the sight of his wife so upset over another man. No matter how many times she swore she loved him, it was times like these he had to doubt it.

"I am sorry, Iz. I am sorry." Meredith whispered, bowing her head in defeat of the moment.

"He was my best friend."

"I should probably check on Annie. I left her in the living room." Alex mumbled, setting Izzie down into a chair before leaving the room, the front door closing only a few seconds later, even though Annie could still be heard in the living room.

"Get up, Izzie." Cristina narrowed her eyes on the blonde once she was certain Alex couldn't hear her.

"Shut up."

"Get up! You have a husband! A husband that is HERE! Stop mourning for another guy before he leaves you too!"

"Alex gets it!" Izzie defended herself quickly, even though she wasn't sure how true the words were.

"Doesn't mean he likes it." Meredith offered meekly, careful with the words she chose. The last thing they needed was Izzie going off the deep end. She couldn't handle someone else's breakdown. Especially Izzie's.

"We were going to be married!" Her voice was shrill, causing both of the other women to wince. Annie started crying in the next room, so they stayed silent until they heard Alex reenter, but only for a moment, this time leaving with the baby.

"Oh, shut up already! You were sixteen, and even then you were messing around with Alex! You made your bed and now you are sleeping in it!"

"Cristina!" Meredith's eyes bulged. It wasn't that she didn't have similar thoughts, she just wasn't sure if that tone was the best way to calm Izzie down. She would put money on it that it wasn't.

"You know it's true! All of these years, she's been keeping George on the back burner, just waiting for Alex to screw up. She has to stop! For everyone's sake! For George, for Alex, for that damn baby! She has to stop!" The room fell silent as the door opened again, and without even looking at them, Cristina walked out of the room and right past Alex, whose eyes were bubbled in a layer of tears. "I'm sorry, Alex." She whispered before leaving the house. She'd had enough. She didn't expect anyone to follow her, and no one did. Even though she could see Alex looking around the window as she backed out. If he was smart, he would walk out. But he wouldn't. He loved Izzie too much to ever leave her. Even if she deserved it.

Izzie hadn't been surprised when he announced he was going to go for a walk a few minutes after Cristina left. She was actually glad. A walk would calm him down before they talked. They needed to talk. She needed to apologize.

She'd expected him to be back in an hour, two tops. It was eight o'clock when she finally left to go back home, and he still hadn't returned. He hadn't taken the car.

She busied herself with cleaning after she put Annie down for bed. There were dishes to wash, clothes to fold, bills to be paid, walls to scrub. She did them all.

She finally allowed herself to sit down at a quarter till' midnight. She was officially worried. He should have been home by now. It was Braxton. The town closed down at like nine.

Her stomach knotted as she saw the police car pull into her driveway. Oh god, she squirmed as she stood up and walked to the door. Something had happened. She'd expected it to be Mark- or Derek to meet her at the door. It wasn't though. It was Addison.

"Addi? What are you doing here?" Izzie opened the door for her to come in, but she didn't move. She glanced towards the car to find that Mark was in the driver's seat. The car was still running.

"Iz." Addison whispered as she glanced down at her shoes. "I think.. I think you should, um, come with us. Okay?"

"Come with you? Why? What happened?"

"It's Alex."

**And I won't let you go  
And I won't let you down  
I won't give you up  
Don't you give up on me now**

What do I have to do  
To try and make you see  
That this Is who I am  
And It's all that I can be  
~Lifehouse, Good Enough

"It's Alex." Addison spoke a little louder after clearing her throat. "He's, I mean, he isn't hurt or in the hospital or anything. He just, Izzie, you just need to come with us, okay?" Addi insisted as she nodded towards the car.

"What about Annie?"

"I'll stay with Annie." Addi offered. "You need to go, Iz. Now."

"Okay." Izzie nodded helplessly. She didn't know what to do, her mind was cluttered, but at least he wasn't hurt. That was good. Right?

"Now go." Addi tried to smile as she pointed at the car. The smile became a little more genuine when she met his gaze. She also became a little more afraid. She didn't ever want to be the cause of Mark being in as much pain as Alex was.

Alex had told her what happened. She wanted to yell at Izzie, but it wasn't her place. Nor was it the time.

Izzie grabbed her purse that was still on the couch and ran towards the car. She had no idea where Alex was, but she needed to find him. To see him.

She was surprised when Mark pulled into the church parking lot. The church was definitely the last place she'd expected him to be.

He was inside, sitting in the center of the middle pew. His body was shaking, and it took her a moment to realize that he was crying. She couldn't remember a time he'd cried since Annie was born. Those were happy tears. These were not.

She didn't sit beside him. She somehow didn't feel as if she'd earned that. Even though they'd been married for years. She silently made her way into the pew behind him, sitting a few feet further down.

"I told them not to get you."

"Alex." She breathed his name, but he shook his head. It was as if the sound of her voice alone hurt him.

"All of this time, I convinced myself that you loved me. God, Izzie. I've given you everything I own, and it's still not good enough. I'm still not good enough for you."

"I DO love you, Alex." Tears were spilling down her cheeks, and she didn't try to wipe them away. "I wouldn't have married you if I didn't love you. I just, you know, my parents had this whole other life set up for me before I met you. I'm not saying it was a better life, because I'm sure it wouldn't be. I don't know that anything is better than the life we have together. But I turned my back on my family when I turned my back on the life with George. So it hurts okay? When George left, I felt like I lost my family all over again."

She'd expected him to at least turn around to look at her, but he didn't. He just bowed his head. If she didn't know any better, she'd swear he was praying. "I talked to Cristina. I'm going to crash on her couch tonight. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He whispered faintly.

"You aren't coming home?"

"Not tonight."

"But tomorrow, right? You'll come home tomorrow?"

"I don't know, Izzie." He sighed as he stood up, finally looking back at her. "I really just don't know." He shook his head at her. She was about to say something when the doors opened.

"You ready, Alex?" It was Cristina. Izzie's stomach knotted. She'd never gone a night without Alex since they were married. Not one. How was she suppose to sleep now?

"See you." He mumbled before walking away, towards another woman. She sat there numbly until Mark finally came inside to get her. He had to all but carry her to the car. She had no idea what to do without Alex. She did know that she'd crumble if Addison and Mark left her though.

They didn't. She was thankful. Apparently Mark was on vacation. She didn't think Mark took vacations. She didn't have the energy to ask though. All she could think about was the fact that Addison was in Alex's spot on her bed.


End file.
